Couch 157: Fair Value

You both don't deserve it. Not at all.

I gotta stop crying at work ugh

((BCM))

Grey and damp here for the third day in a row. I might need to look into getting one of those sunlight lamps.

At the courthouse, half an hour early.

I had to sneak out while the cats were bickering about which one should come with me.

I am surprised the therapist didn't tell you to take both cats. More cats traveling is always a good idea.

Do you ever just want to yell "people, it is just propaganda. Don't get caught up in the myth and advertising = it is unrealistic and exaggeration. Set your expectations lower. And it is just not my problem"
It is like the virgin seductress.
Not about therapy particularly - just a few too many whiny defensive articles about raising children and why others are not admiring/caring/helping/ with their ordinary and miserable children/ being an adult is hard, holidays are supposed to be magic and others are not doing what (author) wants.

I should think they would be drawing straws.

Im in a grumpy mood this morning. I have a gp appt this afternoon, so no coffee or food until then, plus i have to take a shower. Maybe i AM part cat!

I’m divorced. Future ex wasn’t there. Probably because he disappeared on his own lawyer, which is why he never signed the service papers (there was a bad moment when the judge tried to order another attempt at service by publication, but my lawyer had a counterargument), which is why it had to be done by default. I suppose if he resurfaces in the next 90 days the property division or lack thereof might come into question.

I need a new name for future ex. Possibly “gormless twollop.” Or “bad ex” vs. “relatively decent ex.”

ETA: oddly, there were no cats evident in the courthouse.

T put one in his waiting room.. I say next to it the other day, while my son was in his session. I loved it!! Which surprised me, I thought it was more gimmicky more than anything.

Snowed for the first time this season today.. it didn't stick, but a reminder of the terribleness to come!

Today is a month since I last saw T1, and a year since I first saw him.

I really feel like I need to email him. So that he knows I still exist and I'm still hurting because of him. I suppose I probably shouldn't.

I think I probably will...

Congrats! (Is that the right thing to say?) Glad the gormless twollop wasn't there.

I went with early and late mr luna's. Really should have been former and latter mr luna's, but my usual audience was not that literate

I emailed him. I clicked send about a minute ago and I regret it already.

Hugs... What did you email? It's ok luc...

I don't even want to go back and look at what I wrote.

I'm scared it will seem creepy and stalkery and he'll reply all formally telling me to leave him alone. I don't think I could take it.

Maybe he just won't reply at all, I could probably accept that. We can pretend it never happened.

Ah, f**k.

(((Luc))) you are still processing a lot.... Be kind and gentle with yourself. I wish I knew some magic way to make it all better....

I swear by mine. It got me through a lot of cold, dark winters when I lived in a notoriously cloudy and snowy place. I still use it but need it less now. It has a similar effect to antidepressants for me, but obviously requires more of a time commitment.

Yesterday was bad. I slept for 17 hours. I've been so lonely.. And the voices came back yesterday bc I was running out of inches and taking half my dose to make it last til Wednesday when I see the dr.

I went to Ts to collage some. I laid on the couch. t came out and said oh hi!!

The voices told me he was mad and didn't want me there. So I left

I emailed t and said sorry I didn't mean to make you mad. I told him abt my invega problem

He e-mailed back and suggested I go to the ER to get more invega. He said he wasn't mad and didn't want me to leave. And he reminded me that the voices lie

I went to the ER and they gave me some while I was there and wrote a script for 10 more

I'm feeling better today

Invega not inches

Hooray!!!!

(((DNA))) I'm sorry you're so lonely.

(((Luc)))

Congratulations on your divorce, ATAT.

Hugs to anyone else who wants/needs one.

Have taken care of a small dental issue that prevented my pacemaker/defib surgery. Wow, who knew my dentist’s office was BUSY at 7:30am? That place was jumpin’.

I’ve contacted my heart surgeon so now im waiting for the surgery scheduler to call.

Hm. Will we get the surgery done before Thanksgiving? We are going to have Thanksgiving at DD’s and grandson. I’ve decided not to try wrestling my 12 pound turkey for Thanksgiving. Instead, I’m going to scrumptiously season and roast a chicken. I’ll use the drippings to make a pot of even scrumptious-er noodles. (My grandson’s, well, everyone’s, favorite.) DD also wants me to make a side of scalloped corn. Delish.

Not sure what else we’ll have. I want to cook the entire menu..with stuffing, sweet potatoes, etc. But we’ll see.