Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

Yes. And invites us to consult our lawyers over her policies if we have any doubts about their legality.

And yes. Section 215.

You do matter Art and I'm not just saying that.You help make the couch what it is.

I just saw pics of the snow around the US but New York looks spectacular. Whenever i have seen city scapes it looks pretty grimy but with all the snow....

I am sorry Healed .I did read your original post but I didn't know what to say-
I felt like I was missing chapters from your story to add anything useful.

We are waiting for a severe thunderstorm here, hopefully it starts before i go to sleep o the dog will wake up with each thunderclap

I just put canestan on some ringworm and it is even more itchy than before. Damn cats they got washed in betadine today

I did talk about the theme of it with him and some specific portions of what I wrote. It wasn't even that long. Idk. It did feel invalidating and dismissive. Like he just kept staring at the photos and not reading it. However from what I know from working with T for the past 7 yeArs is that he wouldn't intentionally make me feel dismissed. Like I said I suspect he didn't want to get emotional about it which I have seen happen before with him. But that leaves me to wonder if he has lost some objectivity and cannot help me properly heal these traumas from CSA. Because if it affects him that much I'm not going to get anywhere with it. And now I'm wondering about censoring what I do actually talk about to spare him his emotional reaction. I guess I will bring this up with him next week to check in on where he is at mentally with all this. I'm finally ready to process it all and I don't want this to backfire.

People on drugs can't afford paint and canvases. That stuff ain't cheap!!! And neither are drugs

Something my T suggested we do in the beginning of working together was to trade journals. He bought me two journals so I would write an entry in one, and give it to him to read, and take the other one to write in. And just keep swapping them out

I would too. I'm sorry

My t said his wife would contact me. But I had to pressure him to give me some sort of an idea what would happen if he died

We've also had trouble with this issue. He said I'd know he died "but that's all I'd know" which felt like a massive fu. I told him so and he was actually really understanding and said "you know, you're right. It's not fair. I will think about my policy". I don't want to ask him again in case he hasn't changed his policy.

Thinking about making this its own thread... what would you want his policy to be?

I talked to my T in depth about what I want her policy to be even it if it might be too intrusive and really not my place. For me it wasn't just death, I also included significant injury or illness that would result in extended leave or termination. The sum of it though was I wanted an in person form of closure. I can get on with life without the closure, I do significantly better with closure, not only from person but from space too. So....

• In the case of extended leave, I'd like have set interactions with someone that could keep me posted as to progress and condition, and as soon as possible, have an interaction with her or receive communication from her directly. I might request something from her, like maybe one of the objects I've left with her in her office to be picked up so I would have it at home.
  
• In the case of terminating event, I would like to be able to say goodbye to her office in person and decide what of the things I've left with her, I would continue to leave with her and which I would bring home. I would like to see her one more time in person. I would like to stay in contact with her at some level even if it was just an illusion on my part - ie, I send letters and believe they are read to her type of deal. This could be through another T or through the family. I would also like to receive a letter from her regarding her thoughts about me and our work together (yes, some kind of I'm sorry this is happening, I enjoyed our time together, I care about you).
  
• In the case of her death, I again would like to be able to say goodbye to the space. I would like to say goodbye to her in person and if she was laid to rest in a public space, I'd like to know where that was - because yes, I would visit it for a while. Here too, I would like to receive a letter from her regarding her thoughts about me and our work together. I think I would like to see a T that knew her on some level as a transition and to help through the grief.

And... the outcome of this discussion.... I have no clue because she hasn't told me . Do I think it is too much of a client? Yep, I surely do. Do I feel bad for having these wants, not most days. Right now, not at all, we have recently reconnected through the transference again and a large portion of me feels like I need this level of an ending; after all, a large part of me sees her, feels her as mommy and to lose one's ideal mommy, well that is just hard.

