T says I'm depressed and wants to find a group for me

I slipped back a little last session when I got hung up about our relationship again. I sent emails after the session about my heart hurting because our relationship isn't mutual. I also wrote again that I want to die because of my physical pain.

She asked me to call her so I did. She said I'm not physically or emotionally well now. I agree. So she's looking for a group. She says nothing changed in our relationship. She's a professional and my T. She cares about me and feels love for me, but it's not about her and me, but about my connections in real life. Sometimes I try to forget that because she's so warm and friendly. It does hurt my heart though I know she's right.

Mostly we've been discussing my physical health in sessions. I see the geriatric psychiatrist next week. I hate meds! Trying to adjust to gabapentin for the second time because I need it for my sciatic pain.

Not sure what I want from this thread. No one can help.

But it is mutual. A feeling of respect toward one another.

Is she looking for a group for other people with chronic pain? I'd think that could possibly be helpful for you. I think your T really cares and might feel she's not sure how to help you with the struggles with pain.
Also, you may want to try seeing if there are any Tai Chi or Qi Gong classes around you (they're somewhat similar)--I've been taking Qi Gong, and in my last class, the instructor said a couple of the exercises she was showing us were good for sciatica. Though I forget if you're getting physical therapy or seeing a chiropractor--if that's the case, they may not want you doing outside exercises.

Thank you. You're right, but I have attachment issues so I want more. T likes me very much, and I like her. We have some things in common also. I have a few close friends in real life but T is the best! She can't be my friend and my T, I know, but sometimes it's so hard for me to accept the reality, especially since I'm suffering with my medical problems.

((((((( rainbow )))))))

I had wanted "more" from my T for a long time, but couldn't tell her what "more" would look like. After I finished my MFA and my book was published, T told me she was proud of me, and THAT turned out to be my "more!" It cemented the fact that she does think of me outside of my sessions. I gave her the first copy of my book, and I thanked her in the acknowledgements.

I thanked my therapist in the acknowledgments in my book too. I asked if she was ok with me gifting her a copy. She told me she had already bought it, which meant the world to me.

I go through cycles of wanting more from my therapist and accepting the relationship for what it is. It's helped at times to remember the cyclical nature of the longing when it's especially strong. Also having my therapist normalize and welcome my longing as healthy attachment striving - along with acknowledging that she can't meet those needs for me.

She also gently directs me around how to meet my own needs. I still struggle with wanting her to meet them, but it feels ok to try to team up, so to speak, to meet my needs together.

Sending warm thoughts ❤️

Sorry about your continued challenges, rainbow A support group of others struggling with similar physical issues and/or depression might not be a bad idea, it can be very helpful to talk with people who know exactly what you are going through because they are just experiencing or have experienced the same. Maybe you could also find some new friends among them? I met one of my best friends in a mental health-related peer support group and it's currently one of the personal relationships that I appreciate the most, I think it is for both of us.

I think we CAN help by sending excellent thought forms your way (wow, I'm doing way too much of this woo-woo work with my T but you get the point).

Also, you may just find that the group is a good place to be able to air some of your issues with people dealing with very similar things.

Mainly, I want to tell you that you come across as searingly honest and I wish you the best in your search for those who CAN help!

Rainbow this must be so frustrating to have everyone focus on the emotions that come from physical pain but not on actually fixing the gd pain. You can treat the depression sure but why not treat the cause. I'm sorry rainbow and wish you the best.

I'm sure I can't help in any significant way, but I wanted you to know that I care about you and am wishing you the best.

I believe that depression is among the correct responses to chronic pain. I am always surprised when those who identify themselves as being in the health care field of any sort act as though depression is an unusual or incorrect response that needs fixing. In my opinion, it is not. Any number of things that happen are depressing and to respond like some chirpy pollyanna would seem to be more a cause for concern than depressed.
But a group might help you socialize more or get out etc.

And yet we chirpy polliesanna get cast aside like so much smiley driftwood

If you find a group let us know how it goes.

Does swimming help alleviate any pain? I know that some gyms offer over 50 group swims.

