Couch 172: Couch me if you can

Is there a bathroom or water fountain you could get up to use and then sit somewhere different?

There is! Yes! Brilliant idea! Thank you.

If they are calling people in the order that I think they are then there are only 2 more people ahead of me. It seems like hey have certain representatives assigned to certain tasks. Maybe I’ll be out of here in an hour. I don’t know why I didn’t do this 8 years ago when I first got my name changed on my license. Now my sister told me if I am going to get a corporate job that for tax purposes it will delay and cause problems if everything does not match.

I want panic attacks to stop. Had them regular most of the day but somehow hid them from people at work.

Art -could this be what is happening?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...u-re-being-you

I've actually done this before and now I'm wondering what the other person was thinking. The reason I did it, though, is the gym had different models of machines and I had a particular machine that I liked. I would grab that machine regardless of whether someone was using the one next to it or not. If they were all the same, I would pick an isolated one too.

Boy you know the (accessible) literature. Youve lawyerized psychology. Respect.

Yeah, these are all the same in that particular row. They have another kind but they’re all in their separate row.

Maybe I should just get used to the fact that I don’t understand people. At least not on a micro level.

I got up to the window and the guy said “This is not your service office based on your location but I am going to help you anyway today”.
He said it as if he was doing me a favor. I said to him
“Excuse me, but you can replace yourself and get a supervisor over here because I don’t care much for your attitude. As long as you are getting a paycheck at the end of the week then yes, you are going to put this request through and no it’s not a favor-it’s your job”

He shut up, did it and told me at the end to have a nice day. He got the wrong girl today. Pull that crap with someone else. Not me.

Yep I just ended getting up walking to the flight board then just sitting somewhere else. My flight was delayed by a hour.

I saw R today, I cried. I paid in cash as opposed to online , but not for the session that I missed. I told him that I was going on holiday, when I really didn't and was just acting out. I said I would pay if he said to, but he said it was enough to just acknowledge that I missed a session.

The room before used to be blank, but he's added a bookshelf with books. A white rose plant and stones. I want to ask him if I could have one. .

I love him so much. He thanked me for the cake. I said thank for the tissues.xD

So, if you gave your T permission to talk to your p-doc, and then you asked your T what he told p-doc, and he said just two things and what they were...but then when you went to see your p-doc, she mentioned something else major he talked about regarding you...would that bother you? Trying to decide how to approach this with T tomorrow...had I not point blank asked him "Did you talk about anything else?" it would be different. But I feel like he wasn't honest with me. (This is the first time they've talked, incidentally.)

But I also don't want to turn this into a big thing. It's more I want to know going forward if he'll be open and honest about what he shares--if he's not OK with that, I might just revoke communication privileges.

Thank you. I was going "aha" a lot reading the article! I'm going to look at this guy's books.

He was waiting for me! i always fall for that line!

I cant believe you said that to him and SURVIVED!!! I am the wimpiest of wimps. Thanks, mom!

I don’t see how or why the therapist would just outright lie considering he knew you were going to the Pdoc. I guess I would just approach like
“Hey T, so I saw PDoc. Do you recall when I asked you what you two talked about and you said this and this? Well Pdoc said you also discussed (insert here the 3rd thing they discussed) I’m wondering why you didn’t mention that when I asked you because it is a major topic”

See what he says and go from there...

Thanks, that seems like a good approach. It could be that forgot he'd mentioned it to her or that he thought he told me before--he doesn't have the world's greatest memory (and he admits it). Like I don't want to go in assuming ill intent or being accusatory, because what does that solve? Plus it's something I'd discussed with p-doc in the past (drinking), so not like it's some huge secret I was keeping. For all I know, she asked him about it, and he just answered.

LT- I would go in and give him the benefit of the doubt. Casually mention to him, hey I was talking to pdoc and she mentioned you talked about x topic and that surprised me as you told me that you talked about x and x topic.

Yes, I am not sure how others would react but as for me-if I was the T and you approached me in a way similar to what I wrote, I would not think you are accusing me of lying-just inquiring.

I love this song:

Great song....

Little bit on the nose for me at the moment, but...

My stomach is acting up today.

I also have a feeling of impending doom. I feel like I am going to lose my job. I am not sure why. I am not even there this week. I am off so I’m not sure where that is coming from but it’s a very escalated level of anxiety that I’ve haven’t felt in quit a long time and I’m not even sure that there is a situation that caused it other than me somehow thinking I am going to get fired (for no reason). Beats me. Just my crazy brain. Also, it was really not smart that I’ve gone back and read about Ex-T.

Art, I hope I don't offend you but.... Are you sure you'd rather be with a woman or is it that you'd rather be with J from long ago? (one specific woman, maybe "the one who got away," rather than a woman in the general sense)

No offense taken, you're fine... It's both if that makes sense. When I think about J yeah it's about her. But spending time with my sister and her wife recently, well, it really stirred something in me and ever since I've been feeling a kind of longing just in general? That started before the fight with h. If that makes any sense.

Art, also with the physical improvements you’ve made lately..dropping weight, wearing nicer clothes, more confident..that could also be sending mixed signals to H and he might be going on the defense. So, you’ve grown emotionally and spiritually and shrunk physically and he’s still in the same spiral.
This whole thing could be two-fold.. like MP just said... you may be missing the one who got away and your H could be thinking he’s got the one that’s gonna get away. Though I think if he really wanted to work on it than he would agree to try everything aka marriage counseling.

Jersey, could the anxiety maybe be about applying for corporate jobs? Like on some level your current employer would "know" and fire (punish) you for it? Not logical, but hell, when are brains logical?

This is starting to make a whole lot of sense. H insisted we fix the a/c in my car shortly before my recent trip. (I really didn't mind not having it.) So we spent the $$ and got it fixed. Then while I was out of town, he put a radio in my car (which it didn't have either and I also didn't care about and never asked him to do.) He said he thought I was punishing myself by suffering without them. I said I didn't feel that way, it really didn't bother me not having either as my commute to work is not that long and I preferred spending $ elsewhere (ahem like on therapy) rather than on my car. Maybe he does feel threatened somehow by all the changes I've made esp the physical ones.