What can I do to help you

When you are struggling does your T ask you if they do anything to help you. If they do what types of things would you say?

EMDR T has asked me this a few times lately. At my last appointment she asked if there was anything she could do to help me get through the week as she knows I am really having a hard time. I have no idea what to even ask for

Oh my gosh! My second T who I love to pieces, used to ask me this all the time. And it was so frustrating because I had no clue. I used to tell her, if I knew what would be helpful I would be doing it! So sometimes she would ask me if I needed more contact, did I need her to be more directive, stuff like that. I would take her up on some of her suggestions if I thought they would be useful but I never could think of any suggestions of my own.

I am especially torn because I am so afraid of relying on her too much for support. I know she wants to help and like her a lot and need help but... .

I also never know what to say - like, what is a reasonable thing to ask? She’ll usually throw out some suggestions and whatever strikes me, I’ll ask her to elaborate on.

Yes, she asks this of me. She suggests prayer, getting out in nature, writing, yoga or other exercise (even though she knows this is difficult for me physically), listening to music, meditating, etc. She says I should pay attention to what's going on, so that if I start to slide into The Pit, I can resist it, before it gets too bad. If I've been struggling for a long time, she might suggest I ask my PDoc about dosage changes.

I just thought of something else. For a long time, I was wanting "more" from T, but I could not put into words what "more" looked like.

After my book was published (I gave her the first copy!), she told me that she was proud of me...suddenly things fell into place, as THAT's what my "more" looked like! That was a genuine feeling, coming from her. I hadn't asked her to be proud of me. I hadn't even asked her to say Anything about it. It was a spontaneous admission from her.

I'm not sure whether this is helpful, but anyways... My T asked me this a few hours ago. I said there wasn't anything that he could do (which I still believe to be true). T asked why I thought that. I said because he can't change the source of my issues. He said it's not about changing the issues, it's about me. I don't remember what I ended up replying, but I made him worried enough to give me constant twice a week sessions until I'm better...

If you don't know what would make you feel better, I think that you do not know is also a valid answer. It's hard to say a lot of times. Your T might have suggestions if you don't know what to do, and maybe one of them can be discussed.

I get that. When I published a book of my poems a few years ago t actually squealed with delight haha and said "I'm so proud of you!" which my inner young self SO needed to hear for once because as a child I never did....

For awhile I was struck mute when T asked, "how can I help?" Many times this question was asked before I said, "what are the options? What can you actually do?"

He doesn't ask this question anymore, just like the "where in your body do you feel that?" one. I suppose I could have said, stop asking this freaking dumb questions, and it would have stopped. But with me, this goes nowhere.

Lol. I’m always perplexed by the “where in your body do you feel it” question. Is that actually helpful for anyone?

I've been asked this once maybe twice, I was floored both times in his or what to respond. Actually one time she asked me and I was feeling really emotional and felt like breaking down in tears and I just wanted her to sit a little closer, I just couldn't answer that, so I didbt respond. I struggle to ask snyone for anything so I suppose I shouldn't have seen me answering any other way than I don't know, I kinda kicked myself for not saying it. Anything she's never asked again since that day? But I hope if she does, I can find myself being able to tell her the truth, whatever the need might be that time

Not for me, AT ALL. Luckily my T isn't that type of T to ask me that. When I tried EMDR, she asked all the time, and my answer was always "I don't know!"

My T does ask if there is anything she can do to help when I am particularly frustrated or upset, but I never know what to say.

It was actually a pretty useful question for me when I first started therapy and had a really hard time putting my emotions into words. Pinpointing where I was feeling the emotions actually helped me differentiate between them. Honestly, it's still a useful question for me even if I do feel silly being asked it. And I get that it's not for everyone.

Now... "What can I do to help you?" That I don't think I've ever had a good answer for!

I tend to be pretty specific about what I want...but I've been in therapy for a long time and try to pay attention when something helps. If I was going through a temporary hard time, I might say something like "Would it be ok if I emailed you on Wed or Thur? And would you be willing to send me an encouraging response so I know you are there?" If it's more of a long term thing, I might say, "it helps if I know someone understands what I'm going through, so it's useful when you are empathetic." Or if I'm having trouble talking or explaining something, I might say "It would help if you would ask more questions."

If it's a short term problem (I'm having an especially bad week) then I think they are probably asking because they really want to be supportive. But if it's sort of a general out of the blue question, I would suspect they were asking because they didn't know if what they were doing is helping. Either way I think it's worth being as specific as you can be, because a lot of therapists never ask and it's nice when they do.

I HATE that question. Whenever we do EMDR T always ask and I tell her I dislike it.

The other on is "on a scale of 1 to ten rate your depression/ pain/ anxirty.

Maybe I should say that could allow me to email her. 😉 I understand why she feels thay way but it is really hard.

Interesting. My therapist, as far as I can remember, never asked me that. Though once, she looked down and said, "I'm sorry this is happening. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you."

My book is poetry, too.

My T will occasionally start a session with the query "what would help?" I hate that question. Like others have said, I don't know the answer and if I did I would be doing it. She seems to ask that question on the days when I'm already feeling bereft and unsure of what to talk about. I think she's heard my frustration though, she hasn't asked it in a while.

Good thing my T never asks this. I don't think she'd be up for coming to work with me 10 hours a day.