Thank you. The group T found is DBT which I've taken before, but this group is in a hospital, though it's outpatient. I'm having an evaluation first to see if it's appropriate for me. I used up my allowed PT sessions so not sure what I should do. I tried to do some of the exercises and they made me worse.

Thanks, Fuzzy.

That's so exciting that you wrote a book and got it published! I understand her saying she's proud of you satisfied your wanting more!

You wrote a book too? I'm jealous! I always wanted to do it but never did.

Thank you. Your T sounds like mine. Yes, the longing comes and goes. I have a close relationship with my T, and she that's okay. I can finally say"I love you" to her directly. I usually feel good with her and that's enough.

Thank you. I don't know yet what the people in the group will be struggling with, but I wish it weren't DBT again. Not that I can't use a review! This is the only group covered by my insurance, T said.

Thank you very much, mcl. I hope there will be people dealing with pain in the group. Otherwise I'm going to look for a different class. There may be something online.

Many Drs. are trying to treat the cause. It seems like it's the spinal stenosis. It's frustrating to be in so much pain. I was up at 5 a.m. Stood up a lot of the day and felt better but lying down now is awful.
Thank you, Anne. I know you care.
My T doesn't think my reaction is unusual. She just wants me to feel better.
una

Swimming was okay but I probably should go more. I burned my arm on my stove so waiting for it to heal first.
Thanks, growly.

For the pain of lying down, could it maybe help to get one of those adjustable beds? (where parts can go up and down). Or if that's not doable/affordable, they make various shapes of pillows for, say, putting between your legs if you're on your side, under your knees if you're on your back, etc. (I mostly know about them from pregnancy). Possibly something like that could put your body in a more comfortable position?

I wonder if it would also be helpful if you found a support forum or in-person group for people dealing with sciatica? Or chronic pain problems in general? It seems like it could be helpful to get validation and tips/suggestions from people who are suffering from the same thing, in addition to the emotional support you get here and in therapy.

Have you considered getting a pet? It could give you comfort and something to focus on.

Unfortunately, I'm very allergic to dogs and cats. We used to have a cat. It's a good suggestion, though. Thanks, sd.

My friend encouraged me to buy a memory foam topper for my bed. Covers the whole bed. It cost about $60 but unfortunately doesn't really help. I've tried regular pillows between my legs. It hurts very much to lie down no matter what. I don't think parts of the bed up or down would help. A recliner didn't feel any better. I don't think I'm on strong enough medicine.

I've read in the spine support group online but answers seem to be from a few years ago. They're kind of depressing too. I haven't found an in person group. People I know who have it can sit but walking is hard. They don't understand my not being able to sit or lie down. I've been trying to sleep for over an hour and can't so I'm standing up again. Used biofreeze. That helps a little.

I have three conditions that cause chronic discomfort, stopping just short of pain. My sleep is a mess. I do what I can for myself with physical therapy, self-acupressure with balls and foam roller but fortunately headed off an additional painful back problem with PT. Sleep is the worst since I'm alone with the discomfort and rest often is illusive.

Fortunately I also have strong passions, so my drive to get things done help helps my mind focus on the goal rather than my limitations. My attempts at internet support for these conditions are short lived, because unless I'm learning new solutions, focusing doesn't help. I much prefer to spend time with others who share my positive interests rather than the physical issues.

All the best. I hope you find solutions for your back problem.

Rainbow, I have several chronic illnesses which, when they flare, cause extreme pain and other symptoms. I'd be happy to talk to you, give you support, if you like. Gentle hugs.

It sounds like two kinds of pain are wearing you down. There has to be something better for your physical pain? I broke my back , and I recall the epic pain, and I see why coping with back pain nonstop would be depressing. Gabapentin just doesn't seem like much of a way to fight back to me. My reasoning isn't solid though- it is bc Gabapentin made my dog wh took it for spondylosis in his back feel weak at a high enough dose to control the pain. Can't they give you something much stronger, and at least give you a breather from the chronic pain?