[Myrto]

My session today was really bad. I was feeling really awful all week and didn't even step a foot outside my apartment during the weekend: I stayed in, usually in my bed. Now that I'm no longer allowed to email my T, I struggle with this. It used to bring me some relief to send her emails. I told her all this today: that 50 minutes a week is not enough, that I need more support, that I struggle badly. She said nothing, offered nothing. She won't spend one extra minute with me outside of session. She considers one session per week to be enough and if I struggle the rest of the week, she believes I can get through on my own. I think she wants to believe that, that way she doesn't have to feel responsible for anything. When I read on here how therapists offer phone call check-ins and extra sessions, honestly I feel gutted. I won't leave my T, I tried that and failed. I just wanted to vent I guess. Anybody has any advice on how to "confort" myself (as my T puts it)? Since I'm on my own anyway. Thanks in advance.

Originally Posted by Myrto

My session today was really bad. I was feeling really awful all week and didn't even step a foot outside my apartment during the weekend: I stayed in, usually in my bed. Now that I'm no longer allowed to email my T, I struggle with this. It used to bring me some relief to send her emails. I told her all this today: that 50 minutes a week is not enough, that I need more support, that I struggle badly. She said nothing, offered nothing. She won't spend one extra minute with me outside of session. She considers one session per week to be enough and if I struggle the rest of the week, she believes I can get through on my own. I think she wants to believe that, that way she doesn't have to feel responsible for anything. When I read on here how therapists offer phone call check-ins and extra sessions, honestly I feel gutted. I won't leave my T, I tried that and failed. I just wanted to vent I guess. Anybody has any advice on how to "confort" myself (as my T puts it)? Since I'm on my own anyway. Thanks in advance.

Find another T. One they can recognize what is needed.

I'm so sorry your T is so unavailable. Hugs to you.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm sorry. Now that we have reduced to every other week, I'd struggle coping w/o my email check-ins.

Some coping skills:
1. Journal
2. Talk to your T in your head
3. Post here
4. Bath/shower
5. Aromatherapy
6. Candles
7. Reading
8. Exercising
9. Hot tea or hot chocolate
10. Art
11. Do you have old emails from T? Read those.
12. Crisis lines/support lines

Would she maybe be willing to give you a transitional object?

Is it more missing her? Or is it struggling coping with issues?

[unaluna]

Werent you always negative and kinda yelling at her anyway? So what exactly do you miss? The opportunity to yell at her? Thats how my mother wanted to connect with me, thru pain, but honestly i just couldnt take it anymore. Its probably not just your t you do that with - the closer you are, maybe the more "honest" you are? But those close to you deserve politeness the most, not strangers. Others may disagree with me, but hey walk a mile in my shoes.

[stopdog]

Self soothing - I walk my dogs and take them to different places that are pretty or interesting. I get massages. I do yoga and sacral cranial (it might be cranial sacral - I always get it mixed up) energy stuff, qi gong breathing and reiki. I have volunteered for things like making meals for the elderly or homeless, food pantry shelving, and so forth. Sometimes I get involved in my hobbies (bread baking, curing/smoking things - and take and give them away - the usefulness is in the making not the eating) For me, it is somewhat useful to get out and do something.

[here today]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Werent you always negative and kinda yelling at her anyway? So what exactly do you miss? The opportunity to yell at her? Thats how my mother wanted to connect with me, thru pain, but honestly i just couldnt take it anymore. Its probably not just your t you do that with - the closer you are, maybe the more "honest" you are? But those close to you deserve politeness the most, not strangers. Others may disagree with me, but hey walk a mile in my shoes.

I don't know about Myrto but this definitely struck a chord with me.

But if that was the case somewhat for me, why did no T ever bring that up? Instead, in the early days, they encouraged me to be honest. I had numbed out some responses to my mother's rage -- maybe we did connect on that level. Maybe she was never "herself" much with me interpersonally except when she was enraged. But she also enjoyed nature and sharing that with me and my sister -- not totally negative.

It's a useful concept, Unaluna. But if accurate, another limitation of many therapists that they can't recognize it and help the person through it, IMHO.

[stopdog]

I do disagree with it as far as therapists go.
I think the OPs therapist might have some other issues, but blaming the client for the therapist's unilateral rule changes and general inconsistency is just flat wrong in my opinion.

[speckofdust]

Based on what I've been "working on" recently, I feel that my T should offer an extra session (to make it two per week instead of just one), but she doesn't offer it. I believe that making me go 7-8 days between sessions is not supportive enough, but she doesn't bring up the extra session idea. I won't bring it up because I barely feel that I'm worth any sessions. But, it would be nice if she'd offer it. I might even take her up on it if it came from her. Even though I also have an art therapist, she doesn't provide the same type of support, and I've only been working with her for 6 weeks. I am very sorry that you're struggling so much. 😞

I will add that since I'm not getting any support from T outside of our once a week for 50 minutes, I trudge through by writing/journaling, forcing myself to spend time with friends, watching TV/movies, and playing games on the PC.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Find another T. One they can recognize what is needed.

Like I said it's not an option.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm sorry. Now that we have reduced to every other week, I'd struggle coping w/o my email check-ins.

Some coping skills:
1. Journal
2. Talk to your T in your head
3. Post here
4. Bath/shower
5. Aromatherapy
6. Candles
7. Reading
8. Exercising
9. Hot tea or hot chocolate
10. Art
11. Do you have old emails from T? Read those.
12. Crisis lines/support lines

Would she maybe be willing to give you a transitional object?

