Couch 204: The Refactorable Couch

Well, I saw him that Sunday to work through the email contents. Then saw him last Tuesday after my ER visit, but we only addressed stuff related to that. Then I was away, and he was away. So, yes, this is the followup to that session, basically. It had been a week since I'd seen him, so I had lots of time to think about stuff.

Oh. Okay..I think that’s where I may have missed a few posts. Now I know where to go back and read.

I think I wrote partly about that session on the Couch and maybe partly on LT's Thread? Not sure, can check later if you can't find it.

I think people in real life, in healthy relationships, absolutely do that.

LT, your therapist has a style that personally I would like. He sounds a great deal like my therapist that got me to the place where I no longer need therapy. However, his style and approach aren't as nurturing as you tend to want from a therapist. He is more boundaried than you tend to like in a therapist. He's very straight forward and definitely lives in reality. I don't think he's wrong. He just may not be a fit for you.

My only concern is that if you keep seeking out therapists who are more nurturing, more accommodating, more "relational", you'll continue to go through this cycle of getting so transferentially mixed up with your therapists that the work on your issues gets lost. On the other hand, this therapy relationship has somehow managed to work its way into more conflict and distraction despite your therapist's best efforts to keep it boundaried and professional. This therapist is challenging your patterns of thinking and behavior. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you may not be ready or willing to be that challenged at this point.

The thing is though, it is possible to be relational, caring and also boundaried and avoiding entanglement. Unfortunately those therapists are hard to come by.

It just sort of seems like LT repeats this entanglement aspect which is kind of what her therapist is pointing out. I really don't mean for that to be an insult. Just an observation. LT, you do have a way of hyperfocusing on fairly small details to the effect of them becoming fairly major conflicts. That comes from somewhere, so I'm trying not to say that as if you have "control" over that, but it is a pattern of interaction that comes up with a fair amount of frequency. Yes, a therapist should be able to deal with that and keep it from becoming a blow up, and this therapist may not be the one to do that, but he is pointing out a reality, hard as it may be to hear.

I am overwhelmed at work at the moment. I'm taking a few minutes to decompress. I might need hours to decompress but I don't have hours to decompress. I see T tonight. I kind of don't want to see her even though I know I need to see her being how Sui I've been. She usually discounts how Sui I am and that gets really annoying. She's not in my head. She doesn't know what it feels like to be me when I feel that way. I can try to explain it but I don't think I do a good job and so then she's like well, you're still here. Well, yeah, but you don't know the lengths that I go through to stay alive. I really want to SH but I know if I do I will be very dissociative when it comes time for the appointment. So I need to not be that way.

Hi LT, sorry to read how much you are struggling with your T. I just thought I'd add my bit, for what it's worth. Some years ago I saw a great T who cared about me very much, and vice versa, but didn't quite hit the spot when it came to nurturing the young part of me. There was a lot of drama between us because I needed her to give something she wasn't prepared to give because it wasn't how she worked. She helped me massively because she believed in me, but she focused on the adult so much that the child was forgotten along the way. I felt I didn't have her acceptance because she wanted me to move on so badly. I think I needed her to sit with me and accept where I was. I didn't even really realise the problem at the time, but we ran into conflict a lot along the way due to these difficulties.

I have found a therapist who is very much as Echos describes above - extremely caring, attachment focussed but has really great boundaries because she is safe within herself. She has done her own work and it shows. She sits with me whatever I feel and there is no conflict, no drama, just her acceptance. She says a great deal as she's a T who will contribute a lot - but her contributions are around empathy and understanding my experience. It is amazing - and yet I think I am in a much better place to attach to her because of the past work I have done with the previous (and other) Ts. I'm deeply attached to her but I am aware I have more resources to handle it. So a lot can be said for how my old T was. I did learn a lot with her, but I deeply craved a form of re-parenting with a T who would just simply be here for me no matter how I feel, even if I'm angry with her, as she won't take it personally or over-analyse it like other Ts may have done.

Obviously my experience is just my experience, but based on that I'm wondering if you know in your heart that this T has taken you as far as you can go with him? It happens. Just like other relationships, t alliances evolve and change with time. It might be you've outgrown what T can give you and you do need a more nurturing kind of T. If you're fortunate enough to find one, it could also be that you are in the right place to be with that without going in over your head. My very first T was when I was 18 and she was very maternal - my God I was so obsessed with her that I threatened S when she went on a break!! I thought I would die. I'm not like that any more. You also might find you have developed more resources to cope with a deep attachment.

