Really need support

Please moderators, don't move this! It does somewhat pertain to therapy.

So my sister had her baby today at 1:53am! I'm super excited for her. But I'm depressed as hell. She didn't tell me that she was born until 9pm tonight. It's too late to see her today, and I can't see her tomorrow morning. So we won't get to see the baby in the hospital. It sucks for my fiance because he can't go see them at their house. There's stairs and due to his disability, he can't do stairs. So he won't be able to hold the baby until whenever they bring her over to our house.

What also sucks is that everyone else in the family not only knew about the birth, but has already seen the baby. And they're posting it all over FB. And my mom or dad didn't tell me either.

On top of that, we helped my sister out so much financially with the baby. We probably spent about $5k. We bought furniture, bedding, clothes, diapers, toys, books, etc. They don't have a lot of money, my family doesn't have a lot of money, and his family and friends are...well... dumb. The oldest brother bought a kid's motorcycle instead of something useful for a baby. No one bought her bedding or bottles. They bought her genie diaper bags, but not the pail. She put a bouncy chair on her registry, they bought her 3! She put a diaper bag on her registry, they bought her 2! Etc, etc, etc. So we stepped up and got her everything she needed plus more. I have also made her 5 crocheted blankets.

I feel so forgotten. My heart is breaking. I tried to be a good sister. And she forgets to tell me that her daughter was born?!?!

We are having issues with my mom and stepdad, and now this. My fiance doesn't want any of my family at our wedding now!



I've already emailed and called my T for help, but she won't get back to me till minimum tomorrow. And I'll be getting a tattoo tomorrow afternoon (was planned months in advance), so I'll get my pain kick at least from that. I've also taken my Ativan, but it's been over an hour and I'm still crying. I might have to take another.

T said to me last week that people sometimes forget things when big events happen. (We were talking about ex-T forgetting me and how I felt like T forgot me). Maybe it's true, but it sucks. I've NEVER forgotten anyone important to me.

I'm still super depressed and don't know what to do. Everything is falling apart: my family, my wedding, my relationship with T...



Please don't criticise me right now. I don't need tough love. I'm looking for some empathy and support. Please! I really am not doing well and need support.

Are you safe at the moment?

I can understand your disappointment, especially when you've already gone the extra mile in helping out and with people you really care about.

How do you feel about possibly excluding your family at your wedding?

(((Scarlet)))

Ouch. I agree with your T that sometimes people forget things (especially in chaotic times) but it still hurts when they do.

I hope that your t gets back to you promptly, and I hope that your distress ebbs at least a little so that you can keep yourself safe

I truthfully don't know if I'm safe. I'm not in danger this second. But it's night time and soon I'll be alone (long story, but my fiance and I don't sleep in the same room). I think the Ativan is kicking in. I've stopped crying and am getting sleepy.

I really do hope my T gets back to me asap. I made a promise that in a crisis I won't do anything until I speak with her. I always try to keep my promises.

I don't know how I feel about not having my family at the wedding. Part of me is sad and don't want a wedding without them, but the other part of me doesn't want them there. I never really considered my family as support. Now I realize my sense of family is an illusion. I don't have family. It's all a sham. They all left me when I was 18...left me at a homeless shelter. Why would I expect anything different from them. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm the fool.

Concentrate on breathing. You are more than entitled to your feelings...but in this instance, can we get you to ground yourself? Or a distraction?

You are a good auntie and she will need a loving one in her life if she is surrounded by not so thoughtful adults. Hang in there - the little one will need you

Keep talking if you need to.

Do you also have helpline numbers you could call or email?

Well, I've had coffee, smoked a ton, treated myself to a few Oreos, and played for a few minutes on the computer. I'm trying to convince myself to take a bath. My dogs are helping. They've been cuddling with me because they know something is wrong.

I do have a crisis line number, but I don't like to use it. Some of the counselors are mean. If I'm not in danger, they'll shoo me off the phone to help someone else. Or they give horrible advice. I once had someone tell me to call a peer line, so I did. They told me my issue was too severe that I needed to call back the crisis line...

