I'm facing it. I've been in therapy 2.5 years now. I don't think im going to get better. i'm still struggling with the same things. I'm still having problems everywhere and pushing my T away. This is so scary.

[lenjan]

(((((((EV)))))) I was in therapy for 8 years nonstop and it took at least 3 or 4 before I felt like I was getting anywhere. A change of therapists helped.

I bet you've made a lot of progress you just don't see. Hang in there.

[old_one]

Maybe talking to a different T would help. You may just not be connecting. Personalities mean a lot. You need someone that you will not be pushing away but will be turning to.

Good luck, and don't loose hope.

[SweetCrusader]

((((((((((((((((Ev)))))))))))))))))))))

I hear you, girl. I've been in therapy for like 4 years, and still dealing with a lot of the same stuff. Lately I've been wondering if I've reached the end of the road with this T (a thought that breaks my heart). You know what, though? I think I have made progress... I just forget about it when I get down again. Maybe you should ask your T to talk with you about the progress you might have made without really even being aware of it? Does she ever give you feedback about where you're at? I really think these are important concerns to share with her.

how do u know that your T isnt discouraged at your progress? I mean.. they wouldnt tell you huh? I worry about that allot :-(

[SweetCrusader]

EV, my T does tell me when I'm not making progress. Has yours ever given you any feedback? (whether that you were or weren't making progress?) I think feedback from T is important, though sometimes can be hard to take. (Sometimes feels really good, too, though!)

[jacq10]

(((((((((EV)))))))))
I really don't think that Therapy has a certain time sensitive period to mark whether or not you are making progress. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether or not we are making progress because we experience everything so gradually in therapy. Can you ask your T his/her opinion?
Hang tight

[MissCharlotte]

((Esther))

Hang in there. Don't give up. Sometimes we can't see the progress becaue we are still in so much pain. I just know you've come miles! Can you talk to T about this?

Yes, i bet I will be talking about some of the same things in another year because I am me, after all. And you are you!

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how do u know that your T isnt discouraged at your progress? I mean.. they wouldnt tell you huh? I worry about that allot

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I'm sorry your are worrying so. that's just what I did...... and then...... T. said that I'm one of those "lose-lose situations"...... ouch I tried so hard not to run but after hearing that-- my old "loser" tapes took over in deafening volume!

I think maybe through all this, I've learned that if I do ever get a new therapist, I'm going to try to just take care of me and not the therapist's interests too. Sometimes I felt I was walking on ice that could break any minute.... I had to say the "right" things to keep the ice together(to appease my T.) and then that sometimes left me on an island of ice surrounded by water with nowhere to go.

Therapy can be so difficult for some. Not sure how it is for you but, I tend to have difficulties with bonding and trust.... so it can make for a rough time. Want so bad to be accepted and helped but worry I'll be too much of a burden.

Just do the best that you can do and know in your heart that you are trying.

mandy

[heyjoe]

that was an excellant post mandyfins very well said

Yes, I feel similar to you mandyfins. I voiced some hurt in my last session. Yes, SweetCrusader occassionally she gives me feedback but it usually either you are making feedback or you are blocking progress. This last week it was the later. But I was hurt, and then she said I was making feedback. I'm worried she really doesnt think so. Thank you also jaqs and sister. I know progress can be slow ... Its just I'm worried it wont ever come around.

Esther,
HOLD ON!! Hang in there!


YOU can do this!

[Perna]

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esthersvirtue said:
how do u know that your T isnt discouraged at your progress? I mean.. they wouldnt tell you huh? I worry about that allot :-(

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Therapy is a process and you often don't see anything week-to-week (or even month-to-month. I was in therapy for 9 years twice! Think of your first session and sessions now and how less "afraid" you are and how you have a better clue what sorts of things to talk about, what "hurts" (whereas at first, everything hurt :-) It's the difference between first grade and high school, not first grade and second, grade to grade doesn't seem that different to us.

T's WILL tell you if you if they're unhappy. No one wants to work at something that isn't getting them anything; T's don't work just for the money; no one can work at a job for very long that they don't like.

[justpassingby]

Hi EV,

I know how you feel, as I've been in therapy now for 2 years and nothing much has changed. My husband is worse to me, more cold and uncaring and feed up with my illness and my weight gain. I don't work anymore since last year when I got diagnosed correctly from Major Depression to Bipolar Disorder I, rapid cycling. I feel like a failure to everyone. I have time on my hands and I don't even go visit my mother who is 84 very often. I only call her on the phone everyday and that is a chore. The same story I hear every day about her conditions. I feel like a horrible daughter for doing and thinking that. I don't spend enough time with my 10 year old son and that makes me feel so guilty and depressed. I guess I almost covered it all that I feel I've failed at. Hell, I even failed at a suicide attempt. I guess I'm meant to stay here on earth just to suffer like everyone with BP illness.

I sure hope I didn't depress you more by my post. I'm supposed give hope and carry the light to another sufferer. Please forgive me for venting out.

[Mouse_]

{{EV}}

Aw Sweetie, I'm sorry you are hurting. Life sucks sometimes. I worry sometimes that I'm not getting better too. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get better :-( I do think, though, that when times are rough I tend to forget the good times. And when times are good then I tend to forget the bad times. But when times are rough it feels like my life is always like this and there really isn't any hope.

I'm sure you have made some progress. It is just that maybe it is hard to see that progress from where you are standing right now. Hang in there. Things will get better. Gently does it.

[__zh]

we know that you'll keep getting better EV. it is hard to keep faith when facing such difficult issues in therapy. you'll find there is a rhythm to therapy when you've found someone good to work w/. by that meaning a good fit for you...not what anyone else thinks.

it can be awfully scary to tally up the years we've spent in and out of therapy. yet we're so grateful we've stuck w/ it over time. we've done much important work w/ many different therapists. one size did not fit all for sure!

sorry it is rough right now. we do know that you're going to keep working on this and someday (hopefully sooner than later) you'll be able to clearly see how much work you've accomplished and how far you've come.