I really hope you find a way forward that works for you.

Problem student was improved today, never mind it’d be hard not to be.

Only issue is he moved his seat from the third row before the projection screen to the first row right in front of the instructor’s computer station. I’m guessing he thought I’d hear him better there? Since part of his ADHD is serious twitchiness, he was visually distracting for me and the people behind him.

I did feel bad for him—no one sat on either side of him and he hadn’t spread out across those seats, he left room. It was obviously deliberate, someone did sit next to him and then moved. He quite obviously has “weird kid” all over him.

Just had a psych eval today and got newly diagnosed with C-PTSD and substance abuse issues on top of my pre-existing GAD and MDD diagnoses. While I'm happy about being offered weekly psychotherapy and hope I can get my work schedule approved to accommodate, I feel ...weird about it. I am a bit thrown off because I thought they were going to turn me away like the last hospital since I am pretty much in remission status thanks to meds and previous therapy. I guess a part of me doesn't really want to return to therapy because I don't want to delve into childhood issues that have not been causing any problems lately and feel sicker than I actually am. I don't want to explore the dark place inside... But at the same time I am grateful for having this opportunity and resource that so many people don't have thanks to a referral from my ex-therapist... Just a lot on my mind and to process when I should be using this day off of work to study....

I get to see L tonight! We changed our schedule partly to help her adjust her schedule, and the timing is right to provide me with more support. I was doing good this week until last night I realized that I wasn't okay. Something feels off. And L guessed it: there were so many big things last session and then to go back to life and pretend it's all okay and normal...it's not! So seeing her tonight will be helpful.

I feel kind of bad. I moved my investment accounts to a different financial advisor because I'm rolling my old 401k into an IRA with this other guy and I wanted to move everything to one place. I got an email from my old guy, saying thanks for being a good client and best of luck. Now I feel kind of like crap even though he has been in the barest of contact with me for the past couple of years...

I'm exhausted. Work done wore me out today. Still like 2 hours left though. Then T tonight. Ack! I just want to crawl into bed and never come out again.

I'm getting really frustrated with IOP and my insurance. Got told today that tomorrow will most likely be my last day after only 3 weeks. Kind of defeats the purpose of IOP when they say the program is usually at least 6 weeks. But they've also said this every week, then insurance approves another week. I don't know if it's because I'm not "progressing" in their eyes or it's how insurance works with this program. I'm glad that I at least have T still, but I feel like 1 hour a day isn't enough esp lately. Even 3 hours doesn't feel like enough. I wish there was a program at the end of the day where you could do a few hours then sleep, wake up and go home.

My root canal did not take. And friday i am getting another one. Not in a good mood!

Sorry about that unaluna

I'm sorry you're having to go through this with the insurance. It has to be stressful not knowing whether or not they will approve more. Insurance has too much to say about whether or not something is working for a person. HUGS I hope you get more time.

If a new T suggests something and you say it doesnt work for me i have tried itbut he insists its a proven thing is it reasonable to tell them where to put their suggestion? I find riding out my depression with meds works he says cbt works well with this. I have never found this. I have told that i have done cbt some many times i can do it in my sleep. It helps with my frustration with other people but doesnt change my mood.

Almost off of work. I wish I didn't have T tonight so I could just go lay in my bed. But that's probably exactly why I need T tonight. I hope it's a good session. IDK why. I'm kind of anxious about it. I don't know what I'm going to talk about. I guess I should mention I've been Sui....But I haven't SH-ed since I've seen her so that's a good thing.

I have to figure out some stuff at work that I've never done before. I got some stuff done but a small amount is in a not yet pile. I called the city today. Got an answering machine. No answers. I might have to make a visit in person. Oh fun. Gotta get the right permits and stuff.

A public service announcement for the Couch:

Maple Creme Oreos now exist.

Sorry to hear that - did they fail to get rid of/kill off the nerve?

Dear god - why? Why?

Idk - but what was happening before the procedure, is happening again. The gum on the outside of my tooth gets bubbly and sensitive. One of the boy dentists did mention something about there being a question of one or two roots, so idk wtf is going on. I am amazingly clam irregardless. I havent finished paying the bill yet. thanks for asking. Its just a thing that is happening to me.

My poor dog is depressed. I put her harness on and now she's just walking around and around the couch mopping. I put it on 2 hours early.

Not feeling that flavor, but I kind of wish they had a sampler pack with one or two of each variety so you could try all the flavors they come out with. I'd buy that.