Me, T, jobs, dilemmas

Well some of you know I've been in therapy a long time, and my life is changing, which is supposed to be good.

Anyway, I'm getting more work, which is good too, right?

Well, yes and no. T has given me a lecture (nicely done, but still a lecture) on self-care and on how it is absolutely essential that I keep having therapy. I MUST keep Thursday morning free for therapy. Which I agree, certainly the six year old in me needs the therapy. And the fact that I fall apart when I do miss a session, it is clear that I really need the therapy. Probably for the rest of my life.

But there are opportunities coming up, I can't go to an interview and say, "Well I'm sorry I can't do Thursday mornings because I'm completely nuts and need therapy!" So I'm kinda stuck, I can't think straight on ths one. I NEED the THERAPY but I NEED to work too.

Help!

I changed jobs a couple of times in the middle of therapy and it was scary but I did it. You take the job and during the negotiation portion at the end you explain that you have a medical appointment on Thursday mornings so you won't be in until X o'clock and you'd be happy to stay late or come early some other morning, work lunch hour, etc. Just make it matter-of-fact and non-negotiable and if they want you, they will work around that. Lots of people have special circumstances that need working around and are doing "their" thing during work.

If you're free-lancing, you just say you're not free on Thursday morning, you have another "client" :-) Tell them you have another long-standing "job" Thursday mornings. I told the truth for my jobs, that I had therapy, got out the "I'm crazy, whether you like it or not so get use to it!" :-) bomb so everyone would know and be shocked that I dared speak of it. After I got to know everyone and they got to know me (my last job I worked at for 8-1/2 years) it got to be lots of fun even and extremely helpful to me in therapy (I got teased by one boss the "morning after" my appointments; apparently I was in a "bad" mood sometimes and I hadn't realized it or looked at it to see what had happened in the session the afternoon before to cause it).

But come up with a "story" you're comfortable with; doctor's appointment, other engagement, other job, whatever. It's your life and you can arrange it however it is comfortable for you! It's not slavery when you take a job, if the job is a good fit they'll let you work them in around your existing life.

Your post gives me some hope Perna, thank you.

At the moment I work part-time, unfortunately they wanted me to work Thursday morning. I said I couldn't. But I felt so guilty for letting them down, but do need to do self-care too otherwise I can't do any flipping job.

The other thing is that I have recently applied for a full-time job which would lead on to me becoming a fully fledged chartered clin Psychologist. My dream. But I have many problems myself. Competition for the position would be very strong and I have very negative thinking in that I don't have a chance. Will they let me see my T still? I'm unlikely to get an interview even but am holding onto the dream. I don't know I'm stressed out and I'm not getting any younger. If I don't go for this now, I never will.

But on the other hand I enjoy the job that I do now (therapeutic work with children), should I stay where I am and hope that I can progress in the field that I am in?

Sigh! I need my T!

This isn't the last job interview toward your dream job that will come up for you Pegasus! Doesn't matter what your age, dreams can still be persued. In 1971 I changed my college major and graduated in a different subject than my dream and I just got my dream subject degree this May, 30+ years later! But the point is, I still got it, at 56.

Everyone has problems, including psychologists/therapists and lots of T's do other things before they become T's. Mine was at least 10 years older than I am and I know she didn't get her degree and start practicing until 1971 when she was 30-35.

I'm sure some good combination of job/experience will show up that will move you "ahead" toward your dream. If not this interview, more will come along and one will be just right.

Thanks Perna,

So confused at times. T says I already am a T but I guess I'm trying to push things on, maybe too fast. My teenage daughter recently left home which made me feel very old. And I thought, heck! Where's my life gone.

I guess what will be, will be, but I'm frustrated at how slow things are going and shocked at how fast things are happening too!

I think if I get an interview for this job, I'll have to be honest and say, I have a T and I need to keep seeing him?

pegasus, just wanted to throw a thought, what would happen if you stated as perna suggested, no thurs, not negotiable and if asked why simply state: private. we are all still entitled a private life i believe... best to you...

Yes, the time going by and feeling old is hard; my older two stepsons are 40 and 39! That seems old to me, even not talking about my age! I just started grad school this summer :-)

Maybe you could say you have a "class" (continuing ed) on Thursday mornings? :-) My T had to change my day because she had to take a series of classes on Friday afternoons. T's see therapists too, all the time. I don't think they'd be "shocked".

In the part-time job I'm in I have always said that I can't do Thursday mornings but I'm now looking for fulltime. My T works Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm so I would have to negotiate time off. Is that possible? It would have to be.

T did say he could change the time but it still means me being brave enough to say so to my employer. I might be worrying for no reason here, maybe things will work out.

Thanks for your reply.

All T's have supervision, yes but I want to insist on seeing my T. I've been with him a long time and he knows me better than anyone.

It's so hard to be able to say what we need and would I be shooting myself in the foot by saying that? I don't know.

Thanks for your input folks, my brain is swimming around.

Is the full-time job is with the same employer? If so, then you could just remind them that you will continue to be unavailable on Thursday mornings as that commitment won't be changing.

I can imagine it's a worry, but it's one of those things you won't know how it goes until you put it out there and.. see how it goes.

I hope it goes your way!

No, I meant when T's are on their own and have problems in their own lives they go see a T. One of my best friends from high school is a psychiatric social worker with clients for the State of Georgia for the last 25-30 years and she had breast cancer and other issues and they go to their own therapists off and on as they need it; would be a bit hypocritical of them if they didn't allow T's for the T's when they need them? They're not "perfect" as people or T's.

