[Heyy-hannahh]

I am 100% new to this site, (made an account just to ask this question) so my apologies if it's not in the right section at all.

I'm young, below the age of eighteen, and I've been seeing my therapist since May 18th. (It's July 7th now) and I'm really bad at verbalizing, so basically I'm writing down everything in a journal and my therapist reads it in our session. I see her once a week, though she wants to see me twice a week.

So, after our first session, I googled her. I always google people, I think tats normal? Well, that blew up and now I'm obsessed over her. I mean obsessed. I stalk her Facebook (she recently made her account more private than it was) including typing in "photos __ has commented/liked" so I can see what she comments on. Or likes. I used to stalk her friends list, she recently made that private. I stalk her LinkedIn hoping for more information, rarely getting anything new. A family member of hers works at the place too as the receptionist and I even stalk her. I made a fake instagram account (not just for them) to follow her and request to follow T. I stalk her family. Her husband. Her kids are younger, so I can't stalk them but I do go on her kids Facebook page to find pictures or posts of her kids (even a couple of her). I look for her everywhere. I know what car she drives and we both live in the same small town. I crave seeing her in public. Once I saw her in her car driving (she didn't see me) and my heart was so happy. I drive by her house. She lives in a subdivision too, so it's not an easy drive by. I'm on purpose entering her living neighborhood. This makes me feel crazy. Sometimes if I'm walking places, I take the longer way walking so she may see me walking, since I live ten minute walk from her office. I go to the gas station right next to her office to maybe get seen. I've drawn out her family tree. I feel genuinely crazy, stalkerish... I don't like her romantically, I just need to know more. Hell, I drive by her husbands work. When I'm in public, I look around for her. I dress nicely on T days. I buy clothes mainly for the sake of her seeing them. I have no plans on telling her I'm stalking HER, Id rather die than admit that, plus I'm getting in the way of her kids and that's a boundary too big to cross. But, I'm thinking of writing about it but for someone else. Like, I don't know who, but just someone. I don't know if this is too long or in the right place, but I need guidance on what to do. I love going to see her. Like, I count down the days and hours and a week feels so lonnngg..

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

In my opinion, you should talk to her about it.

I am like this with people, though luckily not with my T. I can imagine how bothering this must be. After years of struggling with this, I finally realized that it's probably due to severe attachment problems, and that's something that won't just go away on its own. And since it's very clearly bothering you, and Ts are there to help you with things that bother you, she would be a very good starting point as someone to talk to.

Now I understand that you don't just wanna go "hey, I stalk you and your whole family", that might freak her out. How about just talking about it without mentioning any names? From my experience, the questions that come back won't be "who is that person?", because really, that doesn't matter a whole lot. You two can still work on skills and things you can do to help yourself.

And if things then don't get better, and you feel that it really only could be solved if she actually knew it was her, then you can still think about mentioning to her that it's her. She is a professional, and she should be used to the fact that her clients might look her up, and that depending on their issues that might escalate. She should (in theory) be able to deal with it in a professional manner, without hurting you or freaking out herself.

[ElectricManatee]

It can be really intense and overwhelming to get the kind of sensitive, focused attention a therapist can provide, so I think your response to want to get more of it makes total sense. However, it sounds like you're pretty distressed by how all-consuming your feelings are. I too think you should talk to your T about it. If I were in your situation, I might just say that I felt uncomfortable about how intense my feelings toward her are and see how she responds. You don't have to get into the specifics of your behavior if you feel too embarrassed to talk about it. If she responds well, you can get into it more if you want to. Just hearing your T say she understands how intense your feelings are and she isn't freaked out by them might make the feelings less intense.

That said, maybe you can think about ways to re-route your behavior patterns because it sounds like they are making you feel bad. You aren't really getting the closeness that you crave by doing what you're doing. I know some people have been able to reduce their internet searching by saving a picture of their T and looking at that when they feel the need to "see" them. You could try going for a walk or a scenic drive elsewhere when you feel the urge to go places where your T might be. Depending on how your T does therapy, she might give you what's called a transitional object, which is something very small from her office (like a pen or a rock or a business card) so you can literally have something to hold onto between sessions.

I also think that if your T wants to see you twice a week and you can afford that, then you should do it. It would cut down on the intolerable wait time between sessions, and it might help you benefit from the actual connection you have with your T rather than being burdened by the fantasies of wanting to see more of her out in the world.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with ChickenNoodleSoup. Excellent advice. Talk to her about the situation without mentioning her name. I agree with you EletricManatee about eventually mentioning her name. I'm just worried that if the T name is mentioned right off with some of these details it might freak her out even though she's a professional. I wish you the best. Good luck.

