[*Laurie*]

I am so lucky. My insurance hooked me up with a wonderful therapist and I don't have to pay anything to see her. She's empathetic, very kind and open, warm, and pretty wise.

She seems to like me a lot.

I think I can use therapy; I suppose it will be of benefit to me.

Here's the problem. I don't want to go. I'd rather stay at home with my cats and do art work, chores, or read. My therapist likes me so much, I feel she kind of idealizes me. Frankly, it's kind of annoying.

I was in long-term (6 years) therapy when I was younger and it was of great benefit. Now I'm 55 and I'm just not sure that there's anything therapy can truly do for me, except take a couple of hours out of my week, every week.

Any ideas?

If therapy is merely something to take a couple hours out of your week, I would say it's not worth your time. That couple of hours could be spent doing productive things at home, such as exercise, meditation, reading self-help books, journaling, art projects, etc.

I would be annoyed at a therapist that idealized me too, and I think that could get in the way of productive work happening in session! Whatever you decide, I hope you find it to be helpful for you.

[maybeblue]

Most people go to therapy because they have some goals, something they want to change about themselves. Maybe they are depressed a lot or anxious about something. Or possibly they have a relationship that isn't working well and need help figuring that out.

In any case if you don't have anything you want to change, I wouldn't go...unless you are court ordered or something and have to.

[ElectricManatee]

What do you want to use therapy for? Why did you decide to sign up in the first place? Those might be things I would bring up to my therapist. I also think it's fine to say that you feel like she idealizes you and you don't like that. Ultimately you might decide therapy isn't a good use of your time, or you might find out that it can help you, and I think figuring that out is a fine use of therapy.

[AllHeart]

"I think I can use therapy; I suppose it will be of benefit to me."

-and-

I was in long-term (6 years) therapy when I was younger and it was of great benefit. Now I'm 55 and I'm just not sure that there's anything therapy can truly do for me, except take a couple of hours out of my week, every week.

What brought you to therapy to begin with? Maybe first decide if you do or do not want therapy. If you do, perhaps consider finding another therapist?

[*Laurie*]

Great input! Thanks to each of you

I "signed up" for therapy because I have had many losses (people and pets) over the past decade. The most recent was my 18 year old cat (December); before that was my sister (end of 2016). Before that...the losses are piled one on top of another and I wanted to learn to deal better with sickness and death.

But right off the therapist was like, "You have had so much go on in your life...it seems like you are very courageous to go through these things...you seem like a gentle spirit..." and so on. And on. It seemed like she was almost in awe of me. And I was sitting in her office thinking, "Well, what am I supposed to do except go through these things? I don't have a choice. They happen. I do that which is necessary."

Then I started wondering if therapy can really do anything for me that I'm not already doing for myself.

I am not court ordered to go to therapy BUT it kind of feels like I am, because my pdoc works in the same office as my therapist. Pdoc insists I go to therapy. I fear that if I resist her and don't go to therapy, pdoc might pull back from prescribing meds that I believe are necessary for my stabilization. I feel trapped by that.

Have you previously experienced medical staff withholding medication as a punishment for you not attending therapy? It seems unlikely to me that this would happen, but doctors are an unlikely breed so who knows.

In terms of the therapy itself, I don't see a dilemma really. You don't want to go so don't go.

[just2b]

think the T was just doing reflective listening...and could be that you are interpreting it as being in awe...just a thought.

[stopdog]

I would not interpret what you describe as awe by the therapist. That sort of thing, to me, is a therapist trying to bolster you up, manipulate you into realizing you have some power/good things/ etc.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would not interpret what you describe as awe by the therapist. That sort of thing, to me, is a therapist trying to bolster you up, manipulate you into realizing you have some power/good things/ etc.

I agree with SD here. I think that many Ts use this kind of bolstering to establish your strengths and reflect them back to you so that you can see what kind of ground you're building on.

Being immobilized is a great reason to go to therapy, if that is in fact your problem. If you're completely content, then therapy seems gratuitous navel-gazing at worst, a waste of time at best. However, why are you on the meds? Do you want to remain on them indefinitely? Sometimes they can mask the very anxiety that can be a spur to change if it was not masked by meds. This may be an unpopular view and I think that medication can be life-saving and necessary but I think that *sometimes* working things out via an ongoing conversation can be equally transformative.

Is there any chance that you are using the notion of the therapist being wowed by your strength (I'm so strong; I simply soldier on) as a reason that you have filled in, which serves to keep you from fully entering this process?

