Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something...Part XXXIV

Aug 13, 2018, 08:29 PM

I wanna get my painting done before I come Thursday so I can show it to you... but I'm kinda afraid to start it...

atisketatasket · Aug 13, 2018, 08:37 PM

Dear Piaf,

Oh, well, so much for that. C’est la vie.

ATAT

CantExplain · Aug 13, 2018, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I wanna get my painting done before I come Thursday so I can show it to you... but I'm kinda afraid to start it...

There will be other Thursdays. You can't hurry art! You can't hurry, Art!

unaluna · Aug 13, 2018, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

There will be other Thursdays. You can't hurry art! You can't hurry, Art!

CE, you are Supreme!

Cantfindthewords · Aug 13, 2018, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'm hearing that you love her and hate her. (Fair enough. I've been there. Still there, in fact.)

Yep. I’m just hurting right now. I’m being irrational but feelings are feelings....

Lilana · Aug 14, 2018, 12:54 AM

Be nice with me today, please?

LabRat27 · 03:45 AM

Possible trigger:

I'm sitting in my car across the street from a CVS trying to decide whether I want to go in and buy razor blades.

How would you respond if I tell you about this and I hadn't bought them? What if I bought them but didn't use them? What if I did use them? Would you be disappointed in me? Would you abandon me again?
I should just ask you tomorrow... You gave me your word that you'd be honest with me. But part of me wants to test it to know for sure.
Part of me wants to show you that I'm not as strong as you think I am and you shouldn't have faith in me because I'll continue to let everyone down. Will you stick around once you see what you're really dealing with?

I still haven't made up my mind. I hate this. Why can't I just let myself get better?

Edit: I bought the razor blades but I'm not going to cut. I'm going to draw on myself and be gentle towards myself and write kind compassionate things on myself.
God, what the f*** has therapy done to me? Who am I? Seriously wtf. I wouldn't have even considered doing this a few months ago. We definitely need to talk about this tomorrow though. I'm going to choose to communicate using my words instead of acting out. Ugh.

growlycat · Aug 14, 2018, 03:27 AM

What am I going to do with you. It’s a good thing I’m a grown azz woman with a reasonable handle on my life.

captgut · Aug 14, 2018, 04:21 AM

If I was seeing you weekly, I would be seeing you today.
But I have to wait 2 more weeks

I hope you're enjoying your vacation

LostOnTheTrail · Aug 14, 2018, 04:37 AM

I'm struggling, but I am going to stick to my self-imposed deadline. Would be great to hear from you before the 20th, though.

Lemoncake · Aug 14, 2018, 07:28 AM

Dear T,

Possible trigger:

I love you more than anything but we both that I'll never be your lover.

Maybe that's part of the problem, with where I am right now.

junkDNA · Aug 14, 2018, 07:37 AM

I think I'm finally ready to leave you

Aug 14, 2018, 07:38 AM

T, your vacation, I'll be fine... As always... Sigh. I don't think you appreciate the stupid pain of being attached to you and you being out of contact. I know, I know. I'm supposed to soothe myself better, use imagery and all that. I know. I just hate it, OK? It's just like maladaptive daydreaming and fantasy I engaged myself in throughout my entire damn life. That it's "fake", "not real"etc. I rely on the memory of imagery exercises. Meaning yes I use them like you want. But the active ingredient isn't so much the imagery but your willingness to construct it with me. And yeah yeah I don't understand how imagery rescripting works, I accept that it's evidence based and works for a lot of people. Even though I really damn struggle to generate imagery much less "be in the imagery".

Aug 14, 2018, 08:18 AM

Hi L. I wish I could come see you today and Thursday both this week. I've been up since 3am-ish because I can't sleep, this work is so hard right now, but I'm not going to run away from it. I wanna call you and ask to come today or tomorrow but I know myself I know I won't.

Aug 14, 2018, 08:24 AM

One of those times again my dear t that I wish you would read my mind and contact me and ask if I want to come twice this week since you're out next week...

Aug 14, 2018, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Dear T,

Maybe that's part of the problem, with where I am right now.

These feelings are so very powerful, raw and agonising to experience, Lemoncake. Hugs if you want some. I know how it feels. Even though we can read and hear Ts say "you will find someone who can reciprocate", it's still so painful.

lucozader · Aug 14, 2018, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

These feelings are so very powerful, raw and agonising to experience, Lemoncake. Hugs if you want some. I know how it feels. Even though we can read and hear Ts say "you will find someone who can reciprocate", it's still so painful.

Yeeeeeep... It's the f***ing worst. ((Cake))

Lemoncake · Aug 14, 2018, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuietMind

These feelings are so very powerful, raw and agonising to experience, Lemoncake. Hugs if you want some. I know how it feels. Even though we can read and hear Ts say "you will find someone who can reciprocate", it's still so painful.

( 8 characters)

Aug 14, 2018, 09:31 AM

I'm sending you mental messages haha

Lemoncake · Aug 14, 2018, 09:45 AM

@@ I think I found a Netflix show you might like it's called Dark. It[s about a missing boy and yesterday and today not being consecutive!

Aug 14, 2018, 09:53 AM

Iwanttotalktoyouuuuuuuuuu

LostOne369 · Aug 14, 2018, 09:54 AM

Some of my younger parts want to talk to you but I'm not sure how to ask. It didn't happen in therapy yesterday.

Aug 14, 2018, 11:25 AM

Yousaidonetimeyouheardmypsychedoyouhearitnow???????????

Cantfindthewords · Aug 14, 2018, 12:57 PM

Thank you for finally emailing back. Your second reply was a bit of a fob off. I get it, your life rocks and you are on holiday. I’m just an inconvenience, I suck, this sucks. I seriously need to re-evaluate this whole “therapy” thing. I know your rolling your eyes when replying, but you have to reply, because you want my money. You don’t actually care.

Aug 14, 2018, 01:13 PM

I know you can't but I wish you could.

Menu

Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something...Part XXXIV

My Support Forums