When is it time to stop?

I have been seeing my current P'doc who also does therapy for over 10 years. I haven't moved very far in psychological terms. This last year has been a rough one and I have been inpatient 3 times.

Last time I saw him we spoke about wasting each other time. I asked him if I was wasting his time and he said it was more about wasting my time. There are times when I wonder that he is more of a 'paid' friend. I don't have people in my life that will listen. (Apart from here).

So I am wondering if it's time to stop.

If you feel like he is not helping your mental health, then imo, there is no reason to continue paying money to not get help. I understand it can be difficult to stop seeing someone who you've seen for so long.

I feel like I may always be in therapy in some form or another. I’ve had times where I’ve gone once every two weeks. Since moving I’m back to once a week. I still get a lot out of it. Every time I have to see a new t it gives me hope that I can attach to new people.

Maybe you might want to try a new t if current one is disengaged or discouraged? A new picture be might have an approach that works better. I really think there is nothing wrong with long term therapy if you feel you need it.

I think that maybe you should consider trying a different therapist...maybe someone with a different orientation? Cognitive therapy instead of psychodynamic or vice versa? If having a "paid friend" was keeping you stable and safe, then I don't see anything wrong with it. But since you have been hospitalized several times, then it seems like maybe you need something different.

I've been in therapy off and on for well over 10 years, but I do think I have made progress (although lots of setbacks too). I've also had maybe 6 different therapists? It's not that I have hated any of them (ok maybe one), but it seems like after awhile I run out of things to say to them, or they run out of techniques. It just seems like a change will shake things up and I'll make faster progress for awhile.

You need a fresh pair of eyes or shall I say ears. Someone with a different modality. I say stop therapy and detox from it for a few months and then start to look for a new therapist.

People use and deal with therapy in many different different ways, including when it is time to stop, I think. I have always been very introspective and work in the mental health field myself, but never tried therapy until I was 40 years old. Then I went for ~2 years, with two different Ts (one pretty awful and one decent). It was interesting and I definitely do not regret it, but not really so helpful for most of the issues I wanted to address. I also used it more for fun and as a distraction rather that working on problems, so eventually I stopped because it interfered with my focus on the really important things and it was too expensive as a hobby; I also found it addictive for me. My Ts really did not want me to quit but I don't think they understood how I used it (more as a distraction from tackling my problems) until later when I told them via email. I think for me it was an interesting adventure but I don't feel I want or need to try therapy again in the same format. I would maybe do occasional, short-term consultations.

I imagine that for people who started therapy young and did it for very long periods (say >5 years), it becomes a form of habit and part of life, much like someone who is an athlete and does physical sports in most of their life. Then it is hard to stop because it kinda incorporates into the person and how one lives in general.

Sounds like something needs to change, whether you stop or not. Sometimes therapy can be like chemotherapy in the sense that it can be palliative, for the purpose of not getting worse. Maybe the rough circumstances in the past year have made it impossible to make progress.

Can you have a conversation about how you could do things differently in therapy, and/or what you might try to increase your progress? It doesn't seem to me that the only choices are keep going nonproductively or quit.

I have been in therapy for a long time. I myself think therapy as a way to keep myself functioning in the world. I never think im wasting my time in therapy and i do see myself making progress babysteps. For you it might be different. Maybe with your pdoc have a talk see if you can have a small goal to work towards or talk about your progress. I think it was a good start you ask him if you where wasting his time, i think that is progress in it self and something to examin further

I think it is unfortunate that the p'doc discussed therapy in terms of wasting your time, knowing that you've been inpatient three times in the past year. I am like Cheryl27 in that I see therapy as a way to keep myself functioning in the world. I talked about quitted with long time t and she didn't encourage it. It strikes me that he responded in terms of wasting your time. Perhaps, like others suggested, it is time to switch t / modality / approach, and see the pdoc occasionally as a pdoc.

My initial thought was as some have said here--try another therapist. But I'd also think about the whole process in of itself.

