I’ve written about a little of this before, but I’m zeroing in on it more now.

I really don’t want personal information about my T. It bothers me. I want to see them as a professional T, and that is all.

My last T met her boyfriend down in the lobby because she forgot her keys to the office. She took the keys and then kissed him, right in front of me. I wasn’t expecting it. Ugh, gross, please. Besides, I didn’t want to know that was your squeeze anyway.

She also told me that she was on medication for depression and it was working (please don’t tell me TMI).

My T before that liked to talk about his wife, and yes I know who she is too. And he told me about their retirement plans. I don’t want to stress out about when you retire.

I hate knowing anything.

How do you feel about it?

[unaluna]

No! No kissing!! I'm gonna have to start my therapy from the beginning just from reading about this! My eyes!! Seriously, no, grosssssss.

[InnerPeace111]

I’m with you on this one. I wouldn’t want to know anything either.

[LittleAfrica]

We're on the same page. I don't want to know anything about my therapist.

[lucozader]

I'm conflicted about it. Part of me wants to know everything about him, and part of me is very aware that everything I know about him affects how I am with him and gets in the way of my therapy.

I don't really know anything about him personally I suppose, but he seems a lot more open than my previous T and today I find myself thinking 'I wonder how much he would self-disclose if I asked...' (I pretty much never ask for personal information, because I'm too afraid that my request will be rebuffed and part of me will feel terribly rejected). Anyway, that's an uncomfortable thought for me.

I do also see him in his house, so there's a certain amount of unavoidable self-disclosure there.

I absolutely would not ever want to see him kissing anyone, bloody hell. No.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

It really depends... I know I don't do well with knowing personal things. I get obsessed easily and that usually hurts. But I don't mind knowing some bits here and there. As long as I feel everything he tells me is for a reason, i.e. he doesn't tell me about his upcoming birthday party unless it has a direct connection to something in my life.

I could not deal with seeing him with his family or friends at all though. I know a bit about his family, and he probably has friends, but seeing them interact would hurt way too much to be useful in any way.

[MoxieDoxie]

Knowing a few things help shift the power differential for me. It feels very uncomfortable for me to be in a situation where the other person learns everything about me yet I know nothing about them. I want to know some of their vulnerabilities or things they struggled with and simple demographics like if they are married with kids.

Seeing them kiss someone might upset me if I have some type of transference and get jealous or make me feel bad about myself because I long to have that kind of relationship with someone where I am loved and desired.

[DP_2017]

I know a ton about my T, he's never refused to answer anything I ask and he offers out alot of info I don't ask. I love it because it provides a huge comfort factor for me but it also feels very friend like, which can be mentally confusing at times.... but if he stopped doing this sort of stuff this far into things, I'd take it as rejection and not handle it well...

As for the kissing aspect, I'd hate it, but mostly because I can't stand PDA anyway. From anyone. Makes me very uncomfortable

I'm also conflicted. I guess I want to know enough to know that he's a human being, but aside from that I just need him to be a competent clinician. I think that I've struck that balance for now. We're also in a good place in our work together. It's probably a false correlation, but I'm going to go with it.

I'm beyond disturbed that your therapist kissed her boyfriend in front of you.

[elisewin]

I don't mind knowing stuff. I don't feel jealous or conflicted hearing about T's friends and family. My T has always answered if I'm curious and shares some if it is relevant to the situation. But yes, I like to hear things about her.

[tomatenoir]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Knowing a few things help shift the power differential for me. It feels very uncomfortable for me to be in a situation where the other person learns everything about me yet I know nothing about them. I want to know some of their vulnerabilities or things they struggled with and simple demographics like if they are married with kids.

Seeing them kiss someone might upset me if I have some type of transference and get jealous or make me feel bad about myself because I long to have that kind of relationship with someone where I am loved and desired.

I agree - - knowing nothing leaves me in too vulnerable a position.

My T has disclosed exactly two things about himself in eight months. Blank slate to the extreme.

Knowing nothing was driving me round the bend. I went full on Google sleuth after a few months of therapy and managed to find out a few things about him. I feel much more relaxed in sessions now, just from finding out a few basics.

[maybeblue]

I know it isn't good for me to know much. That's why I never google stalk them. Occasionally it is very helpful. For instance my therapist said that his wife was a nurse, so he was used to hearing about gross medical stuff. Then I didn't need to worry about his sensitivities. Mostly though it isn't all that helpful and sometimes it is annoying and distracting.

[AllHeart]

I like to know some personal things about t. Whatever personal things she discloses are minimal, relevant to my therapy, and not excessive nor inappropriate. I appreciate getting a glimpse into her personal world just a little in order to know that she's not a robotic blank slate t but that is it.

Ex-t shared way too much personal information with me, even prior to us becoming friends. At the time, I thought it was great because it made me feel so special. Turns out it was extremely damaging.

I did see ex-t kiss and hug her husband a few times but not at the office so I didn't find it offensive at all. If it had happened at the office, I would have been horrified.

[Mike_J]

My therapist is a single parent, so am I, and her daughter is the same age, or a year older than my daughter so knowing that has been very helpful. And I wouldn't really want to know who she is dating (assuming she dates) .

[stopdog]

I only care if a therapist wastes my time and money with it. I am not all that eager to see anyone else kiss nor do I want an audience when I kiss someone -but it would not upset me specifically because a therapist was kissing someone.

