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#351
Jul 10, 2018, 07:59 AM
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Possible trigger:
__________________
"Beneath the dust and love and sweat that hangs on everybody / there's a dead man trying to get out..." Last edited by AnnaBegins; Jul 10, 2018 at 08:27 AM. |
 Anastasia~, Anonymous46415, atisketatasket, ChickenNoodleSoup, Lilana, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, RaineD, stormyisland, SummerTime12, Tryingtoheal77, WarmFuzzySocks
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#352
Jul 10, 2018, 08:33 AM
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Dear T,
Uh, is your athleticism rubbing off on me? Or did you slip "athlete powder" in my water when I wasn't looking? I just voluntarily went on a 2-mile walk in the sun and heat (on a hilly route around my neighborhood). I got through the first loop, was like, "I'm feeling good, I'm gonna do that again!" OK, I took at shortcut at end, but still. My heart rate was in cardio zone the whole time, even inching into "peak" for a bit per Fitbit. But...I felt OK? Not all panicking? Huh... LT |
| SalingerEsme, WarmFuzzySocks
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 junkDNA, SalingerEsme, WarmFuzzySocks
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#353
Jul 10, 2018, 09:12 AM
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lol why do I do this to myself.
I found my former ts blog online. he wrote a lot about compassion and being resilient. some of the tags on the post included my hometown, psychologist, and license. I can't even right now. but honestly it makes me want to contact him.
__________________
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| atisketatasket, ChickenNoodleSoup, Echos Myron redux, LonesomeTonight, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#354
Jul 10, 2018, 09:21 AM
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Dear T,
Also of course I'm agonizing about whether to see if you can see me this Friday instead of Thursday, so there's less time in between with you being out early in week. And also because my friend will be in the area Thursday morning, and don't know if I can see her if I have session with you. Also considering switch to seeing you both Wed. and Fri. next week (as you'd offered) instead of just Thurs. And if so to possibly seeing if p-doc could move me earlier in the week next week or else to Thursday. Why am I so indecisive??? I know time may be of essence before you get booked up. I suspect you're waiting for my "actually, what's your availability on these days?" e-mail, because you know me! Hm, this may be a good future topic, because I think some of my indecisiveness about dates/times (in general, not just with you) is an OCD thing, like "I must pick the absolute ideal time!" (I'm like that with picking restaurants sometimes, too.) And/or anxiety, like "What if I just schedule you for next Thursday, then I have a horrible weekend/early week and wish I had scheduled you for Wed.?" Or, "What if I schedule you for Wed., and then I'm sick or you're sick or C is sick, so I can't see you then but would have been able to see you Thursday?" Yes, I know, it's exhausting to live with this brain... LT |
| SummerTime12
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#355
Jul 10, 2018, 10:17 AM
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I miss you
Where are you? Are you safe? Are you having fun? I miss you |
| atisketatasket, ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#356
Jul 10, 2018, 11:01 AM
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Quote:
This, to me, is a huge red flag that maybe you DO need to find someone else. This does not sound like a good quality in a T. 
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| atisketatasket, Jessica Hazlitt, LonesomeTonight
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#357
Jul 10, 2018, 11:18 AM
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Where the hell are you? I'm groundless.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| atisketatasket, ChickenNoodleSoup, LonesomeTonight
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#359
Jul 10, 2018, 01:35 PM
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Stupid, stupid, stupid Artie. When will I ever learn....
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| Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#360
Jul 10, 2018, 01:50 PM
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Dear T,
I'm testing out something as small as an expanded Calendar bevy of options, with the most joyful colors for my most joyful activities. I like separating out some of the things I have to do with the things I do when I hang with my loved ones or engage in self care. Seems like a trivial thing, but it feels kind of shifting something about how I organize and prioritize things in my life. The intentionality of choosing A or B. I'm really into choice, like I have to keep telling myself, you can have the life you choose, like I need permission for myself. Like someone else is stopping me but me. A holdover of a childhood where someone really did have control over me, CSA and otherwise. I get why it is so hard, like the fear of something bad happening when I exercise my right to choose. And of course, because bad things can happen at any time and they have, their coincidental coexistence in time with me making intentional choices reinforces my kid belief that to put myself out there, to go after what I want with intention, that is the problem. It's less risky to attend to everyone and everything before I ask myself what I want, assuming there is an hour left in the day. |
| Anastasia~, unaluna
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#361
Jul 10, 2018, 02:39 PM
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Dear T,
Hoping you're just busy and haven't had a chance between sessions to reply to my scheduling question. You'd said to just let you know if I changed my mind about the scheduling yesterday, so realistically, I shouldn't think you'd be annoyed. Since you offered that. See, I'm talking myself out of being concerned! Though I kind of just want to e-mail and be like "Never mind! I'm good keeping it as it was!" I mainly want to know about next Wed., because if you are available, then I'd probably want to reschedule p-doc for a different day that week. Well, and I also want to know about switching to Friday this week because that would affect how much time I could hang out with my friend who'll be in town Thursday...(though I didn't mention that part in the e-mail because I was trying to just keep it to scheduling without explaining too much--or maybe that's only an issue in scheduling texts?). LT ETA: Thanks for your response and being understanding about it. Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Jul 10, 2018 at 06:08 PM. |
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#363
Jul 10, 2018, 03:35 PM
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I hope you have the most amazing and relaxing holiday. I am sorry to bother you when I do (although I start to think you are not bothered that much). I am hanging in there, don't worry. I love you!
