The Couch 146 : The Untouchable, Nontotient, Octahedral, Composite Couch.

it was more than a disagreement. it was pretty awful and i didn't share everything that was said. frankly i don't even remember half of it anymore except how i just got angrier as it went on. i have never fought with anyone like that in my entire life. ever. not my siblings, not my h, not friends, no one. i have always just took the blame in the very beginning and slunk off and hid.

i hate eyeball headaches - that's what I call them - i get those too. they are the worst. (((anais)))
what makes mine feel marginally better is I heat up my rice sock and lay in the dark with it over my eyes.

I can think my way through feelings, and then not actually feel them.

I like thinking and when things are logical and consistent.

I've never had one before! Relieved to hear it's a thing

Oooooouuuchhhhh

No more screen time pour moi

Speaking of feelings, I'm feeling a lot of them at present. Sometimes I wish I was a robot like RoboT is.

I miss that dumb robot. Sigh.

When one just wants a relaxing ball game to end the week with and they have to go and make it all stressful smh...

(((daisy)))

(((Ellahmae)))

and (((anyone else who wants/needs)))

I want to say all of the dumb things that I'm thinking right now, but:

1. I don't want to trigger anyone.
2. No one would care anyway.

Oh well. Suffice it to say I'm not OK. I'm taking some NyQuil for this dumb cold and going to bed.

I got mad like that once

It was a feeling of deep down betrayal. I dont think my current t could betray me that deeply now - maybe ive gotten more cynical in my old age, idk. But there have been hard times between us, just not betrayal per se. I think people can get thru hard times

Hey thats what the trigger function is for. It says enter at your own risk

i would care, daisy.

Feel free to PM if you want to talk, no trigger warning needed.

Thanks, guys. I'm just...I can't process any of the thoughts or feelings I'm having right now...



Supposedly it gets better, but I'll be 30 soon and I'm still waiting for the better part.

It only ever gets bad like this late at night, when it's quiet. Normally I'd be in bed by now. Can't sleep because of the cold.

I'm sorry Daisy that you are feeling so down. I know when I am physically not well, my mental and emotional state also take a hit. It sounds like the nyquil could be helpful for the cold and sleep would be helpful for the cold.

Do you need some soup or a hot bath?

I second the hot bath idea. Those almost always make me feel better, especially when I allow myself a good cry while I'm in there. (((daisy)))

Thank you all

Art, I'm proud of you for calling your T. I know you are not happy with yourself about it. You recognized that you were stuck in a thinking pattern and you took action to get out of it and the sounds of it, you didn't take ownership of the disagreements that occurred in your session. I think both of those are positive steps. It's not going to be easy whatever you decide to do. Your T has been a major part of your life for a number of years. I've never done what you are trying to do, trying to learn to do. My guess is that it is part of what I will learn as well. I stuck it out with my T through this rupture and things are still not good between us. They are better. I don't know if they will ever be good for us again. I guess I am holding out the hope that they will be good enough again.

So, maybe what was said at this last session will put a dent in things, will what is left be good enough to learn the lessons still available to you... I don't know. I know it was brave, courageous, and self compassionate to call her today and to talk about such a difficult topic.

Seriously though, I don't care how angry you were at her. That doesn't mean she throws a 6 year relationship away because, *gasp* you want to move on and forward in your life.
I feel ya on this sentiment, believe me. I am 36, and still waiting for the "better" part. I don't have answers for you, but something keeps pushing us on somehow. My T calls it the survival instict. Humans are meant for surviving, and will pretty much to to any length to do it until it truly seems irreparable, which takes a lot.

Sorry Art, her response clearly triggered something in me!

It's all good. I post this stuff here because getting other points of view is helpful for me.

((ALL)))

kdlj lewjueoueocoe oeri o ljlsls
I can't stand being at my ex's I will probably leave tomorrow as he is getting about ok on his crutches, he can make simple meals . The girls are old enough to get there meals. I can't stand it any longer. I want my bed I want my bath I want my routine and I want my food, or lack of.

Thanks, Elio. I appreciate that. It did feel brave, I almost dropped my phone when she said she didn't know if we could fix things or not, but I didn't and I didn't start groveling and begging either, instead I just said quite honestly that I didn't know either. I was glad that she admitted that it had been difficult for her as well and that she was still working through it. But then she said that a therapeutic relationship like ours should be able to withstand a blow up and that we would talk about it next time. So we shall see what happens.

BTW - Me too... It seemed odd that she would say that. It might have just been one of those things that slipped out and she's now kicking herself over it - or processing through it to figure out what the heck happened. I do believe that T's can get caught up in stuff too. I think the big sign is if she'll take any ownership in what happened or leave it all at Art's feet.

Just checked in on the meetup site for my drumming group and there's a thing tomorrow afternoon called "Radiant Rose Communal Blessing Ceremony". The description sounds like exactly what I need right now:

"Are you longing to receive good energies and to raise your vibration? As Rose, I offer you unconditional love and balanced emotions. I am a mood stabilizer and I embody compassion. Easing and calming stresses is part of my essence. Together we can shift to a more receptive approach in your life. Love, Rose"

and

"We will invoke Rose through rose flowers, rose flower essence, rose quartz, and rose tea. Our ceremony will include intention setting, cleansing, water ritual, chant, heart activation, rhythm and meditation."

Doesn't this sound lovely? I'm soooooo there.