My therapist, my almost rapist?

Over a few months of therapy, my therapist seemed to get quite attached to me. I would make his day if I called, he started to get close, hold my hand, tell me I was amazing, etc. Unsure of what was going on I talked to my doctor but she said couldn't be so I took a month break from therapy before returning. Then my therapist sat me down and told me I was experiencing transference and projecting these feels on him. He assured me that it was ok and not to be embarrassed.

I couldn't understand how it was transference....counter transference I could understand. I am 36 yrs old, decent looking, blue eyed girl with good curves, he was a 50 yr old married man with gray hair with 2 daughter in their early 20's.

Anyways stupidly I continued therapy with him. Things continued because I assumed that his courting me was apart of therapy and my doctor got suspicious because they worked in the same office. She would see him escorting me around the building, taking me for walks, and him making comments. Anyways at the next opportunity he is made new diagnosis, get my psychiatrist to change med's etc. Then the opperuntity to involuntarily hospitalized me arose. He then told everyone that I was psychotic and suffering the delusion that I was in love with him. I was shot full of anti psychotics and placed in isolation.

After being released from the hospital I was put back into the therapists care. I tried not to go but was told I would be non compliant if I refused and placed back in the hospital. The therapists continued his courting, so I switched to a different psychiatrist. I told the new psychiatrist what was happening but he didn't believe me at first. Then the therapist wanted to sexually fantasize with me in session and I refused. So he called up my psychiatrist to get me hospitalized again. I refused to go back to the therapist so the psychiatrist monitored me himself. A month later, the psychiatrist told me to file a complaint against the therapist.

I am now seeing a new therapist but I shake in the chair for an hour each session while we talk. I am so completely scared that it will happen again, not just with therapists but with any doctors. How does a person get over something like this.....and is it possible?

that is a terrible story. it is so wrong and you should so report him!!!
When things like that happen I imagine it would be very hard to convince people that it's real, not just part of hallucinations/delusions or transference etc etc -

I'm sorry I don't have much to offer but maybe it would be easier to see a female therapist (if you can) and one that is married with kids so they will have no sexual interest in another female.

Hope you find someone you can trust

Hey there. I agree that it sounds like a good idea for you to see a female therapist. Another option would be for you to try and do group therapy instead of individual therapy.

It sounds to me like it is important to you (and indeed important to a lot of people) for there to be some fairly firm boundaries in place. Especially around physical contact. Some therapists do use touch (holding the persons hand etc) to good effect, but it sounds like it would be important to you (as it is to me) that a therapist not touch me, basically.

There are trustworthy therapists out there. Good luck with finding someone.

Now... I want to say this very gently indeed. As gently as possible...

Is it possible that you misinterpreted your therapists non-sexual interest in you as sexual interest in you? It could be the case that... If you have only experienced someone being so attentive to you in the context of a sexual relationship... That you think that someone only can be that attentive to you in the context of their wanting to have a sexual relationship with you.

Is your current therapist male? It might be that you would be better off working with a female therapist.

Unfortunately it doesn't explain wanting to fantasize sexually with me or the flower he gave me.

Well... It depends on what you mean by 'wanting to fantasize sexually with me'. If you mean that he was interested in what your sexual fantasies were then that can indeed be something that therapists are interested in. Our sexual fantasies reveal quite a lot about our intimacy issues. If he made self disclosures about his own sexual fantasies (and I'm not sure if you meant that) then it depends on whether he was doing this with the intention to help you open up about yours (to normalise your own fantasies, in other words). With respect to the flower... Some therapists do give clients small gifts like that. The fact that he gave you a flower doesn't entail that he was trying to seduce you into bed.

I don't know whether or not he was trying to seduce you into bed because I wasn't there. But I'll admit... That I am wondering if this is a pattern that you have found in your life...

If a male is attentive to you then do you think that it must be because they are trying to seduce you into bed?

If so, then I'd say that working with a female therapist on this issue could be helpful for you.

Even if not... Given that you have interpreted two therapists as being inappropriately sexual with you (and I'm being agnostic as to whether they were inappropriately sexual with you or not)... Given that you have interpreted two therapists as being inappropriately sexual with you (and it really is of no consequence whether they were in fact or not)... It is really understandable that you would be extremely hesitent to trust a male therapist and hence... It would probably be better to work with a female therapist who has fairly strict boundaries around no touching and no gifts etc.