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| LonesomeTonight
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| Anne2.0
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#364
Jul 10, 2018, 04:05 PM
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Dear t,
Re-sent that e-mail since you it's been about 48 business hours and you haven't answered. Hopefully I'll be back home tomorrow and then I can see you Friday. -Butterfly |
| LonesomeTonight
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#365
Jul 10, 2018, 04:07 PM
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I want to cry and I want you to be with me right now.
Tonight I am not good, tonight I need you. |
| 88Butterfly88, growlycat, LonesomeTonight
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#366
Jul 10, 2018, 04:14 PM
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Dear T,
I'm missing you. It's been such a rollercoaster of a week. I've had some lovely moments too and I've resisted the urge to SH or purge. I've managed to sort out a day to myself tomorrow to do things that I enjoy and just look after myself. I feel like such a failure and a bad parent though. And I've not managed to resist continuo my crash diet. I've lost a lot of weight this week and in my twisted way I can't wait to see the worry on your face when we talk about it. it seems to be the only thing that brings you out of your calm,composed and analytical t mode into more animated, concerned t mode where you feel so much closer to me. I can't wait to see you but I'm also dreading if the pain this week will be as bad as last week. |
| 88Butterfly88, LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12, WarmFuzzySocks
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#367
Jul 10, 2018, 04:59 PM
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Dear t,
Thanks for answering my second e-mail. I'm disappointed you can't see me this week, I really feel I could use a session. But I will see you next week so that's good. Until then be well. -Butterfly |
| Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#368
Jul 10, 2018, 05:20 PM
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I'm not pleased with you, T. Get it together.
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| 88Butterfly88, Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#369
Jul 10, 2018, 06:00 PM
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Hi R,
This is all rather maddening. Three weeks (Four? Who frigging knows?) is a long time to carry the thing I have been carrying. Yes, I can talk to other people about it, but other people are not you, funnily enough. Some of those other people have read my article, and still continue to listen in order to reply, rather than understand. You'd better be ready for a storm when you come back. (When your colleague rang, I had to steel myself, and remind myself of our conversation. You'd tell me if we couldn't work together any longer...does that still stand?) Hoping against hope that I will see you soon. Feeling things is ugly without a place to put them, and my head is a mess right now.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| 88Butterfly88, LonesomeTonight
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#370
Jul 10, 2018, 08:29 PM
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Can I make a pillow fort in your office and not go to work the rest of this week. Wait...why not?
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| 88Butterfly88, Anastasia~, captgut, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme, SummerTime12, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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| SalingerEsme
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#371
Jul 10, 2018, 09:17 PM
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| growlycat, Lemoncake, Lilana, LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12, WarmFuzzySocks
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#372
Jul 10, 2018, 10:39 PM
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Gosh, I want to tell you more about the conversation w my mom. She also asked me to forgive her, after I'd already told her that I have.
I miss you, I miss "us", tonite... |
| Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12
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#373
Jul 10, 2018, 11:20 PM
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Thank you for the apology, it means a lot.
Also I just found out your kids go to the school RIGHT BY MY HOUSE, where I walk the dogs around the park everyday and also go running. sooo kinda freaking out and wish I didn’t have that info. Now I’m gonna be on edge anytime I go for a walk/run. What are the odds?! |
| Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight
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#374
Jul 10, 2018, 11:29 PM
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my friend asked me what my triggers were so she could know to avoid it... yet she texts me about them anyway... and constantly uses me to vent and never asks how i am... i know she is not treating me like a friend but i love her so much and worry about her constantly, i can't just cut her out of my life. i wish i could ask your advice
__________________
stay afraid, but do it anyway. |
| Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12, WarmFuzzySocks
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#375
Jul 10, 2018, 11:38 PM
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Quote:
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| AnnaBegins, LonesomeTonight, SalingerEsme
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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