Extremely upset after receiving new diagnosis

Thanks for that.

Saying BPD traits isn’t so bad for me.

My T is really experienced with personality disorders.

My T is really smart.

Next week is taking forever to get here because I’m suffering

But I’m also nervous to face him.

I have a job interview tomorrow.

Good luck in your interview!

I would agree, focus on the symptoms that cause you difficulties and emotional pain. Psychiatric diagnoses are rarely absolute, most conditions run more as a spectrum that varies between individuals and fluctuates even within one person's life. Some symptoms can also be precipitates by momentarily undergoing some other conditional difficulties and disappear/become latent when things go reasonably well.

Good luck with the job interview!

Good luck with your job interview, hugs

Thanks and much to all of you for helping me cope and deal with this. I’m still in so much pain. I did write T a letter explaining the BPD traits that I struggle with and told him that I’m willing to work on those but I also told him that I didn’t want a diagnosis if it wasn’t an appropriate diagnosis.

I’m kind of upset at him today. I’m sitting here with a painful issue that can mess up my quality of life and he is in his perfect life today probably even planning his wedding.

Now I’m getting the feeling that I REALLY don’t want to see him at all this week.

If you stop seeing this t, it won’t make your symptoms and traits and certain emotional responses and behaviors disappear.

You’ve seen many therapists and I mentioned before that I feel they failed you because they never properly addressed your true issues.

Perhaps this t is the first one to correctly identify traits that you exhibit.

So perhaps someone finally looks into things on a deeper level. So maybe he has a plan on how to improve your responses. Maybe you could give it a minute and see how he thinks you can work on it. DBT or something else.

Sure you can quit and find a new t the one who won’t say you have BPD but is it going to change how you feel, think and behave? It won’t. So you’ll be back to square one. Don’t you want to get better?

having an idea of what’s wrong is the first step in getting better. Give it some time.

It is not about finding someone who won’t say BPD. It’s the fact that my T is trying to give me the full diagnosis when I only have 3 out of the 9 traits. I told him that I would work on the traits that I have but I don’t want to end up getting treated for things that aren’t the real issues.

And when I told him that I didn’t have the psychiatric problems until my mom died, he said something and I asked him if BPD comes suddenly and he almost made it sound normal that it appeared after my mom’s death when I had absolutely no mental health issues prior to her death.

If I leave this T, I am done with therapy altogether.

T doesn’t even know how much pain I’m in. I seriously doubt that he can help me feel better at the upcoming session.

You don't need to leave this therapist. You have been doing really well with him. Right now you are reacting (understandably) to finding out about the diagnosis, and your emotions are all over the place as you work through that (again, understandably). Even if it right now it feels like quitting would be good, you can be assured that once the emotions all settle down you will feel differently about this ... you won't know yet in which way you will feel differently about it, but you can be assured it won't be the same as you feel -now-. I made it a rule that I couldn't make any major decisions until I was done with the emotional backlash from any given thing... because the emotions are but fleeting - they will *always* change. Decisions can be made once the feelings have settled down.
Later, when the emotional storm subsides you will be able to think clearly from a more rational and less emotional place. Then you will have a much better understanding of the right choice to make for you.

Thanks for putting that into perspective. I am so upset right now that I don’t even know what to say to him. I just feel stuck and I don’t know how to get past it.

It sounds like he sees five (or more) criteria and you see three. Maybe talk specifically with him about the other two, each sharing your perspective?

With regard to your mother’s death, I am very sorry for your loss. I am thinking though that, for diagnosis, either you meet the criteria or you don’t. When and how those criteria manifested themselves is a separate question.

Even though upset feelings are very uncomfortable, it's okay to have them Right in this moment you don't need to say anything to him or get past it. All you have to do in this moment is find a self-supportive way to help you ride out the emotional rollercoaster. That's all you have to do. By the time it is time to meet with him again your feelings will be in a different place to where they are right in this minute and you can address those feelings then. All you have to do now is ride this out and wait this out. Even the stuck part will be easier to think about once the emotional storm calms down.
You're getting through this okay. Just keep riding out this storm, it is going to pass.

You maybe see 3 traits. But other people in real life and online etc etc and mental health professional possibly observe more. Talk to him some more about it.

It’s ok to be upset. But don’t make bad decisions because you are upset. Talk to your t

It’s about as upsetting as my last psychiatrist trying to diagnose me with Bipolar and I got upset and told him that I quit. Bipolar runs in my family. And now I will never be able to find out if I actually had Bipolar.

You'd know. You wouldn't need a dx.

I don't see the bipolar-ness in you at all, but the bpd traits seem to very much fit what seems to come across at least here on PC. You say you only have 3 of the 9 traits, but your own assessment apparently doesn't appear to take in all that your psychiatrist is seeing in you or what others online may be observing. Talk to him about it some more at your next appointment. As you settle down a bit, you may be able to more clearly look at this. As others have said, don't make major decisions when you are so emotionally activated. There's no rush.

Since you said the symptoms started after your mother died, has PTSD been considered? Loss of a loved one can be considered trauma.

We don’t suppose to diagnose on here and I don’t but going from just what you’ve been posting over the years and events and your reactions to those events I could see 5-6 traits, not 3. And it’s only from reading online. Go talk to your pdoc (because really that’s who you are seeing and who diagnose you) and discuss what traits he is seeing and what he wants you to do to improve.

Is your goal to improve your life or to have a formal diagnosis that’s less stigmatizing. I understand not wanting to have this diagnosis and I really feel for you. But what’s your goal? Focus on your goal. Go talk to him

I don’t think he wants to see me and neither does anyone else in the office. They haven’t gotten any cancellations so I haven’t been able to get in until Wednesday. And I am very upset so I told them that I may take a month or 2 off. I just don’t even care about anything anymore. And that office doesn’t care that I’m hurting either.

How often do you normally see him? Wednesday is coming up so it’s pretty soon. I am not sure what you mean him wanting or not wanting to see you. It’s doctor’s visit, not social call or a date.

I’d agree that office likely doesn’t care about you. Why would they? They just do their job. They aren’t there to care. My t’s office staff is largely clueless. They can’t even get my copay straight let alone anything else.

Hang in there till Wednesday. Not getting any help for 2 months is a bad idea. Telling them you not going to see him for two month because you are upset or can’t get sooner appt is a bit of acting out again. Wait till Wednesday.

Don’t cancel appts and don’t tell them you aren’t going to see him. Find distractions. Go for a walk. Watch a funny tv show.

If they don't have cancellations, then they can't get you in. It's nothing personal about you. If you were in immediate crisis, they could probably find a spot, but it doesn't sound like you are.

If the people in the office don’t care about me, I wouldn’t go back. They’ve been good to me in the past.

I don’t think you understand how much pain I’m in.

I’m done talking about this.

Have you not read any of the replys. You do know this forum is for those in psychotherapy, that gives a slight clue that everyone here has suffered emotional pain.

Try reaching out to others. You'll be surprised just how much you forget your own pain.

Wednesday is only a few days away. If they don't have cancellations, that isn't personal; it's just fact. The office people are just doing their job. You therapist/pdoc is the person who you will sit down with and talk to about this, and I suspect he cares since he has taken the time to figure you out, he's called the crisis unit when he was worried about your welfare.

Resist the default reaction to run away. It's a pretty common reaction for you (and ties to your diagnosis that you are disputing btw).