Dear T.....I Really Need To Tell You Something (But Don't Know How) Part XXIX

If you have ED history I would recommend talking to a GP to work out a weight loss plan if you need to lose weight. Doing it in that structured way could help prevent it turning into a relapse.

It's so hard to diet with an ED...for me at least . I tried a low amino acid diet [l-tryptophan and l-phenalylaline], gluten free as well as dairy and casein free.... it was an experiment to see if it would reduce my psychotic symptoms . I partnered with my therapist and a nutritionist during it... but I ended up relapsing into my ED behavior. It seems it's very all or nothing sometimes. It's hard to find the healthy balance for me.

Summer, I hope you can partner with someone you trust and be honest with them if you see yourself slipping into ED behavior and thinking patterns . It's not worth it to go down that path anymore!!!

T, things are looking up regarding a possible big promotion at work which will make it so I can finally get off of disability, as well as finding a good fit for a roommate.

Now if I can sort these stupid meds out.

Me

Thank you RS and jdna. I do have ED history, I’ve been stable for one year now which is my longest ever. It’s true that it’s nearly impossible to diet without relapsing. I haven’t ever been able to. I don’t even know if I actually need to lose weight or if that’s just my ED talking. Thank you for reminding me it’s not worth it to return to that h*ll!!

Dear R,

6 days till exam number 2 and I'm scared. The anxiety is creeping back in and the line "Some people have real problems" plays in my head. My brother is also unwell and I'm worried about him too. I tried to be like you but it was so hard to be calm when he's telling me things like "he didn't know why he was even alive anymore". There's so much sadness in him as well and there's nothing I can do to help him.

I just want you, but I won't email.

Yet the structure can also be a trigger. I personally have to trick myself into thinking I'm not even dieting in order to not start restricting...

So true! When I aim to get into regular exercise and eating healthy, the key to preventing relapse for me is to never get into much of a routine. So switching up the type of exercise and duration every day so I don’t get into competition mode with myself.

I'm rly sorry I jus don't know what to do about it . I'm taking prns

hey dna--do you think if you did some sort of inpatient thing, that it would help stabilize you? i am so sad to see you struggle so much.

Are you there? What are you doing?

Thank you for being so present today and sharing your own difficult history I will do your homework. Every time I read a news story or otherwise have my past creep up on me I’ll tell myself that that was then this is now and right now in the moment I am safe. I hope it works for me like you say it worked for you. The advocacy stuff feels more empowering to be honest but I will try your techniques. When we check in by email I feel better. It feels like the opposite of neglect.

I know you're still there.
I wish I could just run to you, hug your legs (because in my imagination, I'm little, of course), say hi, then run off again, because I'm really ok... but I just want you anyways.

Thanks for emailing, was a nice surprise and the comment made my day, so funny!

Oh wow
Thank you
I'm embarrassed, but I think you'll forget it after two weeks

I spent the last week doing things I don't normally do and it was nice. A vacation from the norm. It really helped and I hope my positivity and assertiveness last. Now it's back to real life. . .

I miss your stupid face. 12 more days to go. Ugh.

I really hate inpatient but idk. My meds are all messed up. T gave me the name of a 24 hour living room type behavioral health urgent care place

I'm sorry for the things I thought while you were away. It was good to hear from you today, and I look forward to seeing you soon. I'm still feeling extremely wobbly, but my sense of safety is returning.

Hey...i rly wanna come there to get out of my house and my head and work on my calendar . But no one was there.are you okay. Are you dead.

Do you have game night tonight?

Do things really get better?

I'm just so tired.

I wonder very much about whether I can keep up this every other week schedule. Travel would naturally be taking me away almost that often but I miss the support and being able to focus on what is going on with me outside of the intensity of life and work towards my ongoing goals. I want to come every week but I may not be able to bring myself to admit it.

I think he's having one but idk if I will stay t is alive and I am here working on my stuff .

You have one of the best T's I've seen, I don't any others that would allow clients to come to the office when they need to, thats nice.

I met t in a progressive healing community 7 years ago he is very community oriented