Couch 157: Fair Value

RaineD · Nov 17, 2017, 04:11 AM

Sometimes I'm afraid this forum will scare people away from therapy. I saw that a young college student asked what therapy is like. I thought to myself: don't look here to find out what therapy is like, or you may never try it.

Nov 17, 2017, 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaineD

Sometimes I'm afraid this forum will scare people away from therapy. I saw that a young college student asked what therapy is like. I thought to myself: don't look here to find out what therapy is like, or you may never try it.

I think there tends to be more positive voices on here than negative. Though I don't think us posters are a typical sample of therapy users because we tend to be a lot more long term than is typical I think. I don't think it's a bad thing that people beginning therapy are aware of the potential for attachment issues to arise in therapy. It's better than going into it blind. It was a big shock for me.

Nov 17, 2017, 04:53 AM

Hi stressed how's things?

CantExplain · Nov 17, 2017, 05:05 AM

Hi Raine!
Welcome to the couch!

Nov 17, 2017, 05:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Runcible Spoon

I think there tends to be more positive voices on here than negative. Though I don't think us posters are a typical sample of therapy users because we tend to be a lot more long term than is typical I think. I don't think it's a bad thing that people beginning therapy are aware of the potential for attachment issues to arise in therapy. It's better than going into it blind. It was a big shock for me.

I found PC because I developed transference and attachment to my ex T and thought I was broken for those feelings because I was supposed to be well in 12-14 CBT sessions...

I told her and found this place and it helped when she went on maternity leave after 25? sessions with me.

Nov 17, 2017, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I found PC because I developed transference and attachment to my ex T and thought I was broken for those feelings because I was supposed to be well in 12-14 CBT sessions...

I told her and found this place and it helped when she went on maternity leave after 25? sessions with me.

Yeah I found it really normalising and it helped me to learn about what's appropriate in therapy and realise my first therapist's boundaries were all wrong.

StressedMess · Nov 17, 2017, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Hi stressed how's things?

Not sure what I was anxious about through the night, I thought I was doing all right! I saw your post about your daughter going away to uni, how are you doing? Mine grew up too fast!

ElectricManatee · Nov 17, 2017, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaineD

Sometimes I'm afraid this forum will scare people away from therapy. I saw that a young college student asked what therapy is like. I thought to myself: don't look here to find out what therapy is like, or you may never try it.

I think this forum has the same issue as online review sites in that the extreme viewpoints (positive and negative) are over-represented. I think many people who go to therapy are satisfied, maybe think about it afterward, but mostly go on with their lives. People who post here (myself included) are often having a particularly strong response to the therapy experience.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 17, 2017, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I think this forum has the same issue as online review sites in that the extreme viewpoints (positive and negative) are over-represented. I think many people who go to therapy are satisfied, maybe think about it afterward, but mostly go on with their lives. People who post here (myself included) are often having a particularly strong response to the therapy experience.

I agree. I mean, in the past (like 12 years ago), I had been one of those therapy-goers who was generally satisfied and found it helpful, but felt no need to find other people to talk about it with. It wasn't until, like a couple of you mentioned, I developed transference that I sought out a place to understand those feelings.

I do see how this forum could scare someone (though I'm certainly not saying we should censor ourselves to avoid scaring anyone off!) My fears of abandonment by MC became much more intense after reading about some people's stories on here (which is part of why he said he didn't like me reading these forums--because it puts fears in my head).

anais_anais · Nov 17, 2017, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I know this question should probably go elsewhere, but I feel more at home here on the couch.

Does anyone else hear the voice of their abuser? I had to revisit a transcript of an abusive incident from May and discussed it today in session. Later, when I was at the grocery store, I could hear one particular phrase over and over in my head.

Possible trigger:

you stupid f*cking sl*t

Just over and over while I was trying to buy food. Is that normal, to hear this voice in your head? I got really upset and anxious and had to sit in my car and cry for a while. I also made some really poor food choices while in this state. I'm feeling not really healthy mentally right now. Will this ever end?

ETA: I also emailed my therapist about this incident and I'm feeling super bad about myself that I did that.

(Np) yes. The voice of my father will get stuck in my head, also with a specific phrase, on repeat. I've learned to handle most of my dissociative/ptsd tendencies and episodes over the course of my treatment, but not that. It is really maddening. I hear you. It will stop. I just wish I knew how to turn it off myself.

anais_anais · Nov 17, 2017, 08:23 AM

I consider the mystery somewhat solved: new guy's father is a therapist (inner laughter but also crying)

anais_anais · Nov 17, 2017, 08:23 AM

((Luc)) i am glad t2 is working out!

ruh roh · Nov 17, 2017, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I consider the mystery somewhat solved: new guy's father is a therapist (inner laughter but also crying)

Scary, but also rich with possibility. You could do some field work for all of us about therapists in the wild, how they behave in their natural habitats and so on.

atisketatasket · 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Scary, but also rich with possibility. You could do some field work for all of us about therapists in the wild, how they behave in their natural habitats and so on.

I dunno...what if aa falls under his spell and “goes native”?

Velcro, how did it go in court? I hope you took a cat with you.

anais_anais · Nov 17, 2017, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Scary, but also rich with possibility. You could do some field work for all of us about therapists in the wild, how they behave in their natural habitats and so on.

