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  #201  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 08:36 AM
Anonymous43207
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
There is no guarantee of closure even if you do it in person. You can't turn off a relationship, even a bad relationship, at the flip of a switch. Nor over a set of four termination sessions.

You might get closure with acquaintances, but I think it is a myth that you can get closure with intimates. You just have to grieve.

PS: Some sort of ritual, like a funeral, might be more effective.
Thank you for that, CE - maybe that's why t seems to be pushing the 'taking a break' thing. Because we're both going to grieve the loss of our relationship probably me more than her but... I think we both will regardless of if we have 'termination sessions' or not. This gives me a new way to look at it.
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  #202  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 10:11 AM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Originally Posted by Elsewhere View Post
This conversation just reminded me of going to the dr.'s office and filling out forms, on which they ask if you are married, single, or divorced. I got divorced 10 years ago, so aren't I single now??
I asked about that once. The recep said they just wanted to know who was responsible for bills. I always put divorced. Like it makes me seem more normal
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CantExplain
  #203  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 10:15 AM
Anonymous37941
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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I asked about that once. The recep said they just wanted to know who was responsible for bills.
WHAT???? How the actual [expletive] is your marital status going to indicate that? It's no longer the 1930s...

... and no, that has never been a question on any form I've filled out in this country.
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CantExplain
  #204  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 10:55 AM
Anonymous45127
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Quarrel with Partner with me being punished with silent treatment if I don't apologise. I don't know what I did wrong.
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  #205  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 10:57 AM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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Needed some quiet me time. Can't get massages but I can go to a blow dry bar.
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  #206  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:01 AM
Anonymous43207
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What is a blow dry bar?

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CantExplain
  #207  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:05 AM
Anonymous43207
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No response from t yet to my wall-of-text email from the other night. Just as well, i suppose. I really meant it when i said I'm fine either way. But i think i'd be fine-er with a response that shows she gets it. I can be so damn needy sometimes.

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  #208  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:06 AM
Anonymous43207
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Actually it was so long she may still be reading it ha

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CantExplain
  #209  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:08 AM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crocus View Post
WHAT???? How the actual [expletive] is your marital status going to indicate that? It's no longer the 1930s...

... and no, that has never been a question on any form I've filled out in this country.
Yeah seriously. She said sometimes when a person is divorced, the ex's health insurance still covers as part of the divorce settlement. That may be more olden times now - older auto execs. But ball players may have the same deal. Here, health care before so-called Obamacare was linked to ones work pay package, and often to one spouse.
  #210  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:11 AM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
What is a blow dry bar?

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Its like a hair salon, but all they do is blow your hair out. No cut or dye. I assume no wash? For people with thick hair like yours!
  #211  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:19 AM
Anonymous37941
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Yeah seriously. She said sometimes when a person is divorced, the ex's health insurance still covers as part of the divorce settlement. That may be more olden times now - older auto execs. But ball players may have the same deal. Here, health care before so-called Obamacare was linked to ones work pay package, and often to one spouse.
Ah, yes, I've heard about that. Still, I could understand if they ask about whose name is on the insurance, but they can't magically know that from someone's marital status...

Sorry. This makes me fly right off the handle. I don't mean any disrespect, but casual sexism upsets me, especially when it's from the authorities...
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CantExplain
  #212  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:27 AM
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granite1 granite1 is offline
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i am feeling so emotionally crappy and tired today .
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Rx, no medication for that
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  #213  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:34 AM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crocus View Post
Ah, yes, I've heard about that. Still, I could understand if they ask about whose name is on the insurance, but they can't magically know that from someone's marital status...

Sorry. This makes me fly right off the handle. I don't mean any disrespect, but casual sexism upsets me, especially when it's from the authorities...
You would have HATED my first assignment at my last job. I was seeing red myself! My immediate supervisor, in the computer programming section, told me to program to check for employess addresses who were living together and assign their children's medical records to them based on that. I was like, is this what the human resources dept said to do? Cuz i think thats illegal! Let me talk to HR. He wouldnt LET me talk to HR. of course it was illegal. I think he was trying to get me fired.
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  #214  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:35 AM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by granite1 View Post
i am feeling so emotionally crappy and tired today .
Me too. I didnt have coffee yet.
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  #215  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 11:55 AM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
What is a blow dry bar?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Its like a hair salon, but all they do is blow your hair out. No cut or dye. I assume no wash? For people with thick hair like yours!