I don't know what to do. Suck it up? Get over my feelings? Take a stand? Who to side with? My fiance has basically written off my family. He removed them from FB, and sent nasty emails to my mom. He's been telling me not to worry. The only thing that matters is we have each other, the dogs, and our house. I feel torn. I'm so heartbroken.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain at the moment. I honestly wouldn't tell you to get over your feelings- they are valid and you're not being unreasonable. But right now keeping you safe is our main priority. Focus on yourself right now if you can. You're going to get through this.

That does sound like an awful response to be honest. In the UK we have Samaritans who you could still email at: jo@samaritans.org if that would be easier.

A hot bath would be a good distraction! What's your favourite movie? Could you put that on or some music? Your dogs sound adorable what breed are they?

I'm craving oreos now!

Wow, Scarlett! You are so strong, girl! I've dealt with my own family issues as well. It's taken me to my mid 30's to start standing in my power. And it's just a start.

It's awesome that you are standing in your power now and working through these emotions.

A bath sounds lovely. Do you have lavender scents to add to it?

Oh Scarlett how painful that sounds. Sending lots of hugs and good energies your way. You are a wonderful person and nothing can take that away. Those things that you did, the $ you spent, maybe think about them being for the baby more than for anyone else... you've given her so much that will add to her being a happy baby girl! Things that no one else gave her! You are an awesome Auntie. I hope you were able to get a nice soothing bath and are starting to feel better now. (((Scarlett)))

I'm sorry, that sounds really painful. You don't have to make decisions about things like the wedding right now--as others have said, just focus on keeping yourself safe.

Scarlett, I am so sorry for the way you're being treated by your family. I wonder what possible reason they could have for not telling you about the baby, especially since you have done so much for her already! That's very rude and inconsiderate.

I know you will be a wonderful aunt!!

Please take care of yourself right now and be safe. I hope your T contacts you soon. Hugs.

Scarlett, I am so sorry this has happened. I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. You have been such a wonderful auntie already. Please be safe as this situation will resolve itself & you are a very strong woman. Be there for your new niece, when you can be.

I'm so sorry for the way your family has treated you. It's incomprehensible. The birth of a baby seems like a very big thing to forget to tell you. I hope you're staying safe. I agree with the other posters: you don't have to decide what to do about your wedding right now. You will get through this I'm sure of it

I"m sorry you are in so much pain right now. Hopefully you will keep your promise to your T about SH.

As for your fiancé deciding your family can't be at your wedding, that concerns me.. Do you have a tendency to give away your personal power? That can lead to feelings of helplessness and then to self injury. It is YOUR decision if you want your family at your wedding. You may decide that family is indeed a rotten family and don't want them there. But again that's your decision.

Giving birth to a child is an incredibly overwhelming experience. When i had my son i didnt get around to telling one of my friends until a week later. She got so angry with me that she ended our friendship. It hurts to this day. I don't think you were deliberately excluded. Hope you feel better soon

Have you tried the site for online therapy?: https://www.betterhelp.com

I might try the Samaritans next time.

I fell asleep finally, so I didn't take a bath.

My dog are 3 Shelties.

I'm sorry for the oreo cravings! They were good. Firecracker kind that had pop rocks in the center!

Have you tried the site for online therapy?: https://www.betterhelp.com

I looked into that awhile back. But I don't really want to pay for another T.

Yes, I understand...one time a therapist was planning on moving any way and gave me a discount for the price I needed... just a thought...always ask to see what they can do for the price...

So my T emailed me this morning:She's right. The baby is more important than my stupid family. So I texted my sister apologizing, but explaining that I was hurt. I asked if we could come over Friday to see them. I tried to vribe her with food...lol. Now just waiting for a reply.

I'm calmer today, but still really hurt. My fiance is super tired because he had nightmares about all of this all night. I woke up every couple hours dreaming about being forgotten.

Yes, those feelings are powerful... It's a sign of anxiety... I just had a few panic attacks like that...it's a fear of abandonment...some people get fear of abandonment because of other reasons...for example like a borderline personality disorder... I hope the best for you and a peaceful family...