'Cept it might be... That it is trickier to bond with a female therapist if there are themes of competition etc....

Hey Crackers,

It might be the case that you have used up your posting allocation for today. New posters are limited to 6 posts on their first day, I think. Not sure why, but I think that is the case.

You should be able to post as many as you want tomorrow.

So... To be continued tomorrow, I guess. Hope you have a good night. And... Welcome to PsychCentral. Lovely to have you here :-)

crackers

Your therapist sounds like he totally broke boundaries. Professional therapists DON'T take clients for walks and give them flowers. Therapists with ethics DON'T commit clients if they don't want to fantasize sexually.

You mentioned your psychiatrist noticed this? Did she do anything about it besides telling you to file a complaint?

IMHO, none of this is an misinterpretation on your part.

One of my therapists took me for a walk and told me that she cared about me. Her intention was to show me how physical exercise can have a positive effect on mood.

One of my therapists has given me flowers. A whole bunch of daffodils for my birthday. I've also been given single flowers. In the context of mindfulness meditation. Also in the context of... Trying to cheer my day.

Of course both of these things can be used unprofessionally...
But the fact that they occurred doesn't entail that a therapist is behaving unprofessionally.

I had a therapist once who took me for walks regularly. We'd begin the hour, and then walk around the downtown area while we talked. It was very productive for me.

My current therapist gave me flowers on my birthday. They weren't anything I was ashamed for my husband to see.

I find it curious that after deinstitutionalization it is seemingly so simply to have someone "locked" up who hasn't demonstrated injurous behavior. have you considered filing a complaint against this hospital as well?

Boundary crossings can be a warning sign, especially if there are a lot of them, but there are times when they are useful and appropriate too. The key there is who's purposes are served by allowing the boundary crossing. What motivates it? What is appropriate for one person isn't necessarily for another. To give a client a flower because it is meaningful for the client to be remembered that way is different than to give a client a flower in hopes of influencing how the client feels toward the therapist, especially if the therapist wants something from the client. Meeting outside of the office might be the only way that a client can start receiving treatment if that client is fearful of being alone in an office with a therapist, so going for a walk or meeting in a public place might be helpful to that client. That's different from the therapist who says "I have had a lovely time with you, how would you like to go somewhere with me and spend more time together?" Who's interests are really served? It should always be the client's.

There are therapists with too rigid boundaries too, IMO. Some are so afraid that they will get in trouble, that they will never give a hug, accept a gift, talk to a client outside of the office, or tell anything about themselves. They are still serving their own purposes (avoiding risk) more than the client's (for some clients, all of those things might be needed and appropriate). A good therapist maintains clear and appropriate boundaries, but still considers the best interests of the client first and foremost. They can be flexible when that is what a client needs, without doing or allowing anything inappropriate.

Crackers, it sounds like that therapist had his own gratification in mind, and I'm glad that he didn't get to take it further than he did. I'm sorry to hear that he used you that way.

It worries me that a therapist involuntarily hospitalized a client on the basis that the client is allegedly in love with the therapist. Or did I misunderstand crackers' original post?

This therapist has nearly truly earned his title the-rapist. Please get yourself a therapist without a hyphen...

Let me clarify my post.

Walks, gifts, etc. between client and therapist in itself obviously can be positive and productive. My worry is that these things in the context of crackers case is cause for concern.

Hi Crackers,
I totally get it as it happened to me. And, yes, you can get over it. I agree with others here that a female T or group would be best at this point.

The internist I reported it to didn't believe me either until others of this "pdoc's" clients came forward to complain about the same sexually assaultive behavior.

I'm sorry it happened to you too. It sucks. It sucks to not be believed. It had to REALLY suck to get locked up over it.

Well, I believe that it happened. And I believe that one can reverse the damage. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more openly about this "hot" topic.
Take care,
Okie

Post deleted by alexandra_k

Crackers,

I totally believe you! I had a "CRACKPOT" T too - can understand where you are coming from!

My love and heart to you!

SSR <font color="blue"> </font>

This man sounds extemely dangerous!
Believe your feelings and your experiences. There are unscrupolous people on that side of the desk, of course there are. You had the sense to get out. There may be others more vulnerable than you, its dangerous, it could do irreparable damage to someone. If you can report him with out truamatising yourself, then wouldn that be the right thing to do .............. wouldnt you think??

best of luck, thank god you got yourself out.

riverx

(((((((crackers))))))))))) it sickens me thta someone in that position would abuse their power and try to take advantage of people in need of their help. i hope you are able to report him before he does actually sexually abuse another young lady and do irreperable damage.

my heart goes out to you
recluse1

I would like to inform everyone that is concerned that I have reported this man and he is under investigation. Unfortunately he has already caused me serious damage therefore I will be pursuing this as far as I possibly can. I would like to see his license pulled.

