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#26
Jul 18, 2018, 10:20 AM
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My previous T's vacations were completely fine.
But this time is much worse... It's the 5th day (still 27 days left) and from the first day I feel really exhausted, my muscles are weak, I have headaches from time to time etc. It's hard to do anything when I feel like that. And of course I'm worried that maybe it's not psychosomatic but something "real". Probably tomorrow I'll go and do a blood test, but the truth is that I often felt like that when something emotional happened. Now, I also have a lot of emotions but I'm not sure if it's better to focus on them and feel them (you now - cry a lot etc.) or try not to think about this at all. Generally, I feel bad that T left me for so long time and I'm not in a good shape now and I have no idea what to do :-/ At the same time she is (probably) happy and relaxed with her family. Unfair!! 
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 CantExplain, justbreathe1994, LonesomeTonight
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#27
Jul 18, 2018, 11:13 AM
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 CantExplain, ElectricManatee
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#28
Jul 19, 2018, 02:33 PM
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He doesn't even have dates yet, I just know a week in August... and it's gonna be at a place where he is "stepping away from life" and no phones, computers etc so I wont be able to have any contact. This will be the first week since we meet 16 months ago we don't talk in some form. I'm freaking out already
he knows it too, he is concerned about me. he knows how i get. I almost broke down yesterday but opted to just stop talking about it instead. He knows some of why Its hard for me... the basic stuff I've told others, but there is one thing I've told no one and I'm unsure I should tell him. After how bad things went in May, I just proceed with caution with feelings related to him talk.... plus it's ridiculous anyway. I'm so overwhelmed but I don't wanna be. His boss offered to see me while he is away but I can't do it, I can't go there and speak to someone knowing he isn't there, I'll be too emotional and I can't let her or anyone know who bad I struggle. He wants me to think of things he can do to make it less painful or tough for me. Sigh.... |
| ElectricManatee, justbreathe1994, LonesomeTonight
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#29
Jul 19, 2018, 02:53 PM
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I'm on day 1 of a 19 day break. It's not because of my t though. It'd because I'm going away with my DH and children. It's still just as hard though. I'll have to stop smoking and eat normally (I have an ED) because of my family. That will be distressing and hard enough but the fact that I'll have to do that without t's support makes it even worse. And I'm convince I'll come back having gained loads of weight because I can't control what I'm eating on holiday and it really bothers me that she will notice this weight gain and judge. We've talked about this and she's tried to make me see that I'm projecting something onto her that she isn't thinking. And we'll be able to talk about that next time. But in the meantime. How will I cope with missing her so much. I've got a stone she's given me and I've decided I can email her once we're at least a week in if I feel like I really need to. We've never discussed whether I can or not but I've emailed her about practical stuff before and asked for reassurance at the same time which she's given me so I'm guessing she probably wouldn't mind.
I feel like I've got my little back up things (emailing her, stone, writing in my journal) for when I'm really missing her or struggling. I suppose I should also try to enjoy my holiday, live in the moment and learn to use other coping strategies that don't involve t in any way. That's real life isn't it. How's everyone else coping with T's holidays this week? |
| justbreathe1994, LonesomeTonight
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| justbreathe1994
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#30
Jul 19, 2018, 04:25 PM
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My T returns from 2 weeks away, sometime this weekend. My session with her is on the 25th. I've mostly been ok, emotionally, but I think that's because I've been physically sick for about 10 days. Tests are pending next week.
But I want to talk to T about it NOW. Last edited by coolibrarian; Jul 19, 2018 at 04:26 PM. Reason: Typos |
| justbreathe1994, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#31
Jul 20, 2018, 02:07 PM
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So, I'm now In the emergency room, where they are looking to see if I have any brain masses or Lyme Disease. It could also be a stroke, but that's unlikely. I wish I could talk to T, but she's still on vacation. She's coming back this weekend, but I do
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| ChickenNoodleSoup, Chummy2, ElectricManatee, justbreathe1994, LonesomeTonight, Merope, precaryous, ruh roh, stormyisland, unaluna
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#32
Jul 20, 2018, 02:08 PM
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Oops, I don't know which day. When I know more about what's going on, I'll leave voicemail for her.
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| justbreathe1994, precaryous
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#33
Jul 21, 2018, 01:15 PM
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Day two of my T's holiday and I am already on the wine and cheesy youtube songs. Bl*ody hell, what have I become?!
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| Chummy2, coolibrarian, justbreathe1994, LonesomeTonight, pepper_mint
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#34
Jul 21, 2018, 01:26 PM
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Hugs, I hope you're OK and it's nothing serious... |
| precaryous
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#35
Jul 21, 2018, 04:55 PM
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| LonesomeTonight
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| LonesomeTonight, ruh roh
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#36
Jul 21, 2018, 06:38 PM
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Plot twist. Next week I’ll be on vacation.
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#37
Jul 22, 2018, 01:17 AM
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Hugs coolibrarian. What happened? Sounds worrying and it's even harder if you've got no support at the moment.
I'm on day 4/19. Ridiculous counting days like this anyway. I'm struggling and really want to talk to t. I feel like such a drain on my family. I can't be a good mum to my children but there's no other way but to keep trying. And can't handle having to eat and feel so fat. And I'm overanalysing last session.. t told me to try and recognise that this is a pattern and that by think I negatively of her or what she might think of me I'm trying to stop myself from review something good = her care and our relationship and good work together. She told me that's my pattern.. stopping myself of getting anything nice or good because I feel I don't deserve it. But I struggle to recognise this. She swears she really likes me and thinks very positively about me and deeply cares about me. I think the fact that she's still not written me the letter she's been promising for weeks means I'm on the bottom of her list of importance and anything to do with me is an unpleasant thing to be avoided at all cost. I might have to email her if this continues all week. Otherwise it'll ruin my holiday and I'll ruin everyone else's. |
| emeraldheart, LonesomeTonight, pepper_mint
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#38
Jul 22, 2018, 03:10 PM
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I'm on day 9/32 and it's not getting better.
