[Tbhimscared]

So with ex T and current T I've always had trouble being direct with what I'm saying even though I want to and I know I should be honest. They haven't been big lies that I've made up or anything, mostly just lies of omission or denying something like "no I've never purged", pretending something big didn't happen or completely avoiding topics like abuse and suicide. Another thing I tend to do is minimize things and don't explain the severity of them, like when talking about negative self talk I will give easier examples like "wow you're dumb" instead of something more dark and depressing. I want to finally be honest with current T but I don't know how to bring it up and follow through with what I'm going to say. Have any of you done this and have advice on how to bring it up and come clean?

[DP_2017]

not sure if this is good but it has worked for me because i was like this in the minimize sense....

i began doing notes... every single session. he asks for them now... but i will write things down between sessions that i want to discuss and the day of my session ill re-read and cross off things if need be, then go there and discuss it

there is also this which I've done a few times, instead of notes, letter or email with what you want to say

the thing is you can have them read it, or you can. for me, its easier for these types of things if they do because i will tend to skip over things etc if i do. good luck

[fille_folle]

I have this problem, too, and it's especially bad since I'm seeing a new T. One thing that has helped me move forward somewhat is writing things down and giving them to my T. I have disclosed several major things this way. They were things she needed to know, but that I am currently unable to bring myself to bring up. I usually write something, pretending that it's just for me, not for her. Then I take it with me and accidentally-on-purpose give it to T. A bit of self-deception can be helpful in this regard.

[ElectricManatee]

I would probably start by bringing up what you said here, that you want to be more open about things but you have trouble doing it. Maybe give an example or two if you can. Sometimes it's easier to share what you were thinking or what you wanted to say after the moment has passed. I've generally found it very helpful to recruit my T in helping me when I want to change things like that.

[MRT6211]

I also write to my therapist and that has helped me be open with her. It’s hard to say things out loud sometimes. I find it easier to be fully honest in writing for some reason.

[annielovesbacon]

I relate a lot to this, it takes me a very long time to feel comfortable enough to be truly open and honest about everything. I try never to lie directly (I have though) but I often lie by omission. But I will say this, the more I open up and stop avoiding topics, the better I feel. It's uncomfortable to talk about it and I hate it while I'm doing it, but I know that I can't ever begin to feel better if I am avoiding some of my issues.

It helps me to tell my T "there's something I want to say, I'm just not sure how to say it." I had been witholding my eating disorder from her for MONTHS, the whole time I had been seeing her... I was leaving out this very large part of my mental health. I got to the point where I was embarrassed and I felt like it was too late to tell her. But I was very very ill and I needed to ask for help. So I told her I needed to tell her something but I wasn't sure how. She gave me a minute to think about it, and I just took a deep breath and jumped right in. It was very scary and uncomfortable but I am really really glad I told her. I'm in a better place because of it.

I know that others find it easier to tell their T something in writing rather than out loud. That's not something that helps me personally, but if you think it would work for you definitely give it a try! And I also do what DP does, between sessions I write down things I want to talk to my T about. Sometimes they're small things, and sometimes they're "big" things that I need to tell her but I need some time to work up the courage.

[Fernwehxx]

I'm a master of nita saying thungs I want to say. Im ashamed, scared, embarrassed, think I might be too needy, not worth anyone's empathy, and the list is longer than that.
I'm perfect at minimizing my pain in from of my T, but she has caught on fast and stops me.

I decuded a while back that I want to be honest, as honest as I'd never been, with her. My only way to so so was to write it down. I struggled to give it to her, i was scared, worried, embarrassed. ... Nur ut went really well. After that, we had one if the best sessions ever (not fun, but very helpful)... I tikd her to keep what I wrote and go back to it when im back to not talking necause I kisted the severe issuea on the paper. When she asks me, its easier for me to give her an honest answer than just talking. And I want nothing mire to be honest. If not with her, it wont work with anyone.

If you can't say it, maybe you can get started writing it down. Its liberating and comforting to be honest with a good T. I hope you can exoerience that soon.

I relate to this too. I used to lie by omission often enough, it'd be right on the tip of my tongue something I wanted to say then I'd leave out a few key words when I did say it. Or with the dark thoughts I used to have, I told her the things I would think in detail at myself, and told her once how

Possible trigger:

I would hit myself on the head but I never told her just how hard I would pound on it with my fists, so hard I'd see stars, it's a wonder I never caused myself brain damage. Thankfully that was a long time ago.

Writing things down and handing her the paper was helpful for me back when it was so hard to get things out. And yes I agree with Fernwehxx that it's liberating to be able to sit there and just say ANYthing to t. the first time I just blurted stuff out, looking right at her, yes I felt like I was sitting there naked but wow - it was freeing too to be able to just say something right out loud that had never been spoken before and not feel any judgement. amazing.

I lied to my Ts about relapses with my addiction (more than once) and another, more practical, very important thing that I procrastinated dealing with for years. Eventually I came clear about both (to the relevant person) because I felt too ashamed and disturbed to hold it in anymore. It was disturbing especially because I felt like wtf am I investing that money and time for if I just go there, chat, and pretend progress? Admitting them was actually much easier for me than maintaining the lies - it took only a minute and then a huge relief vs living with the lies for weeks/months. Some I wrote down in an email and other times I just decided to tell the truth upfront in my next session, and then I did. None of them were a big deal then, the Ts thanked me for sharing and left it for me to decide how much more I wanted to talk about them.

There are many things I did not share with Ts about myself, but I don't consider those lies because they were not stuff I wanted to address in therapy. But the two things above (addiction and procrastination) were on top of the list I went to therapy for in the first place, so those were highly relevant. It was definitely worth breaking the lies just for the relief it brought.

It was also interesting to ponder why I lied at all. It wasn't out of fear of judgment for me, not even shame very much - I knew the Ts would not judge or shame me more than I already did myself. It was because I wanted to create an image that I am competent, can progress and resolve things more easily than I did in reality. And that was a meaningful conclusion, because it is quite characteristic of me in life in general. Not necessarily lying a lot, but having a strong drive to be, or at least appear, competent, independent and a good problem solver with minimal help. It strengthened my motivation to go against the usual inner conflict and reach out for help when I am stuck more often.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Whenever I have deliberately lied, it seemed mostly about me being not able to acknowledge the truth to myself. For a long time, I could not say who my perpetrator of CSA was, at times I deliberately stated it was someone else. At some point I told her I lied and she was accepting of it. She said it was only important that I tell myself the truth and if I needed to lie to her so be it. One of the purposes of a therapist-- someone you can lie to when necessary.

[Elio]

I have used the emailing (only once), writing down and having her read it, writing down and me read it (yes easy to skip over things when you do that), telling her that I nervous about telling her what I want to say and talking about that for a little bit, bringing in a song/book/item that would allow me to start the conversation.

The email did not work well for me because of not knowing how she took the information. It led to a meltdown. I still email her stuff that I am upset about, I won't email her something that is a secret because I need to be able to see her response or interact with her in some way to know that we are still ok. That the information didn't in some way change how she views me.