Couch 191: The Lazy Caterer Couch

So I had what I felt was a huge revelation this morning. How I’d react if T or H or a friend had said to me some of the things I’d said to myself Friday. That if T had said some of those things, I’d probably have to terminate. Or if a friend had said them, I’d have to end the friendship.

This led to some discussion about CBT techniques that was helpful, to learn to shift the thoughts, but I think we may need to delve into this revelation more Thursday.

Hi Couchies, my boss did not come back to work today. I can handle it, but I was looking forward to her being back, and now she's not. When she does come back, I need a vacation day. I just need a break. HUGS Kit

I am glad you are discussing CBT, it's good for changing ways of thinking, hope it really helps you

and of course you can be that way to yourself. I'm glad you were able to see it that way and maybe you can work on changing it, although it is tough. I'm the exact same way with myself. Baby T discussed positive affirmations and my reply was "Why bother? I'm crap" so I totally understand how you feel. Wish you the best with it all

I'm tired. And I can't decide if I am hot or cold. I keep turning my office heater off and on.

Sorry you had a disappointing session. I'm not really bothered about the haircut. I think something else is bothering me and I'm trying to figure out what. Hopefully I can figure it out by Thursday's session. Maybe it was just being really open about something that I realized about myself (the other post) and maybe I thought it was this huge revelation and wanted him to be like 'Yes, you've got it, huge breakthrough!" or something. Which I guess is me again being disappointed if I don't get a particular response...I think it's partly that it's just sort of a "therapy hangover," where I shared all this stuff and feel vulnerable and want to be able to discuss it more, but now I'm just here by myself with my thoughts. And I will NOT contact him before Thursday, so I just have to sit with it. Instead, I'll try journaling and also look into the CBT exercise he suggested.

I started a new afghan, it's for my friend's daughter, she's 4. Last time I saw her she told me her favorite color is pink, so...

Eta I don't know why Tapatalk put this upside down.

Just did my blood work for the extra liver tests. Seven freaking vials. I’ve never had more than three drawn before. And I have to go back because my doctor wasn’t specific enough about one of the tests she ordered and wasn’t in the office when the tech called to clarify.

Awww. How pretty! She'll like it!

HUGS @@ That sucks...I'm sorry! HUGS Kit

That's beautiful!

@@ I'm so sorry my goodness 7 vials? Eek. I've had 4 and thought that was a lot. I hope they get things figured out quickly for you. Hugs

Thanks scarlet and kit. I need to go find some variegated pinks yarn for some of the rows. What I've done so far is yarn from my stash.

Good lord - do you have any left?

I'm really struggling right now. I hate how terrible I am at therapy. I know I'd never get to the level of comfort I had with T with anyone else, I don't WANT to bond or know anyone else like that.... but damn it makes it hard. I go right into my 'quiet" mode in session, and never say what I need to say, just let him talk. Now all the **** I WANTED to discuss is popping back up

What is wrong with me? Also why can't I just stop caring about T and move on already?

This is when I wish email was an option with Baby T, I could at least email how I feel after this session and all that jazz. Oh well.... maybe my break will do me good.

((NP))
Yes, I have done that. Sometimes writing it out helps, and sometimes it feels like it’s too much somehow. Therapy feels like that sometimes too.

I hope your session goes well.

At least it sounds like they are being thorough with the tests. How long until you start to get results back?

Probably about a week for today’s. The one I have to go back for, I assume the same for when I eventually get it.

Yay, I'm getting a refund on my taxes. It's not huge but IDK as long as I don't owe anything. =) Kit

I don't know if to "stop caring" is ever really possible.

After bloodwork I had my annual gynecology checkup. The receptionist had a bowl of M&Ms at her desk. The flavor? Jalapeño.

I did not try one. She said they didn’t taste like jalapeños.

He has. So yes it's possible. I want to move on like he has. I hate being stuck in this.

Today I'm going to talk to Mr T about loving and hating someone at the same time.

Thats just plain crazy 🤯

No wait, i meant that for CE

Let me know if he says anything useful.

Odi et amo. quare id faciam fortasse requiris.
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

“I hate and I love. Perhaps you ask why I do this.
I don’t know, but I feel it happening and I am tormented.”—Catullus 85

Would journaling about all these thoughts, and bringing it in help you?
You don't know T stopped caring. I think it is more likely he cared TOO much and therefore cut off contact.