It's a wash, blow out, style, head/neck massage. I love it. It's so great.
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**the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain and every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain**

Thanks for this!
CantExplain
  #216  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 01:12 PM
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velcro003 velcro003 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
Yeah, I decided that back in June. No. 3's a few hundred miles away anyway. In terms of closure the problem is this: 1) I really want to tell No. 1 off for getting way too emotionally invested in me (it was like I was some kind of surrogate daughter), and 2) No. 3 and I stopped in the middle of something, which will be addressed with No. 2, but unfinished business bothers me.


Logically, yes, my future ex-husband is my current husband, to distinguish him from my ex-husband. But I'm divorcing future ex post-haste. And I like the term - as unaluna put it, "Anyone can have one!" I'm hoping I have at least one more future ex-husband...well, maybe we can skip the ex next time.
Oh ok. I was a bit confused
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elsewhere View Post
This conversation just reminded me of going to the dr.'s office and filling out forms, on which they ask if you are married, single, or divorced. I got divorced 10 years ago, so aren't I single now??
Good question. I've been single my entire adult life, so it's an easy answer for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
Speaking of forms. I have a 6 page form I have to fill out before my son goes to his next therapy appointment next weekend. They want to know when he first sat up, and walked, and all kinds of early developmental stuff I'm going to have to get into his baby book to find out because I don't remember. In my own defense, he IS almost 18.
I find that slightly bizarre as he's a teenager!
Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain View Post
There is no guarantee of closure even if you do it in person. You can't turn off a relationship, even a bad relationship, at the flip of a switch. Nor over a set of four termination sessions.

You might get closure with acquaintances, but I think it is a myth that you can get closure with intimates. You just have to grieve.

PS: Some sort of ritual, like a funeral, might be more effective.
My T said the exact same thing, that closure is a myth and you just need to grieve it.
Thanks for this!
CantExplain
  #217  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 01:17 PM
Anonymous43207
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Oh how cool i want to find a blow dry bar here!!

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  #218  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 02:03 PM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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They probably have one, they are all over. Just google your area with 'dry bar' and it should show several results
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**the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain and every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain**

Thanks for this!
CantExplain
  #219  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 03:44 PM
Anonymous37844
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I feel so stupid about yesterday. i freaked out about just taking about talking about the photo, We spent all session doing grounding and distraction exercises and very little else. But on the plus side I was a little more honest about how **** my time between sessions is. I swear he reads my Dear T posts at least.

Last edited by Anonymous37844; Aug 22, 2016 at 04:08 PM.
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  #220  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 04:05 PM
Anonymous43207
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I wish my t saw mine. In addition to that I wish she would respond to my last email. Not that there's any good response to my word vomit, I know this logically, but nevertheless my goofy heart wants what it wants.

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  #221  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 04:06 PM
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StressedMess StressedMess is offline
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Came home sick, went from fine at 9:00 am to what feels like a full blown sinus infection (sore face, roof of mouth, sore throat, headache, teeth feel like they are in a vice, headache) within one hour. Stopped at pharmacy on the way home, I always feel like the pharmacist thinks I'm up to no good when I ask for medicine with decongestant in it! I'm going to feel better tomorrow because I don't have time to be sick, got that sinuses?
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  #222  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 04:06 PM
Anonymous43207
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And the longer she doesn't, the annoyingly needier I feel. Uck.

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  #223  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 04:08 PM
Anonymous43207
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Hope you feel better quick, SM!

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Thanks for this!
StressedMess
  #224  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 04:08 PM
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StressedMess StressedMess is offline
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I really can't read my phone screen while wearing my contacts. Edited twice to correct typos. Another thing I thought would be great but turned out sucky.
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  #225  
Old Aug 22, 2016, 04:23 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietMind View Post
Quarrel with Partner with me being punished with silent treatment if I don't apologise. I don't know what I did wrong.
((QuietMind))
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