[ElectricManatee]

I think that to me, the feelings are what are important here and the obsessive behavior is secondary. So it might make the most sense to talk about her feelings toward her T and their relationship without giving specifics about driving by her house, etc. Since she clearly feels bad about doing this stuff, the behavior is probably not be as problematic as it would be otherwise.

[Elio]

I did move from 1 x wk to 2 x wk and it helped. Don't think of it as being more... something negative ... but as finding a way to get things you need now so that you can work on where you want to be.

Early on I stalked more than I would like to admit. Then I stopped, I went back and captured pictures and videos of T and I use them. I have business cards, a voicemail, and emails that I use.

I journal extensively including detailed session notes. I will go back to those to remember things T has said. Some people are able to record their sessions and that helps them.

I did not tell my T the internet searches I've done or that I've captured the pictures/videos. I did let her know that I have to put effort into not going by her office at times that are not my time period. I think that might have surprised her because I don't think she understood or understands how obsessive I can become about something even though I tried to tell her in the past.

While I think talking to your T about it is a good idea, I would suggest caution in how quickly you revel the details if at all, to the extent of your stalking but talk in terms of how disconcerting it is for you that she has become such a focus in your life.

[Ididitmyway]

My advice may not be something you'd want to hear, but, I believe, it'd be better for you to find a new therapist, someone who is drastically different in their style from this one.

I don't know what this woman is triggering in you, but if this is something specific about her that you are reacting to, you need to understand what it is. In my experience, this is better done with somebody else, not with the same person who triggers those reactions. So, no, I don't believe that telling her about what you are doing will bring any therapeutic benefits, as well as staying in therapy with her. What is happening with you is a rather a big thing that needs to be understood in the context of therapy, but I don't believe this can be done with this particular therapist who triggers your obsession. This would be too much for you and for this therapist to do because it'd be too intense and too personal to make it therapeutic. This type of exploration is possible only in a much more emotionally cool and neutral space. So, you'd be better off with a different therapist at this point, I believe.

[pepper_mint]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

In my experience, this is better done with somebody else, not with the same person who triggers those reactions.

I think the opposite.
Yes, it is difficult, but when you can work on the issue with T. who's triggering you it's a good opportunity to take a closer look and to see how your feelings are changing. That is a therapeutic relationship for - we repeat some behaviors from real life with T. And then we can discuss it "online" - when we are IN this relationship and when it happens.

However, I would skip all details about searching, looking for family members etc. And focus more on feelings. That you'd like to know more about T., you can't and it's really frustrating. Then you can discuss your need without scaring T.

[ruh roh]

I think that it would be good to talk to your therapist about your need to have more contact--maybe just wade into it. There is something she must represent to you that's lacking in your life. I would hope she handles this with compassion. You're so young. I hope you can find a way to bring some of this up.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

My advice may not be something you'd want to hear, but, I believe, it'd be better for you to find a new therapist, someone who is drastically different in their style from this one.

I don't know what this woman is triggering in you, but if this is something specific about her that you are reacting to, you need to understand what it is. In my experience, this is better done with somebody else, not with the same person who triggers those reactions. So, no, I don't believe that telling her about what you are doing will bring any therapeutic benefits, as well as staying in therapy with her. What is happening with you is a rather a big thing that needs to be understood in the context of therapy, but I don't believe this can be done with this particular therapist who triggers your obsession. This would be too much for you and for this therapist to do because it'd be too intense and too personal to make it therapeutic. This type of exploration is possible only in a much more emotionally cool and neutral space. So, you'd be better off with a different therapist at this point, I believe.

I completely agree. I know you don't want to hear this but in your situation (and trust me I've been there) I would leave.
This is a full-blown obsession. The way to stop an obsession is to cut off contact with the object of your obsession. Talking to your therapist, in my experience, won't decrease your feelings, won't make things better.
And yes there is a strong likelihood that your therapist WILL freak out.
This is not a judgment on you at all btw: I used to be completely obsessed with my ex T and the only thing that put an end to it was termination.
I would find another therapist, as different from this therapist as possible and talk to them about the whole situation.

I've been in your situation–totally full-blown obsession. My therapist was tolerant and patient with my obsession. It was a. topic of conversation often, but we managed to get me. through it. When I read OP's post, it flooded me with memories of searching out my therapist when I was a teen and then in my twenties in the 70's and 80's without modern technology. I survived it and no damage was done to them. Good luck in what ever decision you make, because I can relate to your pain.

[mugwort2]

I know from personal experience to be obsessed with a therapist or other MH professional In my case I mean crushes. Though I never did anything except think about it. Never went any further. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings I would be very careful that what you're doing doesn't evolve into stalking. That is ie anything illegal I would try to at minimum wean off of your obsession. I 'd talk to her about your obsession concern in a way that emphasizes your concern, your feelings.