It seems like you're kind of saying...I need to fish or cut bait. Either is good, but languishing between the two can be kind of a purgatory.

[maybeblue]

Some clinics will require that you see a therapist if you see a psychiatrist there. There are a couple of possible reasons for that

1) The medication that the client is on is/could be addictive and by that I mean that the client keeps needing more and more to get the same effect. This is particularly true of antianxiety medications. The psychiatrist might want the client to learn coping strategies and relaxation techniques in order to reduce the need for medication.

2) The psychiatrist doesn't believe that the "real" problem is a biological one. He/she thinks that the client needs to deal with "deeper" issues.

3) The center wants to make sure that the client is monitored more closely than a psychiatrist has time to do.

In any case psychotherapy doesn't really work if the client doesn't want it to...or has nothing they need to change. It might be nice to talk to someone friendly every week, but seems like that need could be met by someone other than a therapist. If you really think that you have nothing that you need to work on with a therapist and the psychiatrist requires that if you see him/her you must see a therapist too, then maybe you could see if you could get your meds from a general practitioner.

[*Laurie*]

Again, thank you all for your excellent input.

My intuition is usually on target...I mean, I have learned a lot about how people function in my years on earth. I can't really get away from the sense that the therapist has a kind of extra-big respect for me for doing *whatever* she views as healthy, or even heroic, with regard to dealing with illnesses/deaths in my family. I'm just laying that out as I perceive it.

Anyway, that's kind of a separate issue. What she thinks of me is...whatever...it's her thoughts and she might come to (if she knows me better) realize that I'm just an average human, after all.

As for medication: I am a strong believer in the potential of meds to help us cope with our mental illnesses. Meds have helped me, overall, very much. As for being on them for the rest of my life...I am clearly bipolar. Was diagnosed decades ago and that diagnosis remains as strong as it ever was, even considering the hard work I've done (and still do) with therapists in the past.
I believe my bipolar is a neurological illness and, possibly, a genetic one (my dad was bipolar). I expect to be on some kind of meds for the rest of my life (unless psychiatry invents something different that works to treat mental illness).

The reasons I'm going to therapy at this point in my life are not the same reasons I take medication. One is for grief issues; the other is for mood issues.

Anyway. I have an afternoon appointment with the therapist today. I guess, in my mind, I am using today's appointment as a barometer. If the session is helpful, I will continue. If I leave saying to myself, "Hmm...I just wasted a big part of my afternoon"...I might terminate. IF I can come up with the courage (I probably can) I will actually mention my concerns to the therapist.

I'll let you all know how it goes. Oh- one more concern that I forgot to mention...I don't feel a transference happening with the therapist yet. I've seen her 4 times, so far. I just feel like I'm visiting a friend that I don't know that well, but I don't think about her fondly outside of session or anything like that. With my therapist many years ago (the one I saw for 6 years), I felt a strong transference from the get-go. I'm kind of concerned about not feeling that with this person. ???

Thank you all very much for your feedback today

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Great input! Thanks to each of you

I "signed up" for therapy because I have had many losses (people and pets) over the past decade. The most recent was my 18 year old cat (December); before that was my sister (end of 2016). Before that...the losses are piled one on top of another and I wanted to learn to deal better with sickness and death.

But right off the therapist was like, "You have had so much go on in your life...it seems like you are very courageous to go through these things...you seem like a gentle spirit..." and so on. And on. It seemed like she was almost in awe of me. And I was sitting in her office thinking, "Well, what am I supposed to do except go through these things? I don't have a choice. They happen. I do that which is necessary."

Then I started wondering if therapy can really do anything for me that I'm not already doing for myself.

I am not court ordered to go to therapy BUT it kind of feels like I am, because my pdoc works in the same office as my therapist. Pdoc insists I go to therapy. I fear that if I resist her and don't go to therapy, pdoc might pull back from prescribing meds that I believe are necessary for my stabilization. I feel trapped by that.

Sorry for all of your losses. If your pdoc insists on you going to therapy, perhaps ask him what his reasons for that are. Ask him how not going to therapy affects him prescribing meds to you. Maybe that would be a good starting point to figure out how to proceed with therapy. Also, if you do continue with therapy whether "forced" by pdoc or of your own volition, you are entitled to shop around for other therapists that could be a better match for you.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by maybeblue

Some clinics will require that you see a therapist if you see a psychiatrist there. There are a couple of possible reasons for that

1) The medication that the client is on is/could be addictive and by that I mean that the client keeps needing more and more to get the same effect. This is particularly true of antianxiety medications. The psychiatrist might want the client to learn coping strategies and relaxation techniques in order to reduce the need for medication.

