Couch 160: The Squeaky Clean Couch!

I emailed late last night at 10 saying I would turn up.

"I am sorry. I can see this is difficult for you and I am quite hard on you because I believe you can do this.It's okay to be confused and to not get anything"

So that's my rupture over.

She felt that we needed some change and after over a decade I did need to work a bit more on making progress on my own.

Omg, I loathe my ob/gyn's office.

I had surgery 3 weeks ago. I couldn't have my two-week followup appt because that was the week of Christmas and my (truly horrible) dr. had the week off.
Ok, I dealt with that.

It snowed an inch last night and now the office is closed all day today...what the ever-loving FORK...so I have to miss my appt.
But I still got the text reminder a minute ago.
Get your **** together people.

I don’t mean to be an arse but you’d give up on a therapist (who I’ll admit I seriously crush out on, sight unseen — pure love and all that) who is unfortunately, currently (for reasons unknown) addled enough (maybe it’s the snow or the mere prospect of snow?) to try textbook-y therapist-y stuff like reframing and all that crap?

If I were you, I’d go back (as I have done with Blondie) and describe (as Blondie put it yesterday, scathingly) what I think of such therapist-y tactics. But, perhaps, not actually quit?

Don’t mind me though — last night, Blondie vehemently denied that she’d meant “pathetic” in relation to my response but had instead meant it for the moron’s (who’d pissed me off) behavior. And, that she could totally see why I was reacting the way I was reacting.

I kinda realized then that I tend to listen for what I’m used to listening to and not what was actually said / meant?

I’m kind of hoping Piaf cancels.

I’m so not interested in adding my scalp to another therapist’s trophy case.

Wow, a doctor's office is closed for an inch of snow? I kinda get schools closing, because there are liability issues/safety concerns, but a doctor's offfice?

Did he write that back to you? If so, it does my heart good to see him come through big for you.

Ive had that happen. Its only with current t that ive had the wherewithall to say WTF?! what did you just say? And now i wonder if THE WORK is IN finally being able to recognize and defend that encroachment on our boundaries.

Cuz - is our t really the person who wants to play "im superior to you" with us? No, they are just our intramural competitor. They are just practice.

(((LEMON))) And double to you for sticking with the hard work.

I have a strong urge to go to session today and tell him I can't do this anymore. Therapy is too hard. I don't know if that would be the best thing for me though.

Definitely rewarding myself with Chipotle. Oww oww oww.

Daisy, sorry it hurt! Esme

(((Daisy)))

It's because they suck.

Someone called to reschedule and said, "She can see you on the 18th."

UM, NO.

I mean, wtf. My horrible dr. is supposed to be calling me back. That should be a fun conversation.

I'm working so slow today, yeesh. Yesterday I researched and responded to 64 emails; I'm currently only at 24 with half the day left. I need to pick up the pace, but my fingers don't wanna type...

It was in person and I also did give him a hard time, but by the end after a whole lot more tears he also said he finally understood why I found it so hard to believe that he could care about me.That I was reenacting a template in reverse that I had learnt from my family.

I used the points you mentioned in your first post Esme and what some of the others said as well. In the email I sent him I said I was "staying the course" and to ignore what I said on tuesday that I would turn up. I only sent that after reading your PM which I promise I will get back to after my exam.

You're stronger than you think you are NP . I would advocate getting all the support you need right now.

"I'll always be here for you."
"Unless you have to be somewhere else."

I prematurely bailed after ten years.

When I asked, Madame T said I would be told and I would be welcome at the funeral.

It's just not sitting well with me. She emailed today to explain why she was saying some of the things she said, which helped shed light on how she sees therapy happening, but I am just not okay with it. I have an appointment that I already paid for next Tuesday and I told her I am considering a break--possibly permanent--after that. But I may just as well not go to that and email my intentions instead. It's a long drive and it's likely she would nod and say okay, and then I would leave in silence and kick myself for doing that in person.

Anyway, a break is not a bad idea, I don't think. I just can't stand the re-framing crap. Or mirroring. I told her a while back that it's not helpful to me. For some reason, it morphed into her repeating my words, which feels mocking and empty. I read up on that technique and found that therapists believe it's supposed to create more of a bond, or trust, or something positive for the person. I don't get it. For me, it's very distancing. I hear myself all day long. I don't need to have someone parrot back my thoughts. She used to be more original and interactive. I don't know what happened. Maybe she is giving up.

I am such a doofus my cute hipster dental student just called me to schedule an appointment - its always at my birthday and half birthday - so then instead of saying "happy new year" to him as we hung up, i said "happy birthday"! Gosh, what am i, five?!

I'm feeling really hurt, couchies. My brother just sent a rather hurtful email and I'm sitting here at work with a huge lump in my throat trying not to cry. I'd sent him a Christmas card and a note in it about h and I coming to visit him in Germany as we'd talked about previously, and his email was all "I got your card. If you come..." And he laid down all these rules including that he wouldn't help pay for it. I was like damn, I never asked you to. Why didn't he just say "it's not a good time" and leave it at that? I told him no problem, I'm sorry for whatever I did, we'll just plan something on our own, and nevermind.

I hate my family.

That sounds like something my mother used to say when I was growing up and we kept getting into one bad situation after another, traversing countries. She would say, "We'll be where we are meant to be. Unless we're somewhere else."

eta: She also used to say, "You've only got yourself. No one else is going to be there for you." It was actually her pep talk. She did not have any idea that it was a dire concept to instill in a child.

He's a blockhead! Those are his issues, not yours. And it's his loss.

Or as my therapist might say, "It sounds like you're upset."