The Couch 145 : I Stubbed My Toe On the Sofa.... COUCH!

Decided to prep dinner... I like the colors

This is my first summer not dressing like winter too. I am surprised by how good the sun feels... and that I actually tan... but sometimes like today it is very hard and I feel too exposed and vulnerable. So, luckily long skirts and loose tops are in fashion too.

I still feel like I need to cover up to go to T though.

My sh scars are very old and do not look self-inflicted... but I have other reasons.

Meh... Wish I could do that too. I'm melting in jeans and long sleeves

I feel like I need to cover up for DM this afternoon too, which is strange because she's the only person I trust and doesn't care. She touched my bare foot the other day because I had a splinter in my toe!

I also cover up for more than just SH scars, there haven't been any fresh on my arms for awhile.

I'd like to go swimming. I haven't gone in an eternity.
I loved swimming





Okay, I'm going back to being a responsible adult now. *takes her pillow and hides in corner*

I have 3 rather large scars on my shin. But I still wear shorts. f it. I have less noticeable scars on my forearms

I've gained 5 lbs. I am devastated and I hate myself

Wow you guys are such good cooks on pc! My food usually looks like punishment. Please i want more gruel sir.

Hi couch.

I am home. T and I discussed my uneasiness at being off for 2 weeks and boredom. She "tried" to suggest "fun" things I could do, but none of them interested me. She said I scrunched my nose up at all of them. Lol. I guess I just have no interests anymore.

We also talked about my forgetting to take my meds again after doing so well for a while. She called it self-sabatoge. She asked if I cared about my health. I sat silent for about 2 minutes and then said that I honestly did not know. She looked at me like I had 8 heads. I am just living day to day and surviving one day at a time. I never think about things like that.

Has has anybody made their own dbt diary like card? I am not officially in dbt, but was thinking the diary cards where you keep track of mood, urges, and significant events through the week would be helpful for me personally.

Okay...off to cleaning now before I have to head to pdoc this afternoon.

Heh...speaking of pdoc, I just got a call from his office saying there was a cancellation for 2:30 and if I wanted to come in earlier to have more time between my appointment and work tonight. I accepted. So, I have about 3 hours to clean. Come on Squirrel.

I've been using Optimism online for this and it has worked pretty good. The bad thing is that it is going away. Right now you can still make an account on the web if you go directly to the log in page; however, you can't download the pc/mac/iPhone app anymore. I have the PC install files and could possibly get them to you. It will continue to work on the desktop once the turn off the web servers, you just won't be able to sync between devices automatically. I have found the way to sync manually. It's a pain in the butt but doable. There are other mental health tracking apps out there. I like Optimism the best.

Here is the login URL:
https://www.optimismonline.com/login.php

let me know if you want the app files for a PC and we can figure out a way for me to get them to you.

I hate my mother. Why can no one else see how manipulative she is? It makes me feel like I'm making it all up. That she's a good mom and I just am seeing it wrong. My dad sent a text that has me over the edge with emotion. I can't trust anyone. I'm dealing with more **** than just her, and I was progressing and getting better now I just want it to all go away

Vacuum run...now my nose is running....stupid allergies.

Room clean to my standards. Trash out. Clothes put away. Dishes removed and washed. Tidbits of stuff vacuumed up. Obvious junk mail thrown away. Now just to sort through the other mail and a few other small things.

2 hours till I have to leave for pdoc. Little worried. Hopefully everything will go well.

Native and lifelong Bostonian here and it's Jimmies and Soda in my world, but when i was a kid we called, "Soda," "Tonic!!" I couldn't even tell you when we transitioned from Tonic to Soda but I haven't heard "Tonic" in Forever...

I don't check my phone during school, because H knows that if there's an emergency to call the school. So I just checked my phone and my mother in law had sent out this group text talking about how no one is doing her laundry and she's humiliated because she feels smelly. I get that. H and I live 45 minutes away, so we struggle to get down there every day. But now the rest of his family is texting us asking like, what is going on, why are you not doing her laundry?

I work 2 hours away from where she's staying. I don't have the money for gas like that. I just...talk about humiliation. I'm mortified that his family thinks we've done absolutely nothing for my mother in law when the truth is we've done a lot!

It's just feeding into the "Daisy is a failure and can't do anything right" narrative.

I miss roboT. Plus I may need to extend our vacation into another week. Ugh.

Yay! I just checked my bank account the the additional loan I took out was posted to my account. Now to pick out a computer. Oh the choices.

If the rest of the family is so concerned about her laundry, ask them to do it? That's not physically impossible -- they can just pay to have a dry cleaning service pick it up and do it (most metro areas have some version of places that do this)?

(Of course if they're anything like my family, you will then hear the next familiar refrain of how if they were there, they'd move mountains for her etc......in which case, ignore feature is your best friend).

Pdoc visit of doom is getting closer. I am embarrassed of my email this past weekend. Hopefully he won't be mad about them. Trying to assure myself that it will be fine. He's never been mad in the past, why would he be now? I dunno, I just fear he is.

That's basically what I'm hearing. We're worthless because she almost died, how are we not taking care of her like we should, etc. mind you this is also the group of the family that practically disowned my mother in law a couple of years ago.

I hate families. At least Hs family is better than mine.

1 hour till I have to leave. Work 5:30-10:00 tonight. Then C at 8am tomorrow.