2) The psychiatrist doesn't believe that the "real" problem is a biological one. He/she thinks that the client needs to deal with "deeper" issues.

3) The center wants to make sure that the client is monitored more closely than a psychiatrist has time to do.

In any case psychotherapy doesn't really work if the client doesn't want it to...or has nothing they need to change. It might be nice to talk to someone friendly every week, but seems like that need could be met by someone other than a therapist. If you really think that you have nothing that you need to work on with a therapist and the psychiatrist requires that if you see him/her you must see a therapist too, then maybe you could see if you could get your meds from a general practitioner.

I believe #3 is the reason my pdoc wants me to be in therapy. And I guess I'm just not exactly sure why I'm sitting in those sessions. I mean, what the exact reason is for me (not for the pdoc).

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Sorry for all of your losses. If your pdoc insists on you going to therapy, perhaps ask him what his reasons for that are. Ask him how not going to therapy affects him prescribing meds to you. Maybe that would be a good starting point to figure out how to proceed with therapy. Also, if you do continue with therapy whether "forced" by pdoc or of your own volition, you are entitled to shop around for other therapists that could be a better match for you.

Thank you so much.

[Wonderfalls]

If you're happy with your psychiatrist I wouldn't change, and most GP's don't feel comfortable prescribing psychoactive medicines beyond an antidepressant or sleeping pill. I can see your doctor requiring you to be in therapy as well. I don't think he can insist that you see this particular one. I've been in (non-therapeutic) relationships where the other person seems to have some kind of "crush" on me and it's very annoying. Have you opened up your less admirable traits to her? Also can you lengthen the time between sessions?

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Wonderfalls

If you're happy with your psychiatrist I wouldn't change, and most GP's don't feel comfortable prescribing psychoactive medicines beyond an antidepressant or sleeping pill. I can see your doctor requiring you to be in therapy as well. I don't think he can insist that you see this particular one. I've been in (non-therapeutic) relationships where the other person seems to have some kind of "crush" on me and it's very annoying. Have you opened up your less admirable traits to her? Also can you lengthen the time between sessions?

Thank you so much for your reply, Wonderfalls. You are correct: my GP refuses to prescribe any of the meds I take. In fact, my former GP also refused to prescribe psych meds (except SSRI's). So that's out. Plus, I feel much more comfortable seeing a pdoc for medication.

I live in a town that doesn't have many therapists, and even fewer for my insurance. And don't get me wrong- the therapist I'm seeing is a terrific woman; very open and down to earth. She's 60, so has some excellent life experience. Our kids are the same ages. Honestly, it's not her...it's me, haha.

You've expressed it perfectly! I am not a narcissist, definitely not. It's just that honestly, the woman seems to almost have a crush on me. Maybe the transference is happening for her, but not for me? At any rate, it's difficult for me to show myself, all aspects of myself, because I feel like I'm letting her down. The whole thing feels like a huge burden to me. I'm sitting here watching the clock and almost dreading the moment when I have to leave my apartment and go over to the clinic. I have never had such a feeling about therapy before; I'm usually very up for it. End result = I just feel tired and discouraged

[*Laurie*]

Well....

I cancelled.

WHAT A RELIEF.

And I feel like a sh-it for cancelling on her. I told the sweet receptionist that I am just not ready to do therapy right now. Maybe in the spring I'll feel more into it. All I know is that I feel enormously relieved that I don't have to sit in that office thinking, What time is it and WHEN can I get out of here? It definitely isn't that I don't want to face issues, I face my issues all the time; it's that I just don't believe therapy is something that will truly help me at this point in my life. I facilitate a peer support group with other mentally ill people; that group does help me...I feel like I belong in that group, with those people. It's comforting.

I cannot thank you all enough for your prompt, honest replies. Each one of you have helped me a lot today

[*Laurie*]

Thanks for the hug, scaredandconfused

[*Laurie*]

The therapist called and left a message for me today. She was so kind. She's concerned about not having closure. But I'd seen her only 4 times. She said the door is always open and that if I want to talk whenever, just call.

I'm going to write a short letter to her and thank her for the phone message.