I was forced to quit therapy due to cost, and I had a really hard time with ending, mostly because of my attachment to my T. I have since found a personal fitness training program for only $30 a week, and it seems like I'm emerging out of the emotional aspects of my depression for the first time. My clinical symptoms of depression have also started to lift, which I think is related to finally working up to 60 mins. of vigorous cardio/strength exercise 6 days a week. Exercise is shown to be as effective for depression as medications or therapy.

And it's great to have more body-mind balance. I am very 'feeling' of a person in terms of emotions, but therapy created a lot of intellectualization for me-being too much in my head-analyzing, processing, thinking about therapy, scenerios running through mind, thinking about Ts emails, worrying about T, renumerating over ruptures, etc. Quitting therapy has brought me more back to my body again, which how I was before therapy. I had done yoga and regular exercise inconsistently but throughout therapy, but I also was already spend the workday thinking, reading, writing, analyzing, so the extra focus and time spent in mind instead of body took a negative toll to my emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

So I wonder if therapy was making my depression worse. A good part of it was my T emphasizing or criticizing negative aspects of me, or pathologizing other things that really had no negative impact and otherwise shouldn't be 'issues', but revisiting all the childhood neglect/misery/trauma, and negative aspects of transference (eg, rejection) was a big contributer to my depression. Despite feeling positive emotions in session once a week from time to time, sitting through all that negative emotion did not contribute to wellness for me.

I also think gains in therapy are most concentrated in the beginning, when first learning about yourself. Once all my emotions were fully felt and expressed, patterns identified, etc., the benefit in therapy have lessened. Of course I would still benefit from continuing it. I could do it everyday and still find benefit, but it's just like anything else (ie self-help books-will reading 200 provide more benefit than reading just 20 key books?) I could also watch Netflix documentaries all day, and still benefit. But is it worth the time, negative side effects, or cost? So a cost-benefit analysis is something to think about. Where and how you want to invest your time.

I had depression or dysthymia the whole time during my therapy, which totals 8 years with 2 different Ts. Your issues might be more serious than mine, but I had periods of emotional instability during my therapy that I did not have prior to starting therapy. Have never been inpatient though and have stayed employed full-time.

In my case, trying something new has made a significant difference. I'm only just realizing this over the past week, so time will tell about long-term improvement.

Thought I'd add-Even though I never planned to stay in therapy for too long, I'm not trying to say therapy is a bad thing. I have had some positive experiences (particularly with one T) and mostly my first therapy has had good impact on many aspects of my life overall. But I want to emphasize that quitting can be positive too and can lead to positive life changes that may have not otherwise occurred by remaining in therapy.

Hi possum
If you have been seeing the same P'doc for 10 years and are questioning your psychological health and why you haven't progressed far.
Just wondering why your P'doc hasn't either?
Is it easier to just continue for them

I have been with my t nearly 8 years and during those years i have had periods where i felt i wasnt progressing but then there will be a period of great productivity i am learning to accept that this is how i do therapy and how i have always done things being bipolar. I dont know what you are in therapy for but have you seen this pattern in the past?

My brain has just turned to mush and I am having a hard time thinking at all.

I initiated the idea that I was wasting his time. Just before that I felt so odd and weird strange I find it hard to explain. Maybe it was a flight response to him pushing my button.

I have DID (and a few other issues) and when he talks about stuff there is a high chance that my voices is changed and I lack the ability to control something that is coming out of my mouth and I dont like it. I am embarrassed by it. I have seconds to respond inside my head before I am lost and they are out. Somehow I have learned to get control of those things before he can trigger them. He wants to talk to them. He has told me that before. I think they are kids that were never allowed to talk. And I am not helping. He feels like he is hitting a wall.

He may be right. Today I got a phone call from his office saying he was going away for a few weeks in April. Least that's one month off that I wont see him. It makes me sad that he is going away. Reminds me how empty my life is.

I have written heaps to him and since I saw him last about what we talked about, much more than I normally would. .............

My brain hurts.

I have a dissociative disorder and am unsure what has happened on a daily basis. I think this mimics the feeling of not getting anywhere fast well because i am not always there to see wha happens and the others dont always fill me in.