[retro_chic]

I just finished my session with the new T I’ve been seeing and I’m quite annoyed. We’re doing psychodynamic therapy (something that should be weekly) and even though it’s only been 5 sessions my schedule has been quite disrupted. Firstly, I have had to shift my work to 1hr earlier to get to the appointment, okay fine. I thought that the appointment was going to be the same day every week but T can’t do that so it is Tuesday one week and Wednesday the next. This has all been tolerable until tonight at the end of session when she said someone else was booked in for next Tuesday AND Wednesday. I don’t know how her scheduling works but with past Ts my appointment time has been kept for me and never given to someone else. Now I have to miss that week entirely. I didn’t have therapy last week either because T took the week off as “self care”. Am I being dramatic or is this situation unacceptable?

One a seperate topic, T teared up in session when I told her something that wasn’t even that upsetting to me and I was quite put off by it. I am thinking of quitting this T tbh.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

It is perfectly valid to be upset and annoyed. Ts are supposed to be consistent and reliable. Not doing so shows a lack of professionalism and a lack of understanding or care about the needs of the client.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by HowDoYouFeelMeow?

It is perfectly valid to be upset and annoyed. Ts are supposed to be consistent and reliable. Not doing so shows a lack of professionalism and a lack of understanding or care about the needs of the client.

Also, I forgot to mention this T has a 5 DAY cancelation policy :O. I asked what happens if I'm sick and she said usually she's able to reschedule for another time that week. I mean she can't even keep a consistent time for me so I really doubt she would be able to reschedule should I need to. I don't see why I should be held to such high standards when she doesn't hold up her end of the deal.

[Pennster]

She doesn’t seem to take her responsibility to her clients very seriously, while regarding her own needs as very important. I don’t think it would be a bad idea to find someone else.

[Lrad123]

Can you talk to her about the scheduling? It does seem a bit odd for a psychodynamic T. I’ve had the same one for 1.5 years and it was understood from the beginning that I get the same time and day every week, and when I added a second day he refused to let me come at random times for the second session of the week. As it is, I skip the 2nd Thursday of the month due to my work schedule and T is concerned that will be disruptive for me. My T has a 14 day cancellation policy. I talked to him about it and now feel better about it. He is very consistent and has never canceled even in horrible snowstorms. Anyway, I guess my point is that the consistency seems important in this type of therapy. I’d talk to her about your concern.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by Pennster

She doesn’t seem to take her responsibility to her clients very seriously, while regarding her own needs as very important. I don’t think it would be a bad idea to find someone else.

Great comment- cuts right to the heart of the problem.

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Great comment- cuts right to the heart of the problem.

Yes, it is. And I agree completely.

[Omers]

My T can be hard to get into so he schedules me a month out so I can plan. He has a 24hr cancellation policy. I think he is far more reasonable. I don’t think I could deal with the set up your new T has. It may work for some but I personally would be finding a new T.

[retro_chic]

Thanks everyone for your replies!

I agree with all of you comments. I will bring this up next session but I have a feeling it will be my last with her. I mean, she acts very caring in session (with the tearing up and all) but I kind of wonder if it is just an act. I don't know if it is her personality but she is a bit too over the top with the empathy/sympathy. Like I will tell her something kind of sad and she will respond with a rather dramatic "awww" kind of sound and facial expression. I have no idea how to respond to most of the things she says.

Maybe she's just not my cup of tea.

[Rive.]

If she can't accommodate you seeing your work constraints, yes it would annoy me. I don't think it would be all that difficult for her to keep Tuesdays (or Wednesdays) for you.

A 5-day cancellation policy?! I don't think I would stick with that T unless they were exceptional... which she does not seem to be.

[Anne2.0]

I don't think it's unusual for a T to not schedule you for a regular appointment in the beginning, until you have established that you want it. I don't think it's an automatic thing and it doesn't sound like you asked for that and she agreed to do that. I was every other week for awhile and requested last year to go back to once/week. I had to shift to another slot and wait a couple of months until something opened up. This is after seeing him for 8 years. It's not your T's job to guess at what you want or accommodate your schedule. It is perfectly legitimate for you to decide for this or any other reason that you don't want to deal with hers.

What I would do is be very clear that I wanted an every week appointment and ask whether she has a weekly slot open that I could take. If she does or it didn't work for me, I would investigate other T's.

Taking a week off for self care seems a better option to me than having a T show up for session who's not really capable of being there. But I think "oh, this week I'm taking off for self care" should be a very rare occurrence, as I think this can be scheduled ahead of time and not just popped on clients.

