The Couch 148: Boby

I am going to start crying soon.

Tapatalk has required me to login at least four times this week. Getting annoyed at this.

I have a bad feeling about this upcoming concert

The whole thing has just been weird. Massive last minute schedule changes, a piece we were going to premier that apparently won't be completed now til next year (wha?), a link to the seating roster yesterday where there were complete sections of 8 cello and 6 bass, but only 7 of 24 violins and 3 of 8 viola? Scores emailed to me by three different people?

I really want to cancel. I'll have to leave home tomorrow at 7am for this mess. Maybe I am just too anxious today. Idk. Sorry.

is there any sense in cutting bait with these guys and calling another shop?

They looked at my car yesterday and said it was ok to drive, i just want to them to follow up on the job

I suppose it doesnt matter much as the car is not going anywhere and I have borrowed another car. I just really need to know whats wrong so I can make a decision whether to cut into my super or not.

plus its triggering feelings of neglect in me.

I have to log in every time I use it on my phone this week too and it's making me annoyed as well

BCM sorry the car people are being irresponsible. 4 hours is NOT soon. hugs

Back from the pool - I had the pool to myself and swam leisurely laps for an hour and a half. Blissful.

I'm trying to find a sub for tomorrow. I do NOT want to do this. I feel so lousy. I also feel like I'm acting like a five year old

I feel like they are ignoring me now as I have got their voicemail twice now.

It's all in my head, it's all in my head.

I wrote a poem, and hope I can share it here. I used to write a lot and this is the first time in years I have written. It's storming outside and I'm enjoying every beautiful note of every single raindrop and the clashing of the thunder.

Then & Now
I used to be ignorant, now I know too much.
I used to have faith, now it's what I lack the most.
I used to love the sound and sight of rain,
Now every rain drop is a message of pure hope.
I used to believe that trust meant secrets,
Now I understand trust is acceptance and belief.
I used to love animals and theirs sweet faces,
Now I have another two that have scarred my heart.
I used to think my scars meant ugly and weak,
Now I understand they are my story and my strength.
I used to believe my story was shameful,
Now I know it is my story to own.
That was then, and I'm working thru the now.

Thank you so much for sharing, Ellahmae. I read it through 3 times, and it really says a lot!!

Poetry has been my outlet for my feelings since very early in therapy with soon to be ex t, but for some reason I'm not able to poem what I've been feeling the past 5 days. I'm glad you were able to put yours into words. Maybe i will try again tomorrow. Please continue to share if you write any more, I love reading poetry.

If you've found it never pays to ignore your gut (I have), I'd say go with your gut (assuming not-extenuating financial circumstances etc).

I almost never go barefoot. I really dislike not having shoes on. I do agree if the rental agreement clearly states no shoes inside -then the airnb person should not do it.
I would not be able to abide such an agreement myself, but I would not try to rent from someone with such a clause in their K. I might could do inside shoes and outside shoes if in someone else's house, but no shoes at all makes my feet twitchy and very uncomfortable

The financial circumstances are somewhat extenuating but I could find a way to manage.

Very bad things have happened when I've ignored my instinct. My gut also feels very sick which helps.

But I also know I am panicking. Have been for a while.
I have a friend looking at the music to see if they can pull it off last minute. I just want to sleep but I have to wait to hear back from them.

Self loathing currently approaching critical level.
I just want to be at home and be safe tomorrow.

Have you changed your cookie setting in..uh...settings? I had to continuously login here and I couldn't login to another thing....figured out I had changed my "block cookies" setting. Changed it back and I don't have to login back in PC anymore.

I had this same issue. I wonder if some phone software update went out recently with different default cookie settings.

Just reading another thread and I don't think its strange

I don't think it is strange either. Seems like good info to have for any number of reasons.

Someone please tell me it's time to go to bed...

Go to bed, Ellahmae Take a rest