Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLI

I know you're laughing at me, you Judas!

Dear T,
I felt understood today. Thank you. Still trying to process some of what we discussed about relationships.

Love,
LT

I hate you for going on holiday. Holiday! What the hell is this?! You said you love me and now you are swanning off with that dashing butch girlfriend of yours. Urgh. I don't know who I hate more: you, her, or me. Holiday. I can't believe it. I won't see you for two weeks and one day after tomorrow. Well, screw you lady because I have booked a session with another therapist who also has grey hair in order that I can rat you out for saying all that love shite! Ha! You aren't the only maternal substitute around here!! Checkmate!

Urgh. She's not you.

Dear T: I'm worried, concerned, fearful, scared, about coming to see you tonight. Please let it be a good session. Kit

I wish you would be proud of me.

I've been thinking about stuff I might tell you, and it all makes me sick to my stomach. At the same time, my mind keeps returning to the idea. I don't know why. Is this some sort of self flagellation? Or maybe just some sort of compulsion to make myself feel terrible? I don't get it.

Dear T please let us have a good session tonight. I need a good one to get me through. Kit

Dear T,

I would really like to get to the point where I no longer feel like crying 24/7.... any chance you could help with that one???

T,
Why do I feel like I'm doing good, but the fear stops me from saying this. In 5 days I'll have 2 months clean. I just got back from vacation, and spent a lot of time getting self care in. The next term could be difficult, can I do it??

Pls don't cry today
Lol
💚

I am proud of you.

I believe we stop crying when we've cried enough. It's that simple and that hard.

That’s part of the problem. I FEEL like crying, but I can’t seem to actually do it. I am constantly on the verge of tears but they won’t come out...

T2,

I am so tired of these ****ing people not doing their damn jobs.

Two instances where I am in limbo waiting for these aholes to get their **** together.

Dear T: thanks for last night. I may not have gotten the response I was looking for, but you were there, you heard it, you held it, and hopefully I can release it. Thanks. Kit

I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you (or anyone else). I don't see the point of rehashing any of this. It's stupid and pointless. I want to quit. I just wish I knew how to do it.

I'm sorry u are worried about me and I understand what u were saying and I'm sorry I had a strong reaction to it . At the time I shut down and left the room mentally, I domt know how long I spent in that ball sheilding myself from you

U said "I care about you. I dont want anything yo happen to you"

Do u really mean that ..

Treble Clef,

Thank you for agreeing to meet with me twice this week.

-Butterfly

Good luck!

I seem to be losing a lot of weight pretty fast. I’m not sick though. I see my therapist on Monday and it will have been 2 weeks since the last time because she was on vacation. I’m sure she won’t freak out. There may be questions asked though.

ExT I REALLY miss you today. Yesterday I was indifferent to the new T now I don't like him.

Why do you think I'm like this? I don't want to ask you, but I want to know what you think. Like why am I so contrary and defiant. And always feeling sorry for myself and selfish. How come I am so yuck.

I suspect you have suffered.

Hi Matt I am sorry I missed ur phone calls last night I had fallen asleep please will u try calling again today ?? Read my mind !!

Love