No infant attachment?

I agree!!

I really connect with his writing and theories. He speaks in English to me about what I feel that I don't have words for.

I just got interrupted.

I'll complete this in a bit.

I can relate to that article too.

Love the way Mouse framed the fragmentation, as something similar happened to me too. I was not an orphan, but my mother just couldn't cope with another baby by the time she had me (all of us unplanned and unwanted). She has told me in later years that I "had no needs" as a baby. I don't think that is true-I think I gave up trying to cry out as I was passive as a child, not aggressive (it's best to have balance).

My T said I wouldn't have intelligence if none of my needs were met; failure to thrive. I did attach to my older sister. To this day, I still feel no attachment to my Mother. I talk with her and visit her. I've forgiven her. She is in poor health, so she won't be around much longer. I also don't want to deal with the guilt when she does pass, that I continued to ignore her and cut her out of my life. This is a better way for me. I think she had too much pain than she could deal with, never had a father, Catholic abuse, DV, etc. I would rather love than hate.

So I fragmented too. That's how I think of DID. Went to therapy for the first time years ago, and many of the parts came into my awareness at once and had sort of a breakdown, which should have never happened. What the psychiatrist did was dangerous. Anyway, that's what led to years of therapy afterwards. The last one, unfortunately, made things worse. All the feelings of being unloved are in my present now, rather than the past. My T was too harsh. I see no utility in this and am afraid it will never get better.

It's too late for me, but I hope you find your way TrailRunner.

It’s never too late Rayne. That’s what I hold on to.

Your relationship with your mom Now sounds a lot like mine.

I hold no unforgiveness and I also don’t want the guilt of not staying in contact with her. My relationship has changed and I’ve found the courage to see some boundaries and struggle to feel no guilt about them.

I’ve been working through sorting all this out and have experienced healing in many areas of my life.

This one seems to be the most truth telling and the most difficult.

Don’t give up! I can’t until I find the answers and peace to settle this.

Yah. Is next to late. In life my adoptive mother died whilst we were astranged. They hurt. But I've worked on the relationship with myself enough now to withstand it.
Life starts with the relationship with ourselves. That's never to late to have.

I can definitely relate to this. I was diagnosed (finally?) with DDNOS, OSDD in the current DSM probably, 8 years ago.

I went to therapy after my late husband died, to try to get some "help", in moving forward with life on my own. Dealing with "issues" without a whole, authentic, integrated sense of self is, well, . . .to me it has been near impossibly difficult. I guess that integrating those parts is what's it's all about, but the therapists I saw, even the last one, a trauma and dissociation specialist, seemed not to have much of a clue. As, of course, I didn't either, which is why I was consulting them!

Currently, I'm now feeling how sad that I wasn't loved, too. I didn't even really "know" it previously. It is a devastating feeling, no wonder I (or my nervous system) numbed it out, turned it off, whatever. But sad is better than. . .some other things, I guess? Progress along a way? Processing something?

It feels too late for me, too. I've been hurt by too many therapists to try again. But maybe there's something else out there, I don't know.

Wow!

Not many other words for it. Just: Wow!

You are very right. It's never too late.

I'm so sorry that you felt that hurt, and I an so happy for you that your found strength in working through it and finding that "relationship with yourself".

My counselor and I talked about something similar tonight and I believe that I will be thinking and journaling on it this upcoming week.

Autonomy.

I've never heard the word until I was reading the article I posted on this thread.

Of course, I had to look it up and get the meaning of it in words.

It feels very empowering.

Maybe similar to "a relationship with yourself"?

This came to my mind as I reread your post.

I've been working with my counselor for about 6 years, I think, and reading Bessel Van Der Kolk's book "The Body Keeps The Score" opened my mind up to other avenues of healing and working through things that were so intimidating and scary for me.

His methods and insights have been so amazing for helping me.

I just wanted to share that with you.

Thanks, I'll look into that.

I saw this and thought of this thread:

India's switched-at-birth babies who refused to swap back - BBC News

Clearly, it seems to me, the families have accepted the children who came into their midst. And the children seem to have attached.

The families care, and . . .maybe the journalists will follow these children and families everywhere can learn something? I personally believe that humans need not just parents, but extended families, and the way we live these days, it has messed things up.

"It's never too late"

Its great to be optimistic, but I am not minimizing how damaging it was to be in this kind of therapy with the way my T practiced, and the harm he caused to me. He crossed the line into abusive. It has affected me more than i would have ever imagined, and now after spending thousands on harmful therapy, I have no money to find another T. I feel robbed of the shred of self worth I had, any sense of well being, my positive traits. All overpowered by his negativity and putting me down repeatedly, mocking me, etc.

I was with him for 5 years. I thought i was "attached " and "working through the transference". In reality, the therapy recreated the dynamics of my abusive childhood, and my T blamed me for everything. I couldn't get out of it for a lomg time

Mouse, your T sounds super. Not all of us have/had that. T trauma on top of childhood trauma is extremely damaging and harmful. And lasting like childhood trauma.

I don't disagree with you. I guess I'm a kinda "pick myself up and dust myself down" type of personality. Just keep going.
Is possible to find a good T. Scary I know you trust. I've been abused by do many males in my early life. But I managed to find a good husband.
I'm pretty forceful in my thinking. I know. But I can't just say "give up " because life is what we make it. We continue inventing until death. There is never a to late. Unless we choose, that.

I was like that for many years, i had overvome much adversity and was very resilient. That's the thing, this last therapy sucked everything out of me.

Really? Switch places with me in terms of therapy. Im not "choosing" to have daily sui thoughts.

A good T who will work for free? I just said i have no more money to spend on therapy.

Easy to say all that when you are on the other side of things. Always is.

Not going to take up anymore space on this thread.

I have daily sui thoughts. They doesn't stop me trying to go forward. There other moments that aren't all negative. Or I guess I would be be here.
I refuse to be a victim.

I so get this, Rayne. PC has helped me somewhat to vent, and "recover"? I'm better than I was 18 months ago. Not near OK, though. I'm also trying in-person support groups.

There needs to be an advocacy group for this, too, I think. Problem is, at least for me, I've gotten so beat down by T trauma that I can't function very well! Maybe in a few years I'll be able to do something -- but I'm 70!!!!

Really, really sucks.

Feel free to PM me, if you would like.

Thank you for posting this article.

To me, it's amazing to see how important safe attachment is and how profound it is.

I'm so happy that they decided to leave the boys with the people they are attached with and feel safe with. It says a lot to me about them, that they chose to do that. I respect them for becoming friends and their opinion about the religious differences of the two families.

I really enjoyed reading it and the smile it gave my heart!