Muscle weakness and anxiety every day. Recently, I decided to do a blood test, just to feel a little bit better and you know what... there was something wrong (some blood clots) and they told me that I have to repeat this. It's the first time it happens to me - and it had to be at the time when I really needed to see good blood results! Anyway, you know what's the worst? Last year I didn't care. I knew that I can handle this. If T is not here I don't really need her. And a few weeks ago I finally admitted that I might need people and there is nothing wrong with this, they can help me. And when I felt really dependent on my T - boom - vacation! Now I feel again like 2 years ago when I decided to see a therapist - physically exhausted and with a lot of anxiety :-/ And still 3 weeks of waiting... |
| LonesomeTonight
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#39
Jul 22, 2018, 04:53 PM
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Last night I had a very weird dream about my T, lol. She was still on her trip at her therapy training and I was at the training too. She got very drunk and passed out and I ended up taking care of her. It was really weird but felt nice to take care of her and make sure she was okay.
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| LonesomeTonight
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#40
Jul 22, 2018, 06:01 PM
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I posted this on another thread but I feel it’s better for me to post it here:
I’m missing my T, too. She will be gone two weeks. Trying to stay busy and cope. She lent me a little giraffe statue from her office. I have a picture of her from her business addy online. I have saved her voicemails. But like last year and the year before, I try to imagine her having fun with family members. She told me a little bit about her plans. She brings home the funniest stories- last year she unknowingly left her walking cane on the beach. When T and fam began to drive away she noticed someone driving behind her frantically waving at them. She said she thought, ‘My, the locals are very friendly...’ Im sure she waved back. The man following them commenced honking his horn and thrust the cane out the driver’s side window so T and fam would know why he was following them! Just remembering her tell the story makes me smile. I’m wondering what new stories she will bring home. |
| LonesomeTonight
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#41
Jul 23, 2018, 12:52 PM
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My T didn't even tell me about her vacation
Today I sent her an email because I had to tell her something. I got an automatic reply about that she's on vacation until 9th August. I do have kind of a rupture going on with her. But I saw her 2 weeks ago. She told me to think about when I want a next session and what I want and told me to email her. I had sent her an email about 1,5 week ago. She hadn't replied to that one (also no automatic mail, so). Usually she tells me when she has her vacation. Why didn't she told me when I saw her or why didn't she reply to my email then? Because I had some critism on the therapy and her? Because I didn't agree with her? She is still my T. I feel like I'm left on my own. I trusted her. I feel like I was so wrong about her. Not just because of this, but also about her behaviour in the last few months. I didn't expected this from her. I feel so stupid. It hurts. |
| ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight
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#42
Jul 23, 2018, 02:20 PM
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| LonesomeTonight
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#43
Jul 23, 2018, 02:23 PM
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"So, imnotbroken, how are coping with your T's break?"
"Well, tomorrow is the official first of two days in two weeks that I won't be seeing her, and right now I just wanted to hear her reassuring voice telling me it'll be okay. Instead, I reached out to youtube and searched for her husband's channel just to listen to her voice". It's going great!!!!!
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#44
Jul 23, 2018, 02:23 PM
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I am having some neurological symptoms which are troubling, i.e., shakiness and trouble speaking, which were thought to be a reaction to an antibiotic I took over a year ago, but now I'm thinking maybe it's something else. I see my PCP on Thursday. I'll see my T on Wednesday, and I hope I'll be able to actually SPEAK to her. Stay tuned.
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| imnotbroken, LonesomeTonight
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#45
Jul 24, 2018, 08:11 PM
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Complete hell. He was supposed to just do 1 week, now it's two and its tomorrow. No warning. Just dropped this on me tonight. I had no idea how to react, I'm actually so sick right now I almost crashed driving home.
No way I'll make it. I'm already planning to tell him I quit. I can't do this **** anymore. He wont even have any contact during that time. NOTHING, and since we met, I've spoken to him at least 2x a week in some form. I wish I had never met him. |
| ElectricManatee, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, Lrad123, Merope, SalingerEsme, stormyisland
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#46
Jul 24, 2018, 08:36 PM
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EMDR T will be on vacation next week. As we were concluding our appointment she told me if I need added support to reach out as she knows I am struggling. Will not take her up on the offer unless absolutely necessary. She is going out of state to visit family.
__________________
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| LonesomeTonight
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#47
Jul 24, 2018, 10:10 PM
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That's really scary. During the times when you can't speak, can you write? If so, maybe write out what's going on first, then bring a notepad or something where you can write responses to questions, if you're concerned about speaking to PCP. You could do the same with T, too. I know you mentioned that they ruled out Lyme, but many tests miss it, so it could still be that (one of my friends had chronic Lyme and had difficulty getting a diagnosis). If you have no luck with your PCP, you could try an integrative doctor, since they'll do different tests. Good luck! |
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#48
Jul 24, 2018, 10:11 PM
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 It really sucks that he gave you no warning and is going to be out of touch all that time, I'm sorry. Stay safe...
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| DP_2017
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#49
Jul 25, 2018, 06:22 AM
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__________________
Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck |
| DP_2017, LonesomeTonight
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#50
Jul 25, 2018, 08:47 AM
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Haven't got anything very helpful to say but just sending hugs. That must be so hard? Were you able to tell him at all how difficult and frustrating you found him telling you so late and time being longer than you thought too? Have you got things you could plan for yourself for those two weeks to keep you busy? |
| DP_2017, LonesomeTonight
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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