Couch 129: The Semiprime Couch

atisketatasket · Jan 31, 2017, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't actually understand the sequence of events I don't think.
If she said "I think you are X and your past therapists did too" and then called you up and left you a message that she was wrong and that one of your past therapists did not think you are X = then I would not find it offensive. I would find it somewhat incompetent and would find another (or others) to hire and quit this one (which it seems like you have been sort of trying to do any way) - but I can't say offensive is the word that comes to mind for me.

I don't fully understand how she would know about the other therapists or have their notes - how did she get them and why?

Okay, the conversation went like this (spread out over about 25 minutes):

DBC: I think you have x disorder.
ATAT: I disagree, but why do you say that?
DBC (begins to enumerate symptoms, to each of which ATAT points out it either doesn't fit her or is obviously due to current stress and trauma)
Finally. DBC: You know what? I'm going to stop walking on eggshells and be honest. Your other providers thought so too.
ATAT: All of them? What is the point of telling me that?
DBC: I'm being honest with you where they weren't.
(Exit ATAT)
(Voicemail from DBC 45 minutes later saying she was wrong about No. 3)

She spoke to 2 and 3 with permission, and requested the psychiatrist's notes because she wants to make a complaint against her for "abandoning" me last fall.

stopdog · Jan 31, 2017, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Okay, the conversation went like this (spread out over about 25 minutes):

DBC: I think you have x disorder.
ATAT: I disagree, but why do you say that?
DBC (begins to enumerate symptoms, to each of which ATAT points out it either doesn't fit her or is obviously due to current stress and trauma)
Finally. DBC: You know what? I'm going to stop walking on eggshells and be honest. Your other providers thought so too.
ATAT: All of them? What is the point of telling me that?
DBC: I'm being honest with you where they weren't.
(Exit ATAT)
(Voicemail from DBC 45 minutes later saying she was wrong about No. 3)

She spoke to 2 and 3 with permission, and requested the psychiatrist's notes because she wants to make a complaint against her for "abandoning" me last fall.

For me, I would quit this one and find a new one. And I never ever would let them be in touch with each other. But to me, offensive is not the word I would associate with the situation.

atisketatasket · Jan 31, 2017, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

For me, I would quit this one and find a new one. And I never ever would let them be in touch with each other. But to me, offensive is not the word I would associate with the situation.

Understand that I am more offended by the sudden insertion of other people in this dispute. It was "honesty" meant to hurt. I have no way of verifying this information, which I now really am skeptical of since she was in fact wrong about one of them. Additionally, it came across as manipulative: "this will get you to shut up and listen to me."

junkDNA · Jan 31, 2017, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I'm sorry! Hope it's not too bad! ((( hug )))

80 in a 65
$213.00

junkDNA · Jan 31, 2017, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Understand that I am more offended by the sudden insertion of other people in this dispute. It was "honesty" meant to hurt. I have no way of verifying this information, which I now really am skeptical of since she was in fact wrong about one of them. Additionally, it came across as manipulative: "this will get you to shut up and listen to me."

Does the diagnosis she suggested offend you? Like the particular disorder?

atisketatasket · Jan 31, 2017, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

Does the diagnosis she suggested offend you? Like the particular disorder?

Not so much that as the high-handedness with which it was presented (the woman has spent less than 24 hours in my company), it's something the profession loves to hide behind and can be caused by a number of other factors, and the complete inability to take in or answer any arguments made against it by me.

Plus I am not keen on anything more than "anxiety" going on my insurance record.

TrailRunner14 · Jan 31, 2017, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

80 in a 65
$213.00

Ouch! Sounds like we drive the same way. I kind of see speed limits as suggestions. Not on purpose. I just don't keep a focus on it.

stopdog · Jan 31, 2017, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Understand that I am more offended by the sudden insertion of other people in this dispute. It was "honesty" meant to hurt. I have no way of verifying this information, which I now really am skeptical of since she was in fact wrong about one of them. Additionally, it came across as manipulative: "this will get you to shut up and listen to me."