The full-time position is with another employer but all the services are interconnected in the UK anyway.

Perna, I think you might have hit the nail on the head there! Perfection! I'm very flawed, many problems. My T is right, whatever I do I have to keep going with the therapy. He has said to me before that there is the 'perfect T' and the 'flawed T.' My T likes the flawed T.

Well my brain isn't swimming around so much as it was. I think it was the fear of maybe having to give up my therapy. That's not been mentioned. In fact T has told me I MUST continue it. That would be good self-care, right?

Maybe it would be less of a problem if your therapy appointment was at the tail end of your day. My employer seems to be take it more in stride if I leave a bit early one day than if I come in late. Could you do therapy at 4 or 5 pm in the afternoon? And maybe work an hour later on another day to make up for the lost time?

Yeah, I do think that there is probably a workable solution to this for sure. Working part -time, I could fit the therapy in where ever but for some reason a Thursday morning suited.

Well, that can be changed. The full-time position has something called 'personal study-time' between 4 to 5pm so it looks like I could fit it in then.

I think it was the fear of no T, the fact that I might have to spill my guts, or try to be the perfect employee. I don't think I have that much chance with that particular job but I have already told my manager that I am looking for full-time work now. I think it would be good for me to do that.

So I'm quite excited by all these changes but I have a big child-part of me that needs lots of reassurance and a T.

Thanks for your help.

no matter what your job or profession you can go to a T like anyone else in society.
I'd just not want to see someone I know professionally because that would be a bit awkward.
I understand about the stress of trying to get appointments during working hours but I couldn't quite understand why you were worried about going to T if you were a psychologist. Drs go to other Drs when they are sick, and if anything are encouraged not to self-diagnose or self-treat etc.

Anyway I hope it all works out

I'm not a psychologist.

It's the fact that for any good job you are expected to be perfect. I think if I disclose the fact that I see a T at an interview, my chances of getting the job will be even harder, but I do need to keep seeing my T. Can you see my worry with this?

Anyway, this thread is helping me see that I really do need to keep having therapy!

Hey Pegasus!

Man I've been worried about fitting in therapy myself since I'm being forced to change jobs (was laid off from my last one). I still haven't figured out how I'll manage it, but I'll have to 'cause I don't think I could survive without T.

I'm a little confused by what field you're going into as you've stated that you're not a psychologist but you're planning to be one? Is that right? I'm pretty sure most psychologists and therapists continue to go to therapy themselves. My best friend IRL is a therapist and she has always gone to a therapist herself at least once a week and states that she will throughout her career. I think it's the norm. My own T counsels anyone planning to be a therapist to stay in therapy themselves as it will aid them in their career.

But at any rate I like the suggestions you've received on here about making it non-negotiable. I'm terrified about working it out myself, but I might very well drop a job that wouldn't let me see T. It's just too important to give up.

Best of luck,
Sidony

Thanks sidony, your post is very helpful.

I'm a little confused about who and what I am at times. I have always worked with supporting people. I did a couple of years supporting adults with mental health problems. And I have been working as a professional with children for the last three years. I am a member of the British Psychological Society - my professional organization.

The full-time job I was talking about would be working with adults in primary care and would lead onto becoming a chartered clinical psychologist. A dream and a passion but I do enjoy working with children so much. I don't think I'll get that.

Funnily enough I am actually getting more work with children so maybe I'll stay where I am.

I do feel a lot better about fitting in therapy now.

(((((((((((((((( pegasus ))))))))))))))))

TY

Seems I freak out when I'm not working!

Pegasus, couldn't you get a job as an assistant psychologist first (using your background with children as an "in")?

http://tinyurl.com/2tjwwf

It says: "It is common for those intending to train as chartered clinical psychologists to work at assistant level and gain experience in a clinical setting prior to commencing full training."

Hello Perna,

I asked my T about the assistant psychologist post a long time ago and he didn't seem to think that I need to do that.

The thing is I do get confused on what level I'm at, at the moment because of my MH problems I tend to dissociate from good stuff. It could be that I am already on the right road? And it could also be that I will never get there.

I do know that my T is with me every step of the way, pushing and encouraging me, sometimes pushing a little to hard and sometimes not enough!

Thanks again.

Hey Pegasus,

I'm not real familiar with your situation but have to agree with others that you need the T.

Here is couple ideas but might not work where you live.
You need to tell the people you work for that you must have off on Thursday. Sometimes you can sway days. Work Saturday instead of Thursday. Or may be work 10 hour days for 4 days a week. Or work one day from home and the other days in the office.

Good luck.

Thanks froggyfriend,

Where I am now I have not really had any questions asked when I have said I can't do Thursday morning. I have always said, "I do something else...."

My part-time work is definately picking up now.

My fear over the weekend was what to do if I change jobs or go full-time. I have realised that it is important for me to keep seeing T, probably even more so with my difficulties in coping with change.

Your therapist should have your best interest at heart. He should care about you in all ways and that includes supporting you in your employment. If you have a job opportunity that would not be possible because of the therapy session, change the session time. you cant tell the employer you will work a different time - but you can tell the therapist you will come at a different time. Most therapists have evening and or weekend appointment to accomodate most of us that do have to work. You cant turn away a job offer for a 45 minute session.