Couch 172: Couch me if you can

Exactly so.

You got this!

I am realizing this and starting to live it. Especially because I fully understand that he may never decide to change himself. If and when this becomes too much for me to live with, I will leave and continuing to work on myself now will ensure that I will be strong enough to do so if and when the time comes.

Art has spoken.

Blessed be the name of Art!

hahaha!

I am going for a post in the church of unaluna, don't y'know.

Strange day. I woke up this morning and got really overwhelmed with emotions about everything that happened and after crying for over an hour I decided I was going to drive to the forest. I had planned all this out in my head a few days earlier and I had shared some of it with my therapist. I don't know if I was going to follow through, but I was going out there and I would figure it out once there. My therapist was planning to call me at noon and said he would email if that changed. I wasn't planning on telling him where I was unless he asked specifically, but he emailed me around 11 am and asked if that time was still okay. I responded that it was and that I would be somewhere where there was cell reception at noon (so maybe part of me wanted him to know that I was out). Then he emailed me back saying he would be a few minutes late and he was worried that I was out driving since this was something we had discussed on Friday and would I consider turning around so we could meet in person. This really surprised me. He's been telling me lately there's only so much he can do for me and then he offers to see me on the weekend? When he called he asked where I was and I told him I was about 3 hours away. He asked me to come back and meet with him and that he really wanted to be there for me. I told him that this seemed way out of bounds of things he could do for me, but he disagreed. I felt really bad that he was offering to meet me on a Saturday, but also I felt a lot of care that he offered to do that. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it, but I finally reluctantly agreed. We met. It felt kind of awkward and he said some stuff that I'm not sure how to take, but he thanked me for doing this like 5 times so I guess he didn't feel put out or anything. He's going to call me again tomorrow morning.

I'm not sure how I feel about letting him talk me out of it. I'm still here in the same place I was when I left this morning.

You know the first rule of the Church of Unaluna?

“Thou shalt have no therapists besides me.”

Well I don't. It's just a different me.

Hugs, NP. It's great that your T was able to be there for you today. I understand your feeling guilty or conflicted about it, but it seems that he really cares and wanted to be there for you. Please stay safe...

"Cooperation, not competition."

The second rule is, “Never miss a chance to do the limbo.”

Thats why we have this stick!

uh oh i've never been good at limbo!

Good for you! I figured I was probably missing information, and as long as you feel good about it--then that is awesome. I am not trying to judge or put you down or make you feel bad, by the way.
Wow! I am really glad your T reached out that way. REALLY glad. I am so glad you are still here, and that he was there for you today.

The rule doesn’t say you have to do the limbo well!

one advantage that sort people have (i wasn't even that great despite my shortness...)

You can play the drum!

Ooh do I also get to wear long, flowy, gauzy dresses and beads and stuff?

If you also grow your hair out, wear a hairband, and walk around with your eyes half-closed.

Eta: they keep advertising this workout at my gym. Seems tailor-made for art.

Ive seen that! I almost bought the dvd. Then i remembered i dont like noise. You kids get off my lawn.

slightly different kind of drumming, but it looks fun!!

I have done the pound workout stuff - it is fun.

Tomorrow I am going to try to build a cheaper goal zero yeti type system with solar for a small power station with an extra battery to extend the time.

I am not knowledgable about electrical stuff at all but this is a small set up and if I get it to work I will be incredibly puffed up.

"The Yeti 150 offers portable energy with a wide variety of applications. Whether it's a USB-chargeable device, a 12V consumer or a device with euro plug - they all can be charged with the Yeti 150. The Goal Zero Yeti 150 can also be charged by connecting a compatible solar panel."

Yes - that is the sort of thing - the model I am going to diy is based on the yeti 400. It is known as the poor man's yeti.

With H at urgent care. 11x hospital, 1x urgent care, countless doctor appointments: 2 cardiologist, 1 ent, 2 gastroenterologists, and 2 primary doctors which he has seen maybe 5 times? I'm starting to hate my H. He's become so paranoid and needy. I can't handle this! I keep doing it because I'm afraid the one time I don't take him will be the one time it's a true emergency. But he's wearing me down. I don't have much empathy left.

I need my T! Her and my dogs are my only reasons for living now.