Secondly, the occasional walk with your therapist is alright to do but if he wants to hold hands with you or put his arm around you while you are walking is inappropriate. The sexual fantasizing was him wanting to create a sexual fantasy with him and myself playing the part. We did not discuss any sexual problems that I have or had. But for everyone's knowledge I have not had any sexual urges since my assault back in 2005. I went into therapy after the assault and was diagnosed with PTSD. I have never been in therapy for any other type of mental illness in my life.

The problem I had is that he continuously violated my boundaries but his boundaries were never violated. Also, he was made aware of my concerns and did nothing to avoid the situation in the future. It is his duty to maintain and manage the relationship and if he is unable to do so he should have referred me to another therapist.

There has also been a concern about my hospitalization....it was approx. 1 month after I blew the whistle on him with my family doctor that worked in the same building. I believe the family doctor began to question his behavior as well and that is why he had me hospitalized, in an effort cast doubt on my statements.

Also in discussing this issues with other professionals in his field, I have found out that this isn't the first time he has exhibited this behavior.

With all that said, Everyone does have the right to express their opinions on the situation whether I agreed with it or not. I do not take it personally.

WooooHooooo!!!! Way to go girl!!!! Glad you reported him and are making sense out of why he hospitalized you when he did....

Good for you! You are one strong woman!

well done!! I think you need to file a complaint and get this sorted out otherwise it will be on your mind forever.
I have no opinion about whether or not he was inappropriate but my advice is if this goes anywhere (although you probably already know) you will be questioned and asked whether it was your imagination, delusions etc etc especially with a history of hospitalisation and other mental health disorders - so with that in mind, it would be good to have everything straight in your head to be able to say what happened. you may have already done this but Maybe you should write everything you can remember down with dates etc and everytime you remember something else record it because you are likely to go blank when asked anything. Also it is possible he chooses victims that he knows may not be believed if they complain - but I guess him having a history of prior complaints is in your favor and also having other specialists thinking you are totally credible.
And I think it is good people here question you because you will get a lot worse questions if this is persued.

Good Luck, Stay strong and keep us updated.

I actually was documenting the things that were happening. I have calendars, journals and emails with entries made. I have collected over 30 pages of hospital records of the event which only led to more questions. I had 2 doctors review the information before I filed a complaint because I doubted my own judgment for many months after the hospitalization. Since I have been taken off all medications, I reviewed all the information I still feel that something very strange was happening and no one has had the ability to explain why it happened. No matter how I look at this .....at minimum he still turns out to be too emotional involved in the situation which led to bad judgments on his part.

Since I started pursuing the truth I have been challenged, questioned, etc, etc about myself and my history. Let's face it everyone would rather believe that it's untrue than being true because this is so disturbing. Unfortunately this does happen but at least it doesn't happen often. I should also let you know that pursuing this is extremely detrimental to me but I feel it is my responsibility to get man acknowledge for who he truly is. I also agree that if I did have a prior mental health issues prior to this it would be much, much harder to prove. That's why I feel it is that important to have my questions answered. I do believe that he chose me because he didn't think I would be or capable of defending myself.

My history: I don't have any mental health history for counseling or hospitalization prior to 2005. I have no criminal record or been investigated for any wrong doing in my life. I have been a top achiever in my career, and logged many hours of volunteer work which I have received awards for.

Crackers, thanks for doing the right thing, even though it is hard. In the end, I hope that it brings closure for you, and prevents him from doing the same thing to someone else who may not be as able as you are to defend herself.

I feel reassured that you are, in a way acting on behalf of all those in a weaker position, as you say, </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I also agree that if I did have a prior mental health issues prior to this it would be much, much harder to prove. That's why I feel it is that important to have my questions answered.

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That is like the opposite of betrayal. Healing!

I just wanted to say, since the last time I wrote to you about this, I was thinking, if he'd just been a bit of a bumbling fool with no boundaries, it would be different, but with the threats and use of power about threatening you back into hospital, thats in a different league.
I hope the support you'r e getting here helps.

riverx