I am not jealous of her friends and family, her private time, or other clients. It is in the endings that I need to feel like I am taken cared of, that she has made plans for me, specifically me, that even in these situations she has thought of and is willing to give the most she can (yes, this means within what she has determined to be her boundaries) to ensure that she does no harm. (something more here - isn't there always)

OMG--yes! That is a big part of it, followed by her attempts to reframe an email a longtime friend sent me (someone I haven't seen in years) who'd said--in response to my saying I was too embarrassed to see her--that there were no worries if we never see each other again. My therapist totally took my friend's side and tried to read interpretations into what had been emailed that were just not there. And it was all building off the embarrassment of the guy in the window, who she was also trying to reframe in a positive, but bogus, way. It was just awful. I feel pretty great right now, though, not having to deal with going back.

Thanks for the update on BLONDIE vs the SNOW. I'm telling you, those hearty snow people can be totally irritating with their weather competence.

Elio, I think that might be an interesting (though slightly stressful) thread idea. I can share what I know of my T's plan, and I will think about what I would want to happen in an ideal world.

I asked my therapist to address the death or incapacitation issue a few years ago when the prescriber I was seeing suddenly died and I was getting these super alarming letters from their office notifying me of their death and the need to get a new prescriber asap. I was not that attached to the one who died, and in fact did not like her very much, but the way her death was handled was extremely upsetting.

At that time, my therapist said she had no plans in place, but had talked to her colleagues and they all thought it was a good idea. Honestly, do we have to do everything? I would think this is something every MH professsional should figure out, same as billing practices.

Anyway, I have no idea if she ever did put things into place.

Hm, now I'm wondering about my T's plan if he passed away...MC and ex-T are in a practice with a receptionist, so I imagine she would have informed us. But current T doesn't have a receptionist...there are other T's in the same office space, but they're not together as a practice. Hm...But he seems pretty organized, so I'd imagine he has something in place.

I called letters I would get from my prescriber's office after they died "Dead Donna letters" (not her real name) and would tell my therapist--got another effing Dead Donna letter! She finally said, after the third one, that she thought the office might be trying to avoid a lawsuit. Something about continuity of care. Interesting that no one else I'd seen--prescriber or therapist--ever concerned themselves with continuity or care when they terminated or moved. But let me tell you everyone, no matter your feelings about a person, it's alarming to keep getting letters about their death and the need for you to ACT. (The letters actually had all caps at the top to this affect.)

About the the Piaf Papers: I am surrounded by lawyers and they of course think everyone should hire a lawyer. Even my therapist thinks everyone should have a lawyer. It's not a bad idea, but just not practical (read: affordable).

Thought I'd have trouble sleeping last night after the whole MC thing. But nope--got over 8 hours. Woke up briefly once or twice (I always do), but then went right back to sleep. Hm...And I feel mostly OK this morning. Which...is surprising.

Supposed to see T this afternoon, but they closed schools due to snow (it's only like an inch, but it's super cold so salting roads won't work). I texted him to make sure appointment is still on and waiting to hear back (we've never discussed inclement weather policy). I think he lives pretty close to his work, but don't know if he'd need to be off because his son is (or if his wife would watch him).

ETA: Just got confirmation from T: "I'll be there!"

Also, for anyone needing a laugh today:

Pets High on Painkillers

Yay, the fancy link thing worked--thanks, Art!

Hi, new couch. Too panicky to catch up right now. I have a biopsy scheduled in 45 minutes. It hurt very badly the last time I had this procedure done.

Also in the same boat as LT. Couple inches of snow, but should be able to get to the doctor no problem. May reward myself with Chipotle when I'm done.

Hope it goes well Daisy!



Definitely go for the Chipotle!!

Also hope it goes well and isn't too painful, Daisy. Hugs...

I am not 100% sure what I want but "that's all you'd know" felt like a kick in the teeth. An ex of mine died in the last year and I feel completely disenfranchised because I don't know his resting place, what he died from, and I am not able to contact anybody who does know. So I will never know. That hurts.
T telling me essentially the same would be true for him really hurt. I had a dream leading up to this discussion where he died and I went to his house (he has a home office) to sit outside and cry but I had to hide from his wife so she didn't see me grieving. The conclusion of this for me is that grief is a part of love, so if I am not allowed to grieve, how can he say I am allowed to love?
It was a useful discussion and he heard me. Honestly I would probably like to go to his funeral or at least know his resting place.