Is it more missing her? Or is it struggling coping with issues?

Thanks. Those are really good ideas. I will ask my T for a transitional object but I'm not exactly hopeful. It doesn't seem to be her style at all. It's both: missing her and struggling with issues.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Self soothing - I walk my dogs and take them to different places that are pretty or interesting. I get massages. I do yoga and sacral cranial (it might be cranial sacral - I always get it mixed up) energy stuff, qi gong breathing and reiki. I have volunteered for things like making meals for the elderly or homeless, food pantry shelving, and so forth. Sometimes I get involved in my hobbies (bread baking, curing/smoking things - and take and give them away - the usefulness is in the making not the eating) For me, it is somewhat useful to get out and do something.

Thanks. Good coping ideas. I do yoga but always end up falling asleep during the class when we do a relaxing exercise.

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by speckofdust

Based on what I've been "working on" recently, I feel that my T should offer an extra session (to make it two per week instead of just one), but she doesn't offer it. I believe that making me go 7-8 days between sessions is not supportive enough, but she doesn't bring up the extra session idea. I won't bring it up because I barely feel that I'm worth any sessions. But, it would be nice if she'd offer it. I might even take her up on it if it came from her. Even though I also have an art therapist, she doesn't provide the same type of support, and I've only been working with her for 6 weeks. I am very sorry that you're struggling so much. 😞

I will add that since I'm not getting any support from T outside of our once a week for 50 minutes, I trudge through by writing/journaling, forcing myself to spend time with friends, watching TV/movies, and playing games on the PC.

I just wanted to say that I do get where you are coming from but you deserve what you need, but the only way that you will ever get that in life is to ask for it. Unfortunately our Ts are not our fairy godmothers. They cannot read our minds and know what we feel we need. Hey, I am in that position a lot in T, wanting something but not having the courage to ask for it, but, when I can and have my T has showed up, every time. I know I am lucky to have a good T and I don't know what your is like, but then, maybe you don't either if you won't ask for what you need. I know it is scary, so maybe broaching it by simply asking if she ever sees clients twice a week would be a good way to start, because I get the fear of rejection if you asked and she said no. That said, being brave and standing up for what you need is powerful and truthfully, is the only way it will ever happen and lead to change. Don't stand by and let the world pass you as you wait for others to dictate how your life goes. You are worth it, we all are.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Werent you always negative and kinda yelling at her anyway? So what exactly do you miss? The opportunity to yell at her? Thats how my mother wanted to connect with me, thru pain, but honestly i just couldnt take it anymore. Its probably not just your t you do that with - the closer you are, maybe the more "honest" you are? But those close to you deserve politeness the most, not strangers. Others may disagree with me, but hey walk a mile in my shoes.

Always negative ? Yelling at her? No. Angry at her yes but I've never yelled.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Myrto

Always negative ? Yelling at her? No. Angry at her yes but I've never yelled.

Then what is the anger about? I dont mean for you to answer here, unless you want to, but maybe that is something to look at?

[awkwardlyyours]

I think OP's T has given her more than enough reasons to be angry about and then some.

Also, even if the anger is entirely transferential in nature -- which it really doesn't seem to be in this case given her T's batshit crazy behavior -- it is the T's job to contain it and help the client work through it. That's what their job is. Even the most incompetent and callous among them won't disagree with that statement -- whether or not they are actually able to do it (the gap between theory and practice) is the big question.

[growlycat]

I would not do well with your therapists style either. No way to try online therapy?

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I would not do well with your therapists style either. No way to try online therapy?

Honestly online therapy doesn't appeal to me. I need the face-to-face contact.

[growlycat]

I get that. I do. I personally do better in person. I wish you had a way to change therapists. She sounds kind of harsh and cold.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

I think OP's T has given her more than enough reasons to be angry about and then some.

Also, even if the anger is entirely transferential in nature -- which it really doesn't seem to be in this case given her T's batshit crazy behavior -- it is the T's job to contain it and help the client work through it. That's what their job is. Even the most incompetent and callous among them won't disagree with that statement -- whether or not they are actually able to do it (the gap between theory and practice) is the big question.

On point!!

[Sarmas]

My T started out with the ability to communicate via email and text. Then that changed. She never said that there's no texting or emailing allowed. She did verbalize with anger that I was bothering her and that my emails were overwhelming. She got the message across well. Then she stopped responding. Again in not sure how these types of actions are beneficial to clients. Perhaps they believe that this is a proven method. My T started me out with one session and then asked if I would like two per week. She only scheduled me in that fashion for two weeks and then made an excuse and dropped it one. I never questioned it and so I just thought that she didn't want to deal with me as much or she wanted the time for someone else. I know that she sees most Ed clients twice a week. She made the changes and never spoke to me about it. That happened twice in four years. In my opinion changes such as these cause a disruption. Clients are left trying to figure out why the changes especially when we are in a time of need. Again perhaps they have a reason as to why they limit communication. i ended my sessions due to Many factors but one being that I had no way to communicate outside of my sessions and I felt that the one day a week was doing nothing for me. I understand your situation and frustrations. Perhaps seeking a different t might be an option.

[therapyishelping777]

When I had my old T... who didn't really help much and sessions were further between.. I did betterhelp and found online therapy really helped me in between the in person sessions and actually my on line T's were in deed better than her.. maybe having online supplement as needed?