Not to mention their kinship structures....

Aside, in the very early days of M (and the last two times I ever saw my family) I took literal field notes when visiting home, at M's suggestion-- a way to keep me sane/amused/detached/vigilant. It was both fun and horrifying, as one might expect. It did bring back traumatic memories of my intro-level anthropology prof, though.

captgut · Nov 17, 2017, 11:31 AM

It's weekend again.
Nooooooo

NP_Complete · Nov 17, 2017, 12:00 PM

I wish my therapist would respond to my emails sometimes. I woke up this morning with my husband's voice still in my head and it would be really nice to hear something kind from my therapist. But he won't. I wish I could call him and talk to him today.

lucozader · Nov 17, 2017, 12:02 PM

((Couch))

I saw a doctor (hilariously called Dr. Hurt) today... been waiting six months for this appointment. She was good. Listened, asked the right questions, generally respected me and gave a s**t. I'm being referred to an ENT and a cardiologist. Someone should have done that a long time ago but at least it's finally happening.

I have put on some weight, which is a good sign, and my lung function test results have remained stable. That's probably good. Had a chest x-ray and will possibly have a CT scan soon depending on those results. I hate CT scans. Oh well.

velcro003 · Nov 17, 2017, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I dunno...what if aa falls under his spell and “goes native”?

Velcro, how did it go in court? I hope you took a cat with you.

lol!! my kitties stayed home, unfortunately. it went okay- i had to fill out a form to re-open my case and state why i missed my court date. they made a copy of my state inspection, and she said she would bring it to the judge. i will get a letter either dismissing the charge or another hearing date. i am hoping the judge dismisses it bc the inspection was done before the due date, and i did try calling multiple times. i am glad i got to go first thing this morning, and also that it was an easy fix, i hope.

ruh roh · Nov 17, 2017, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

lol!! my kitties stayed home, unfortunately. it went okay- i had to fill out a form to re-open my case and state why i missed my court date. they made a copy of my state inspection, and she said she would bring it to the judge. i will get a letter either dismissing the charge or another hearing date. i am hoping the judge dismisses it bc the inspection was done before the due date, and i did try calling multiple times. i am glad i got to go first thing this morning, and also that it was an easy fix, i hope.

I'm glad it went well and was a simple thing to request. I hadn't wanted to share, in case it's different where you are, but I found that some things that sound like they will require a lawyer are solved pretty easily. In my case, I saw on a citation that I could file for deferment and possibly prevent the violation from getting on my driving record. I imagined a dramatic court scene with a pricey lawyer, when in reality all I needed to do was check a box and make a payment to a cashier.

ruh roh · Nov 17, 2017, 02:07 PM

Informal poll:

Does anyone ever feel blamed when a therapist handles a reaction to an event as a trigger, as opposed to treating it as though it was a crappy situation that any reasonable person would be upset by?

I realize now that I can see what I wrote that I would probably be equally pissed by the later because it would feel like that normalizing thing therapists do, and risk feeling dismissed.

I guess I cannot be pleased in this matter.

unaluna · Nov 17, 2017, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anais_anais

I consider the mystery somewhat solved: new guy's father is a therapist (inner laughter but also crying)

That is just too freakin funny. Not ha ha funny, but omg you smelled it on him. Well it sounds like he knows how to communicate, thats good, right?

LostOnTheTrail · Nov 17, 2017, 04:40 PM

Difficult day today - TWs for mention of medical matters, surgery, eating disorders

Possible trigger:

I went to pottery class today…still feeling fragile from yesterday’s session. My tutor mentioned to the other person attending that she’d been to the doctor’s, and they’d taken bloods, but asked her to come back in for more blood tests, due to high potassium. ‘I looked up high potassium, and amongst other things it would suggest I’m in end-stage renal failure, which I don’t have.’
I bristled at this, because there are associations with both ‘Kim’ and Chris, and then…
‘How’s so and so?’
‘She’s going in for surgery tomorrow. She’s prepared for the operation, but she’s been told she’ll be in a bit of pain afterwards. Her chest and shoulders will hurt, because they go in through the sternum, and the shoulders because they tie you down to access the chest…’
‘…’
‘Are you alright, Lost? You’re looking a bit green.’
That conversation ended there, but I took a while to calm down. Then my friend came in to see the tutor. He’s the one whose mother passed away last month. We spent most of the day talking about the work I was producing, and somehow got on to…
‘It’s like that Family Guy episode, the one with the girl with anorexia….’
‘Stop. right. there.’
‘What’s up?’
‘I’m sorry, I just can’t deal with that right now…it’s a touchy subject for me.

Nov 17, 2017, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captgut

It's weekend again.
Nooooooo

You can do my essay plan as I seem to be totally incapable of putting coherent thoughts together. Keep busy or if all else fails do what I do and lie on the bed and go to my happy place, or play my iPad game til I see hidden objects in my house.

stopdog · Nov 17, 2017, 05:42 PM

Most traffic law is not dramatic courtroom stuff. It can just be easier for some people to hire someone else to handle it. I can sometimes do things by phone that a pro se litigant has to go to the courhthouse.

Velcro I am glad you got the form filled out quickly and easily.

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