Mine tells me a lot about herself, and I like hearing it. Its good to know she is just a plain old messed up human being like I am.

[fille_folle]

I like knowing stuff. However, I think I would feel uncomfortable if my T kissed someone on the mouth in front of me.

Edit: However, on reflection, I'm not sure that I enjoy seeing anyone kissing. Then again, kissing sort of grosses me out. I don't even like doing it myself. Blech.

[SoConfused623]

Since I disclose so much, I just can't deal with a blank slate T and it drives me crazy. I want a T who discloses a little bit when it's relevant. My new T seems to want to spend the first 5 minutes chatting and I'm not sure if I like it or not She doesn't seem to mind telling me about her life. Knowing things about her does not upset me at all. I really wouldn't care if she kissed her husband on a rare occasion.

[SarahSweden]

I think telling or not telling clients about personal things is hard to manage as you never know how a certain client will react. Some wants information and some don´t but I think everything that has to do with openly showing affections towards a partner or other relatives, like kissing in a hallway, is very inappropriate.

I think talking about medicines can affect the client's trust negatively as a client might begin to think that the T suddenly will have to take a break because of illness or similar. I would personally begin to wonder if the T is healthy enough to work.

I don´t see why a therapist should tell about things like retirement as all such family plans can be a reminder of what the client doesn´t have her/himself. That´s because it ´s common that clients enter therapy because of issues like loneliness, difficult family relations and then why tell the client about "happy plans". That makes no sense to me, it only seems harmful.

Originally Posted by key tones

I’ve written about a little of this before, but I’m zeroing in on it more now.

I really don’t want personal information about my T. It bothers me. I want to see them as a professional T, and that is all.

My last T met her boyfriend down in the lobby because she forgot her keys to the office. She took the keys and then kissed him, right in front of me. I wasn’t expecting it. Ugh, gross, please. Besides, I didn’t want to know that was your squeeze anyway.

She also told me that she was on medication for depression and it was working (please don’t tell me TMI).

My T before that liked to talk about his wife, and yes I know who she is too. And he told me about their retirement plans. I don’t want to stress out about when you retire.

I hate knowing anything.

How do you feel about it?

[Salmon77]

I've learned a fair bit about my T's life and it doesn't bother me at all. I'm glad he has a nice family. I don't see what's so gross about a T kissing their SO in public either, if it's just a peck and not hardcore making out or whatever. But I guess this just really depends on the client.

That said, I would not want to know about a T's health issues, especially mental health stuff. That would make me worry about them and whether they're able to keep up their work.

[Favorite Jeans]

I like knowing a bit about my T. Keeps her relatable as a person. But what you're describing is over the top. Kissing her partner and disclosure about meds for mental health--no way!

I am inclined to agree with the original poster. It is vitally important to me that my pdoc be the utmost of a professional and that the relationship I have with him be one only of doctor-patient. I don't want to cross any boundaries. It is not a friendship and I am of the opinion such things never should be.

He has been my pdoc now for five years. The only thing I know about him personally is that he has a young adult son that seems a bit lost. We have joked about it being a case of 'the shoemakers kid going barefoot'. The only reason this came up was it came as a response to what he felt was my excessie worry over my own son coming up against difficulties.

I have made some conclusions about the sort of man he is based on his office space - art work, objects on his desk, lack of clutter, expensive coffee machine, etc. I know then that the man likely has some OCD challenges, likes to surround himself with meaningful things, and has a cafiene problem.

I ran into him once when he was with a friend at a sporting event. He merely said hello and that it was good to see me. He introduced me to his friend as a friend and colleague.

That is the extent of it and that, thank goodness, goes no further.

[ruh roh]

I don't hate knowing things she's shared. It helps me have a sense for the person across from me. I don't think I would ever see her with a significant other anywhere near her office, though. She won't even tell me if she has one. I'm assuming that's because maybe she thinks it would feel alienating to me for her to come out and say she's straight, even though it wouldn't be any more than I already feel.

[bounceback]

I almost had the same thing happen. I was waiting downstairs while waiting for my T one time and she saw this guy and ran over and hugged him. She is single so I was wondering if she was dating him or going out to lunch. I remember it made me feel weird. So I understand what you are saying. As far as personal information about a T, sometimes I wish I knew more about them but at other times it makes me sad for the things I didn't have. For example, she would talk about her relationship with her father. My parents were divorced. Before they divorced my dad was rarely around so it would bother me. I would feel somewhat envious.

So I get this. I really do.

[Ididitmyway]

For me it's not a black and white issue. I am not against self-disclosure in principle, but it has to be done mindfully, not habitually like in normal social situations. As a therapist I know that the rule of thumb with self-disclosure is to do it only if the therapist has a good reason to believe that it would benefit the client. As a client, I felt the same way about my therapists' disclosure of personal information. Most of the time I didn't want to know anything about them. Occasionally though I needed to know if they could relate to my experience because they have experienced something similar and then I'd just ask them. The gave me the information I needed every time I asked and it was minimal, just enough for me to know that they do "get it", and that's all I needed.

I don't feel like I need to know something personal about a therapist in order to experience them as a real human being and not a blank screen. In most cases I much prefer to see their humanness in their behavior, in how they treat me and in their views on life, on suffering and healing. There is so much a person can communicate about themselves without sharing any personal information that no self-disclosure is needed with the exception of the situation I described above.