Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch

Random Thought:

You know what bugged me about the therapist I had? That she was never able
To step out of her Psychodynamic bubble and try something a little different. I could walk in her office and say
“Wow! I’m tired. Must be the rain” to which she would respond:
“Well I think the part where you are tired stems from yada yada yada in your childhood.
“No J. I didn’t say I’m tired all the time. I said I’m tired today”

Every time I would say that I think I need a life coach to help me with work and present day stuff and help me set goals for my future..she would say.
“No need for a life coach Jersey. We can do that here” Yet every time I tried to that she would then drive every session back to the past.
I swear if I would have walked in and said “ I gotta pee” She would probably be like “Well, Jersey, that urge to go pee stems from the abandonment you feel from your mother”

She infuriated the hell out of me.

That's why I like a therapist who didn't profess to be X kind of therapist. Mine were all rather eclectic and pulled from various approaches based on what seemed most appropriate for whatever was going on with me at the time. That also meant when they pulled out an approach that I didn't like, I could easily tell them to drop it because they had more than one tool in their toolbelt and we both knew it. That was part of our give and take, and I think helped me feel like there was much less of a power dynamic going on.

That’s very true Artley. I’m pretty sure if I had a therapist that didn’t use just one approach-it may have helped a lot more. She just couldn’t offer it and I was too far down the transference rabbit hole to do anything about it.

How am I going to manage to get through all these appointments today on 3 hours of sleep? I tried getting to sleep well before 4am, but I couldn't fall asleep.

I have a phone consult with a potential new T today at 2 (free 15-minute phone call). He's a male T (the others I contacted but haven't heard back from were all female) who lists himself as doing attachment-based therapy as well as art therapy. I'm nervous about talking to him. I figure I don't have to mention my current T's name, right? I'm worried he knows him. I was originally going to use "knows my T" as a weeding out method, but it strikes me that I don't ever really need to use his name, do I? I suppose that's something I could ask on the phone call...Also, based on his LinkedIn profile, he's a bit younger than me (like 6 years).

Also, I just noticed that one of the "Communities" T's can list on Psychology Today is "Vegan-Allied." I'm a vegetarian, not vegan, but it never really occurred to me that therapist would list that.

The T listing he is vegan is probably a really big deal to his vegan clients. Vegan is a totally different way of living than vegetarian. I worked for a strictly vegan family and they wouldn’t let me put my food in their fridge. (Like if I had a lunch meat sandwich) or something. I would have to bring an ice pack (similar to those kids use in their school lunch bags) and keep it in that all day. They tried asking me to not bring that stuff at all. But I told them I simply don’t live a vegan lifestyle and told them they are welcomed to seek out a vegan nanny. That’s when we compromised me using the freezer pack and not putting anything other than my fruit in their fridge.

Oh that's interesting. It's good you were able to come up with a compromise. I dated a vegan at one point, but am not sure he was that strict. That sounds about on the level of someone keeping kosher then, like having a kosher kitchen.

Yes. I also had one of those families and it was similar. No food I their fridge, don’t use any of their utensils or microwave and don’t drink from their glasses after I ate my food. They bought me throw away foam cups for when I wanted something to drink.

That's so weird.

I've met people from other religions that wouldn't eat stuff that was cut with knifes that previously touched certain meats. There I kind of get it... but vegans not wanting to 'contaminate food?

I've met pretty normal vegans though. As long as you don't make a fuss about other people eating differently from you, anything you do is fine...

CNS..I didn’t stay very long with the vegan family because there was other issues that just made us incompatible but they are the only vegans I came across in my life that were that strict.

T last night didn't go well. It's not so much that it went badly, it just didn't go well. I kept trying to talk about how depressed I was and sui I had been, and she kept trying to tell me I need to do something creative, or something I enjoy and mentioned stuff like baking (no I do not enjoy baking). I get where she was going with that, like to try to bring some joy to my life, but when you are so far down the hole, you need something besides baking to make you be able to climb out of the hole. I found the whole appointment rather disappointing. I didn't get any real help for my depressive symptoms, or for the sui thoughts.

My sister is going to see the newly hired lawyer tomorrow at 2 and told me she would like if I went along with her. So I’m going. And my dad too. Mainly she just wants a couple sets of ears there with her and also so that all questions are covered. She had a horrible night last night.

It's also the one year anniversary of my last T appointment with former T. I'm very sad today. I feel headachy even. Like I want to cry but the tears are all stuck in my sinuses or something (not even sure if it works that way). I don't feel like working. I don't feel like being at work. I just feel like blah. And missing former T. I felt like I was healing and making progress with former T and then when we had to quit because of her MS I really don't feel like I've made a lot of progress, I can name a couple of areas where I have, but I've just been struggling so much with the depression that everything feels impossible.

Sorry it didn't go well. Hugs... I completely understand your reaction to what she was saying. My T will often talk about things like meditating or exercise or doing art when I'm feeling bad. I said if I was sitting on my couch sobbing, that doing a downward dog (yoga pose) wouldn't really solve that. T said, "Then you'd just be dripping tears onto the floor instead of your lap." Yet he keeps talking about various coping mechanisms. The main one that works for me is reaching out to other people, but he wants me to have stuff I can do completely on my own, that don't involve anyone else. Listening to music helps sometimes, or distracting by, say, watching TV or going to the store, but as I've also said to him, distraction only lasts so long, then the feelings come back. Sometimes I wonder if they really get what it can feel like...

Just heard back from one of the female T's, who also offers phone consultation. Maybe I'll see if I can talk to her tomorrow? Seeing the consulting T, K, in person (she's not someone I could see going to long-term).

I find it interesting that so far I don't feel any sort of guilt for doing this. Like, I'm kind of excited about finding a different therapist. I think that says quite a bit about what has happened in my current relationship with T (who I'd be meeting with right now if I hadn't canceled). I'm just sick of all the conflicts. I don't need T drama on top of what's already going on in my life and in my head...

The place that was Whole Foods before Whole Foods bought it (or maybe even after WF bought it, i cant remember, im SO FREAKIN OLD!) once told me that people complained they put (my favorite) frozen chicken tamales next to the veggie tamales and frozen veg etc. I was like, its frozen!! In a box! In plastic! How are frozen meat cooties gonna break outta there?! And they were like, no, people just find it offensive.

Was it Fresh Fields or something like that? I used to live near one like 18 years ago, then WF bought it. I'm vegetarian (not vegan), but things like that don't bother me. Well, your trigger post might!

One moment at a time.

Wild Oats. At the beginning they were better than whole foods I thought, but sadly they fell behind and then just failed

Not sure what time it is in the US, or if it's already past 2pm -what vibe did you get from him?

Nope you don't have to name Dr.T.

Yep I've been like this before.

When my old best friend used to cook dinner she'd always use a different pan and knife for me

I don't think trying to do what's best for you at this moment should make you feel guilty. Those two parts stand out for me.

I'm glad he handled it well.



What time is your first appointment?