Are you looking for new ones yet?
I would not go back to this one

atisketatasket · Jan 31, 2017, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

Are you looking for new ones yet?
I would not go back to this one

Yes - called three today, have more to call tomorrow.

ruh roh · Jan 31, 2017, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I hate calling potential new therapists. Curse you, DBC.

And while we're on the subject, mini-poll time: what would you think, if a therapist trying to convince you had symptoms of x mental disorder says after some increasingly heated discussion, "and your other providers thought so too"? Asked why she would say that (especially given her low opinion of said providers), says she's being honest. It then turns out later that she is wrong about one of them when she consults her notes (as she tells me by voicemail). Is this as offensive as I think it is?

It sounds more juvenile than offensive to me. Sort of like what drumpf says when he goes on about "A lot of people tell me..." and then he pukes b.s.

I would tell her not to believe everything she thinks and then sign off. She really sounds caught up in her own ego and not very grounded in theory or experience.

I'm sorry, though. This is the last thing you need to deal with.

unaluna · Jan 31, 2017, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

80 in a 65
$213.00

Yikes. They got me once for that too. Im more careful ever since.

ruh roh · Jan 31, 2017, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Ok. I'm trying to stay positive and not think worst case scenario.

My counselor is moving to another location in about a month. He's considering 2 different places. One will be ok for me, I think. The other one he is considering is not in a really good part of town. It actually scares me to think of going into that area.

45 minutes of yoga didn't "shut it off" and I'm right back struggling with it.

I don't even want to think of the possibility of not continuing to work with him. I feel like I can talk to him about anything and I don't know how I would rebuild that with someone else.

If he does choose the "bad place" and I am brave enough to go there, I'm going to be triggered from that! How will I be able to make any progress?

He seems more 'not real' to me today.

I hate this!!!

I'm NOT going to worry about it!

Right?

Does he know you have concerns about the sketchy part of town? And if he chooses it, can you schedule during a time of day that feels safest to you? When my therapist was looking to relocate, and she had to do it in a hurry, she said she said she needed to keep in mind what they would be like in the dark, and that limited her options. I wonder if men ever think of those things.

velcro003 · Jan 31, 2017, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I hate calling potential new therapists. Curse you, DBC.

And while we're on the subject, mini-poll time: what would you think, if a therapist trying to convince you had symptoms of x mental disorder says after some increasingly heated discussion, "and your other providers thought so too"? Asked why she would say that (especially given her low opinion of said providers), says she's being honest. It then turns out later that she is wrong about one of them when she consults her notes (as she tells me by voicemail). Is this as offensive as I think it is?

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Understand that I am more offended by the sudden insertion of other people in this dispute. It was "honesty" meant to hurt. I have no way of verifying this information, which I now really am skeptical of since she was in fact wrong about one of them. Additionally, it came across as manipulative: "this will get you to shut up and listen to me."

Hmm. I wouldn't be offended, and if this was the first sort of conversation where you were left feeling not good about this relationship, I'd urge you to try again and see where she is coming from. BUT, she seems like she lives in Crazy Town, so yeah...i'm sorry you are struggling with finding a good T for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Plus I am not keen on anything more than "anxiety" going on my insurance record.

Can she not just put down anxiety as the code? What reason would she have to put in a more stigmatized disorder (i am guessing) if the client didn't want it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yikes. They got me once for that too. Im more careful ever since.

That is so cheap CE!
I got caught doing 40 in a 25...it cost me...FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS.

unaluna · Jan 31, 2017, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I hate calling potential new therapists. Curse you, DBC.

And while we're on the subject, mini-poll time: what would you think, if a therapist trying to convince you had symptoms of x mental disorder says after some increasingly heated discussion, "and your other providers thought so too"? Asked why she would say that (especially given her low opinion of said providers), says she's being honest. It then turns out later that she is wrong about one of them when she consults her notes (as she tells me by voicemail). Is this as offensive as I think it is?

Thats why i see men. A mensch wouldnt do that. And the women i see are mensches too. Not twits.

TrailRunner14 · Jan 31, 2017, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Does he know you have concerns about the sketchy part of town? And if he chooses it, can you schedule during a time of day that feels safest to you? When my therapist was looking to relocate, and she had to do it in a hurry, she said she said she needed to keep in mind what they would be like in the dark, and that limited her options. I wonder if men ever think of those things.