A five day cancellation policy wouldn't bother me, nor does my T's 24 hour one. I don't see either as "high standards" but I've also discovered that policies are usually more flexible, if you ask, than they seem in the abstract. I'm rarely sick and in the past year, I totally spaced one session and even though my T could have charged me for it (they can't bill insurance), he didn't. Another time I was sick and canceled a few hours before, and recently my kid had to cancel a session same day and no charges from that either. I think all these kinds of policies are for those kinds of people-- and we all have met them-- who can't show up when they're supposed to and repeatedly bail on their appointments. If you're not that kind of person I wouldn't worry about it.

[GeekyOne]

I have worked with a T who didn’t hold the same time every week for me, but she would book 4-6 weeks at a time about 2-3 weeks out, and was always able to see me weekly. It’s certainly nice to know with my current T that I always see her on Mondays, but I leave work midday to see her. I would be okay with more flexibility in appointment time, like with that previous T, if I had evening appointments.

The thing that would be annoying to me is the reactions you said she’s had to things you said. I think they sound disingenuous and maybe pitying, which is not helpful.

[retro_chic]

In response to Anne 2.0:

Firstly, I told this T in the initial phone conversation that I need an after hours appointment as I work full time. She said she had those times available (which she does to an extent). After my first session which was on a Tuesday she asked if I wanted to book another appointment and would next Wednesday suit me. I asked her then if I could see her on Tuesday because I want to have the same day and time. She said other clients had those slots so I now I have to fit in between them. I said that was fine. There were no “guesses”. I was clear on my what I wanted. We then booked in a few appointments in advance and I assumed that would be my schedule moving forward. Turns out that is not the case and T only booked two weeks ahead then gave my appointment time to someone else.

I don’t know what kind of therapy you do but in psychoanalysis this is not how it is done nor has it been my experience in the past.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by GeekyOne

The thing that would be annoying to me is the reactions you said she’s had to things you said. I think they sound disingenuous and maybe pitying, which is not helpful.

Yes, I agree, her responses can make me feel pitied and patronised. She also likes to “thank me” for telling her things and being “brave”. Again, I don’t like it and it feels very patronising.

[Taylor27]

If she can't accommodate you have every right to be annoyed, she sure does not have a great way of schedualing either. Hugs

[guilloche]

I'd get out. This just screams terrible to me too.

I understand that if you haven't yet told her you want a standing appointment, that you may not "own" that spot yet. But this seems so willy-nilly, especially after you adjusted your work schedule to work with her schedule.

The tearing up stuff would stress me out too. One of the things that I've realized over the last couple of Ts is that I (personally) need a T that feels "solid" - like they can handle my stuff without falling apart. It's really hard to find that though, surprisingly!

Good luck with it.

[susannahsays]

I would move on since she doesn't have what you're looking for. If the therapist I see told me she was taking a week off for self care, I'd assume something terrible had happened. Otherwise, I'd expect her to call it "vacation" like a normal person and not some special snowflake. I've also heard of some therapists taking every x week off, so maybe she's one of those. Of course, they have every right to do that, but it's something I would want to know up front (so I could find someone else). If you decide you want to stick it out with this one, you might want to ask about that.

The one I see seems to get her self care in by traveling on the weekends, which sometimes means she skips a Friday or Monday here and there. But I still get my sessions. I have two per week. If she's there at least three days during the week, I can expect to have both sessions. They are not at the same time every time. I don't know if that would be possible. It doesn't bother me personally since she isn't like the therapist you describe. I've never lost out on a single session because there wasn't room for me. Sometimes we've forgotten to schedule ahead of time and then she has just saved some slots around the time I usually see her. I am also in school, so my schedule and when I can see her changes every semester anyway.

Also, if you're going for psychoanalysis, this doesn't sound remotely like it. Is that what she claimed to practice?

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

In response to Anne 2.0:

Firstly, I told this T in the initial phone conversation that I need an after hours appointment as I work full time. She said she had those times available (which she does to an extent). After my first session which was on a Tuesday she asked if I wanted to book another appointment and would next Wednesday suit me. I asked her then if I could see her on Tuesday because I want to have the same day and time. She said other clients had those slots so I now I have to fit in between them. I said that was fine. There were no “guesses”. I was clear on my what I wanted. We then booked in a few appointments in advance and I assumed that would be my schedule moving forward. Turns out that is not the case and T only booked two weeks ahead then gave my appointment time to someone else.

I don’t know what kind of therapy you do but in psychoanalysis this is not how it is done nor has it been my experience in the past.

