Trying no contact between sessions this week.

I could not refrain. I emailed him that I went to the lake and walked. He replied back almost immediately. Not happy with what he said: [I]"So whats next? A new adventure every week is the goal. It can be small, close by, and easy, but a new experience is what to aim for./I]....As I do not want to go out if I do not have to.

Email can just be so painful. It would have been nice for him to celebrate the accomplishment and smile with you for a sec. At least, when they do push hard for positive forward motion, it is bc they care about progress usually. I think there can be times that going at the client's pace gets overcome by their sense of destination?

Does this in some small way reinforce your decision not to email him though? The response was SO unsatisfying and disappointing that there was little "reward" in initiating contact. I think it's awesome that you feel ready to take both of these new steps, the lake and the no in-between contact. The fact that it's extremely hard some of the time doesn't mean that it's the wrong thing to do. You are brave.

My situation is different but this is what has happened with me.T and I use to email quite a bit sometimes about therapy things sometimes about unrelated things. If I was struggling I could always email. New T does not do email. I can text her but I feel like she only wants me to use it if I am really struggling. I have a few times, when T passed and when I left an appointment disassociated and needed help grounding.

So in between sessions I put up a wall in order to cope with everything. I write emails T expressing what I am feeling and my thoughts. Then instead of hitting send I hit save. So it almost feels like I am still working with T. It is hard because when I go to see EMDR T that wall is still up. So some of the connection is no longer there but we still seem to be able to work through some if my issues.

Wow, agreed--he didn't even acknowledge your accomplishment at all in the email? I'd feel hurt by that. It's a big step.

Emails are really hard to express and understand real emotions with and can end up causing more negative reactions for us. I hate somedays that my T wont reply if I email, so I don't bother but at the same time, it's good. I think I'm doing much better journaling and talking in person. I don't get weighted down with the misunderstandings or dismissive replies.

I'm sorry the reply was not what you hoped.... but what you did was great! Small step but it was still noteworthy. Good for you

I did not have an issue with the reply. I just did not realize that he was going to keep challenging me each week.

I did not copy the salutation with the email. He started with "Wahoo! Great" So he did acknowledge it.

I wonder if he would consider me meeting strange men for sex once a week as a challenge? I just created a profile on Adult Friend Finders to chat and flirt with different men. Well that sure does distract me.

Well ok I did sign up on Adult Friend Finder and well my old boarderline trait of getting what I need from men has come back in full force. I have been flirting with him for days now and I agreed to meet him in a public place Friday before I decide to go have sex with him. I have not thought about T at all. I almost feel normal from the high I am getting from this. I think I might talk to T about this I am not sure because this person I have never met, is having a huge pull on me and I am becoming very obsessive.

I think it would be good if you brought it up with T.

Hey, it's totally up to you but is your self imposed boundary to great for you at this time? Has it pushed you into potentially unsafe behaviour. How about writing a huge long email to your T instead of seeing this person. Or maybe both? It seems like you are acting out to punish t and your self cause the boundary imposition was so great. Be safe whatever you do.

I also think you should discuss this with your T.

What prompted you to sign up? Was it a spur of the moment thing, or have you been playing with the idea for a while? I'm just curious because this seemed to have come out of nowhere? Is it related to your attempt to have no contact between sessions?

Not sure how to even articulate this in an email.

Please do not tell me to print my thread out and give it to him.

My sister texted me a picture a Fireman from NY sent her of the floods in NC as the NY firemen went down to assist. She is separated from her husband so I was kind of taken about wondering how she was talking to a NY Fireman. She said she met him on Adult Friend Finders. Ok I said, I want that kind of connection and attention and I will sign up and stick my toes in the water. I was flooded with messages from tons of men and had to weed them out. It was easy to weed them out. My criteria was:
1. If your profile picture is your penis in your hand you are out.
2 If your user name is something like "Hardcockforyou" you are out.
3. If your first message to me is, "Hey you are hot want to screw?" you are out.

So one stood out because he sent a normal picture of him hiking and talked about his similar situation and was looking to just connect and chat online. It felt safe and I like the attention.

Really it just happened so fast.

Since starting to talk with him almost constantly, I have not even thought about T, or yearned for him, or have been depressed or any other mental health issues I had to deal with. This has been like a drug and I feel so charged I can sleep.

I had similar experiences with finding people I like online and then communicating all the time. It can indeed be very much like a drug and I had issues with it that were quite similar to my substance addiction - it became a distraction and sometimes had negative consequences (keeping me from dealing with important problems in my life). I felt similar urges with my therapists as well. So, the actual people in this pattern are quite easy to replace. Now I very consciously try to moderate this, even regarding this forum, which can serve a similar role for me if I engage compulsively. Also, I now have mainly one long-term online friend with whom I communicate on almost a daily basis (sometimes we have breaks), but that became a genuine relationship and it feels very secure and truly like a friendship, not drug taking. We actually met on an addiction recovery website and went through phases in the past when the interactions were too obsessive and distracting.

Ah, I can relate. A new relationship often feels intoxicating to me too. Everything is new and intriguing! It could be an interesting topic for therapy.

I told my T that I always used men like drugs. Kept them around when I could use them to get high. Tossed them aside as soon as they got boring. I intentionally quit doing that when I started therapy.

Do you feel relieved that you're no longer thinking about and yearning for your T?

Actually it is a complete turn out. I do not thin of him at all now.

So I told him. He said "Good for you!" except I have been on a complete high. I have not been able to sleep, focus on work, studying. He questioned me if I felt I would do drugs or drive my car fast......I looked at him like a puppy with their head cocked from a high pitched noise. I do not do anything that would crash my car as i need it for my work and I an crazy about eating and working out so no drugs. I did say it was intoxicating and erotic and sure is filling a empt void i have been trying to fill all this time. He said it does the same thing as cutting. Then he goes off on to asking me what age does this part feel like when I felt that "high" come on. I did say I felt young again like a teenager. Then he said what would your best adult self say to the teenager about the situations to stay safe because I have been on the fence about giving this guy my cell # instead of chatting on that site.

He made it clear that he is not telling me what I am doing is the wrong decision as it might be the right decision but it depends on the motives behind it.