He told me at the end of our appointment so I would have time to process it. He asked me how I felt about it, and I did tell him that location scared me and the other location felt better. I wonder if men think of that too.

Where he is now, the light in the parking area would be out sometimes. It was really scary walking to my car when it was dark. I told him that it was pretty scary and he walked to the outside door with me and watched me get in my car. I appreciated that very much!

Hopefully, if he asked his other clients how they felt, maybe their response was the same as mine and it will matter to him.

I'm hoping!!

atisketatasket · Jan 31, 2017, 08:26 PM

I am strangely drawn to the potential No. 5 whose website includes pictures of dead cacti.

Jan 31, 2017, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I am strangely drawn to the potential No. 5 whose website includes pictures of dead cacti.

Dead cacti or live ones, time to bid DBC adieu.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 31, 2017, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkDNA

80 in a 65
$213.00

I'm sure you were just keeping up with the flow of traffic, right? (Been there!) If you haven't gotten one recently, try going to court, and maybe the cop won't show.

I got a warning a couple weeks ago for 41 in a 30 on my way out of marriage counseling. Even though the officer was like 'We both know you were going much faster than that!"

Jan 31, 2017, 08:38 PM

Trail...I don't think there is anything wrong with emailing T to find out what he's decided. I hope he picks the better place, but even if he picks the bad place at least finding out and not waiting a whole week will take some power out of the anxiety you are feeling about it.

On Speeding Tickets or just tickets in general: Speed limits, stop signs, red lights.. are all just suggestions. However, green does in fact mean go.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 31, 2017, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

He told me at the end of our appointment so I would have time to process it. He asked me how I felt about it, and I did tell him that location scared me and the other location felt better. I wonder if men think of that too.

Where he is now, the light in the parking area would be out sometimes. It was really scary walking to my car when it was dark. I told him that it was pretty scary and he walked to the outside door with me and watched me get in my car. I appreciated that very much!

Hopefully, if he asked his other clients how they felt, maybe their response was the same as mine and it will matter to him.

I'm hoping!!

I don't think men notice things like that the same way women do. They don't feel the vulnerability.

Possible trigger:

This is a totally different thing, but it was like my marriage counselor not understanding that I was scared by H punching the wall a few months ago. While my female T said she got how it was scary, because it would make me feel vulnerable. Especially since I'm a foot shorter than H and much less strong. MC didn't seem to understand that (and said he'd punched walls, too). T said he probably didn't understand because he was male--though about the same height as me!

That's good that you told him the one location scared you, because it would probably scare other clients, too. Hopefully he'll pick the non-scary one.

velcro003 · Jan 31, 2017, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I am strangely drawn to the potential No. 5 whose website includes pictures of dead cacti.

where do you find these T's with these bizarre websites!? I can't even find T's in my city WITH a website. (not that i am looking)

atisketatasket · Jan 31, 2017, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

where do you find these T's with these bizarre websites!? I can't even find T's in my city WITH a website. (not that i am looking)

It's a gift. Just like my awesome ability to find the craziest therapist in any zip code.

Jan 31, 2017, 08:51 PM

I start with a brand new T tomorrow. Her website shows a picture of her whole office with a big desk that has a computer on it. I hope she does not sit behind said desk when conducting therapy. That might work for some, but it wouldn't work for me. I plan to tell her that tomorrow if she sits there that if she conducts therapy from behind a desk we have nothing further to discuss. So the intake appointment could potentially be 5 minutes or the whole therapy hour. We shall see.

stopdog · Jan 31, 2017, 09:03 PM

I actually like interviewing them at the first appointment- it is like a sociology project or something -seeing how they have their office, their demeanor, their conceit etc. I quite enjoy it.

I found a large number of them list their website on psychology today. Sometimes just searching psychotherapist or therapist or lcsw and a city.

skeksi · Jan 31, 2017, 09:05 PM

Hope it was a happy birthday, LT!

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Couch 129: The Semiprime Couch

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