Extremely upset after receiving new diagnosis

Hope, I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. I have been a lurker here for a long time and have only been posting for awhile. Since it is inappropriate to diagnose anyone, I wanted to ask you this:

Do you recognize these BPD traits in yourself?

1. Issues with abandonment
2. Difficulty with boundaries (constant emailing)
3. Extreme emotional reactions (difficulty regulating emotions.)
4. Suicidal thoughts
5. Impulsive behavior (cancelling sessions out of anger or being hurt)
6. Splitting (all good or all bad thinking)

After reading your posts for a long time, these are the traits that I come up with. I am in no way attacking you. I just thought that I would ask you if you see these traits in yourself. Do these sound familiar?

It sounds like you are working with a good psychiatrist. I'd say stick with him and see if he can be of any help to you.

Hi Hope. Try to breathe and take things slow and not just react. Not having cancellations isn't personal, it just happens. Try to not cancel your appointment. Go see your T on your appointment day and talk about everything that has been distressing you. Best of luck dear heart. HUGS Kit

When a provider has no cancellations, it is not personal. Even having to wait a long time for an appointment isn't either. Before my psychologist went on vacation for the week, I had to wait 3 weeks to see him because he was completely booked. Many, many patients needed to see him before he went on break; some had appointments that just fell around that time. So he was so booked that (again) I had to wait 3 weeks to see him. It is not that he doesn't care. He just didn't have availability because I am not his only patient.

Good point stopping therapy abruptly out of anger and frustration would be very impulsive for you. Hope, don't stop therapy. Just focus on the treatment and follow what he has to say.

I would not cancel, he must be booked up with app and Weds is not that far away. Just breathe and remember your t cares about you even when he is busy. I know it's hard to sit with allot of painful emotions but Wednesday will come soon enough. Please don't cancel it will be ok. Big hugs

It really wasn’t about all the issues that I was making a big deal about. It has more to do with this unbearable pain and I’m trying to get it to stop. I talked to my doctor on the phone today. He said that he knew I was in pain.

At least he doesn’t bring up a list of my mistakes when he knows how much pain I’m in.

I really regret ever posting on this forum because now my posts are stuck on here and I wish they could all be deleted.

Hope,

I think most of the people on this forum have quite a bit of empathy for you and wish nothing more than for you not to suffer anymore. We're glad you post here. Please don't feel like you're not welcome here. Maybe some people come off as harsh (and I know sometimes I can't handle harshness), but I think they do care for you even if you're just a stranger on the internet. I get wishing you could delete your posts, but I truly believe everyone here just wants to offer you support and encouragement and their collective wisdom. None of us are perfect and we probably wouldn't be here if we aren't struggling or hadn't struggled at some point. We accept your imperfection and your struggle.

Ask you never know. 😉

Hope, I am sorry if I offended you by making that list. I am not saying that those are your mistakes. They are not mistakes at all. This is nothing to do with who is right or who is wrong. They are traits. I just wanted to ask if you felt that they fit you. In the past, you've mentioned some of those issues in your posts many times with different providers.

No one is ganging up on you. We just want to see you get the help that you need, so you don't have to suffer so much. Again, I am sorry if I offended you. That was not my intent at all.

Everyone is rooting for you and wants you to do better. I’ve been reading about your struggles for years and always wanted you to have a better life. Maybe now when your doctor seems to know what causes these problems, you can focus on improving. I don’t believe symptoms and traits of disorder are your mistakes. Not at all.

I understand you are in pain but Wednesday is coming up and then your healing can start. Wednesday is tomorrow. It will be here in no time

Hang in there please

It’s just that thee are other circumstances for some of those things mentioned so it’s not as easy as it sounds. I have to let my doctor get the rest of the puzzle pieces and information and we can work from there.

My Ts office got me in a day early because of how much pain I was in.

Now I can’t even get motivated to get a shower.

I believe that my first Pdoc had me correctly diagnosed but he knew the entire picture.

After him, I never let a T or Pdoc really get to know me.

Until I met my current T. Now I am going to start putting the pieces together for him.

I wish you the best Hope. I hope that you and your pdoc can figure things out quickly so you can start working on a treatment plan. If you are correct, I'm sorry you couldn't accept the bipolar dx years ago so you could have getting help for it by now. I guess I never pegged you for someone who experienced mania, from your posts I have only observed the depressive moods.

Regardless, don't let a label keep you from getting better. Treat the symptoms no matter how you got them, they are there and making you miserable. I hope you decide that you want to work at experiencing a better life. T is never quick or easy but well worth the results.

I just left therapy. I still feel like all of my concerns aren’t answered. I hate the feeling of leaving therapy feeling incomplete.

HUGS Hope

Hug hope sometimes session leave me feeling overwhelmed. I journal all my thoughts down for next time. Take good care of yourself and be gentle with yourself. Hugs

When is the next appt?

Hope, did you get to go to your job interview? If you did, how did it go? Maybe it is good to just focus on getting employment. You can use that as a distraction. Just a suggestion. Anyway, I hope things work out for you. I really do.

Also, you can write down what you want to tell him. By doing this, you would have everything you want to say to him in front of you at your next appointment.

I’m just so annoyed at him and I can’t get it to stop.

Please help me before I lose him.

He is so closed minded.

I’m very upset with him.

I was supposed to go back next Wednesday but I’m truly thinking about not going.

We talked about treating the symptoms of my disorders instead of thinking of it as treating diagnoses.

I asked him if I could use a blog post and work on that during the week and send him the link the day before my appointment.

Does anyone know of a good blog for that sort of thing?

I didn’t go to that job interview. I still have 3 more job interview offers though.

I really like my T but this is the first time that I’m worried that I will leave him.

How do I begin to get past this?

I also think I may need to consult a doctor to rule out C-PTSD. It’s hard to distinguish C-PTSD and BPD. I’ve been through multiple severe traumas and I’m surprised that no one has asked me about a history of trauma.

C-PTSD is not an "official" diagnostic code in the DSM, so it is unlikely that a medical doctor will formally use that diagnosis. Informally, but not through diagnostic code, it can certainly be discussed, but until it is recognized in the DSM, doctors either go with a PTSD diagnosis or with BPD depending on which set of symptoms seems most displayed. It is also possible to hold both diagnoses.

Isn’t your t actually a psychiatrist? So he is a doctor. Which doctor do you think of consulting?

I am not sure in what way he is closed minded?

I really really want to encourage you to not quit therapy and don’t skip job interviews. Having a job (unless you think you’d qualify for disability) and seeking therapy is very essential for you.

My T is a psychiatrist but I’m so upset at him right now that I really don’t care what he thinks.

I understand you are upset but why are you upset with him?

I want to find every reason to be upset with him.

Why? Because you don't like what he says and you're scared it might be true? That's why you're trying to find reasons for ditching him? Despite him trying to help you and talking with you on the phone? A few pages before you wrote about how intelligent he is?
Hope, I'm so glad you've finally found a good therapist who is able to help you. Please stay with him. If he hasn't asked about trauma, tell him about it! Your BPD can be caused by severe trauma it happens often. The symptoms are not "mistakes" to be ashamed of. It just does how much you've been hurt!
I myself don't like seeing all my symptoms in therapy. It's sometimes shocking to realize just how damaged we are. But that's the only way to find healing. Hope, I truly wish you get the healing you deserve! Please don't leave this doctor who can help you! Discuss the possibility of cptsd and bpd, or a combination of those and then focus on treating the symptoms. Please take this great opportunity to find relief!