Dear T.....I Really Need To Tell You Something (But Don't Know How) Part XXIX

Thank u

My bp always averages 120/80
But I take seroquel and also Prazosin which lowers it

Dear T,

I'm a mess. My anxiety so high. The meds aren't really helping much. I'm so depressed. I didn't went to my exams. I just couldn't. I don't know what to do. Nothing helps. You aren't at work today and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. So you won't read your mail, if I would send one. I've to wait until I see you on Thursday. I don't know what to do. I feel so miserable and hopeless. I've no one. No one can help me. I don't know what to do.

I know I'm supposed to come in and do the work today with you. But I don't want to do the work. The work hurts and is awkward and weird feeling. Can't we do the work some other time?

Just one more week, right? It's getting much harder to keep the mask in position. I am more tired than I have ever been....

T,
I feel like it has been eons since I last saw you although I only missed a week. I miss talking to you.

I think I've been sick mentally

I need to talk to u. Tomorrow .

Are you mad at me

Dear T,
Thanks for today's session. I think talking about some of that stuff from the past, like with the teacher, dredged some stuff up with me that's just hitting me now. I can't eat--the thought of food makes me sick. I can barely even drink anything. Though I've been struggling with eating since seeing MC on Friday really...probably should have talked about that a bit more plus yesterday's epic panic attack. I'm glad you're OK with seeing me on Thursday, too--and that basically, you're willing to see me whenever as long as you have availability and I pay you... Unless I'm feeling worlds better tomorrow, pretty sure I'll keep the appointment.
See you in a few days,
LT

hi, where are you? I am feeling so little right now. -me

tonight, my daughter had a meltdown because she hit me and I gently held my ground about her needing to say "I'm sorry" before she could move back on to playing. She was overtired, and so done with everything, and while we worked through it, at the end, she clung to me like she has never done before and just sobbed her exhausted little self out in my arms while I held her, rocked her, rubbed her back, and told her I loved her and was there. I've no idea if I messed up or not with her tonight in holding my ground about "I'm sorry." She's not even 2, and while there was no yelling at all, just a lot of patience and coaching, I just don't know if I did the right thing.

But, also... this was right after such an intense session with you...
and all I could think was how I wished I was a little child and was clinging to you and sobbing myself to exhaustion...and then you could comfort me and soothe me like I did my daughter, read me stories, tuck me in, and tell me over and over that everything is ok, you're still here, and you still 'love' me...

hiiii t.

I

miss

you.

oh t. what is wrong with me? you see right, how hopeless i am?

Thank you for emailing me about the info you found for me. Very nice, shocked you remembered

I will see you tomorrow. yay

I'm not doing well. And I know I don't deserve you.

Do you think of me? Do you wonder how I'm doing? Will you even remember me when I come back?

I saw u driving to the office heh heh heh

You sent "Yep!" . The exclamation point means youre not mad. Thank u

I see you tomorrow, yay! You are the only sensible person in a sea of morons.

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't do this.
My brain is making downed live wire sounds.
I can't
I thought to scream for help, but from who?
I can't

Hieeeeeeee

Dear MC,
Please don't be an *** on the phone tonight. Don't make me regret this...I don't want to feel even worse. I'm probably an idiot for taking this risk... And as much as I was hoping you'd be OK just chatting with me, maybe for the better that H will be there, too...
LT

You've been very stressed lately, so it could be anxiety - even if you don't feel like there was anything you were particularly anxious about at the time.

It hits me at strange times, too. The mind is a powerful thing.

You should get the doctor to look into it though, just in case

Dear T,

Fighting back tears today because I miss talking to you... a feeling that sent up about a billion red flags. The urge to pull away is strong today and I cannot guarantee that I can fight that particular urge for the next 10 days. You may have some hostility to deal with when we meet again. I hate it when you are gone.

I'm sorry I creeped u out =[

I'm sorry for me