I'm not interested in arguing with you. If you're sure that your communication is without flaws and crystal clear, move forward in whatever way is best for you. I think assuming, as you have stated above, is a flaw in communication. I assumed you were interested in hearing what others have to say, even if they disagree with you. I have no interest in changing what you do or how you see things. I told you what I think. "Not how it's done" is rarely a statement that makes much sense to me, as I think there are many kinds doing things that are pretty much okay. But if you have a specific idea of how you want to do your therapy, then finding someone who's a better match might be a good idea.

[Xynesthesia2]

With my last T, we scheduled on different times and days on a week-by-week basis initially, for a couple months. Then a more regular timeline came up in a discussion and he offered me a weekly standing appointment. My first T gave me a stable time slot from start. I was personally fine with any of this but I would not tolerate messy moving appointments around as I do like to plan my schedule ahead of time and plan activities. I don't think I would care much about occasional vacations not being announced long in advance as therapy, for me, wasn't a necessity, I could just do different things that week. But as susannah, calling a vacation or time off "self care break" would annoy me, sounds unnecessarily boastful. I don't call my vacations self care breaks even though they are usually exactly that. Also would not work with a T who required anything more than 24-hour cancellations, especially while being unreliable with her own ability to set appointments. That's hypocritical.

I would find a teary (or crying) disturbing, especially if it happened early on. I don't tear up talking with people in my professional life and would expect a T to have more self-control. I know this varies between clients and some like it, find it compassionate etc.

But, if all that stuff you describe came in one package, I would definitely move on as it would simply not be compatible with my preferences and style.

[ArtleyWilkins]

You seem to know what you want and expect from a therapist, and this therapist isn't meeting that criteria. Move on and find one that will. There is no reason to stay with a therapist that doesn't work well for what you want and need. Hope you find one that suits you better. Best of luck.

[Shotokan Karate]

With my psychologist, I can never get a consistent schedule. He has so many, many clients that he is scheduled months in advance. I am lucky if I can get in once a week. I know he can't help it because their are so many patients and not enough providers in our area.

The tearfullness would be bothersome and even the too much empathy. I would find it annoying and untherapeutic.

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Am I being dramatic or is this situation unacceptable?

.

I think it's unprofessional at best. If anyone is dramatic, it's her not you.

From what you said here, she doesn't appear to practice psychoanalytic therapy. For one, consistency in scheduling is a standard in that therapy. I can't help but wonder if she dropped out of psychoanalytic training though many Ts use the label 'psychodynamic' in a very broad sense (i.e, they talk about the past).

The crying and superficial compliments would bother me too. You've only had 5 sessions? Imagine what this will be like down the road!

[starfishing]

Yes, this would annoy me tremendously and would definitely have me looking for a new therapist. You seem to have been very clear and reasonable in communicating what you wanted, expected, and needed from her in terms of scheduling, so her actions seem pretty strange. If she's working psychodynamically, a standing weekly appointment is standard--and even if it weren't, it's what you asked for. It almost sounds like she's refusing to block off her evening appointments consistently so that she can use them to bring in new clients, and is pulling a weird bait and switch without regard for how that lack of consistency impacts people.

[retro_chic]

Thanks so much for all your replies!

I emailed T and basically said that the lack of consistency with the appointments (despite me adjusting my schedule) is not something that is going to work for me. I also said that I feel her therapeutic approach is not most suitable for me at this time. She emailed me back basically saying she understands and is sorry that things didn't work out.

I keep comparing T's to my ex T who I was very attached to. It was by no means a perfect relationship but I felt a strong bond with her. I'm thinking now that I will go and see the male T I saw for a few months last year. I didn't feel the same attachment to him as I did ex T but I mostly enjoyed talking to him and he was consistent and genuine. My main reason for not continuing to work with him was that I found it awkward discussing sex/relationships with someone of the opposite sex but I think that is something we could work through.

[WishfulThinker66]

I am only able to book six weeks in advance and I can't book ahead until the last appointment. They try to book me the same time and day but that doesn't always happen. As a result I sometimes have to shift the new appointments to a different time and day. Also, when I come to the end of a 6wk block there have been times I can't get an appointment for a full month. It is all quite topsy turvey and very annoying. But I don't have much of a choice. I waited three months just to see this woman whom I was referred to by my Veterans' affairs case worker. I very much like her it just irks me that I can't have more regularity in scheduling. Thank goodness I don't work or have commitments that I would have to move around. It would be very ****** if I did.