Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

Lonelyinmyheart · Oct 10, 2019, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Lol this is almost funny to me. [/trigger] I emailed you saying I’m extremely suicidal and you ignored it, probably thinking I’m exaggerating and you’ll just reply in the morning. Nope, not exaggerating. Also, don’t plan to be here in the morning. [trigger]

Please go to a crisis centre if you need to...I'm so sorry you feel so rejected by your t. You will get through this, you will find people who care about you and it will be easier. Please dont throw your life away over one person. Msg me if you need to, I care.

Oct 10, 2019, 10:38 PM

please forgive me

Oct 10, 2019, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Lol this is almost funny to me. [/trigger] I emailed you saying I’m extremely suicidal and you ignored it, probably thinking I’m exaggerating and you’ll just reply in the morning. Nope, not exaggerating. Also, don’t plan to be here in the morning. [trigger]

stay safe summertime please talk to us

Lonelyinmyheart · Oct 10, 2019, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

t wtf just happened???!!!! I am so sorry. I feel like I hurt you and I hate that feeling. Especially when I said to you out loud "I'm sorry" before I left and you just said "mmhmm". And because you pretty much kicked me out of there at 50 minutes and we always go for an hour. I feel absolutely miserable. what the **** am I supposed to do with these feelings?! what?! But this is exactly WHY i needed to stop. don't you see?! I want so much more from you than i can ever have and that's just ****ing everything up!! I can't keep trying to work with you. because every few months the same damn thing would happen. Not that you would ever let me come back now anyway

Oh no, I feel your pain. Could your t not cope with your feelings? I agree it's not likely to help seeing her more often at this point. Not surprised you feel distraught after wanting so badly to work with her on leaving. I'm so upset for you that she couldn't hear your pain.

UpDownMiddleGround · Oct 10, 2019, 10:56 PM

I have decided that I don't like EMDR anymore. It takes the pain away, but it takes emotions and memory with it.

I get angry at you sometimes when I want to escape. Once upon a time, I could disappear into a world of darkness without even knowing that I'd left the room. Now I can't escape. I just have to sit in my misery -- in the present.

I don't want to be on meds anymore. I think I will stop. I don't think I'm going to adjust well to my new pdoc so I want to remove the need to go and see him. I don't really like change.

Sometimes I REALLY don't want to be here and I don't want your help to keep me here.

Oct 11, 2019, 06:43 AM

Maybe you said one too many times that this work was only about me - when I actually made it only about me and tried to tell you how I was feeling it all went to hell so that tells me it wasn't only about me, was it. So I had to get out. I had to.
But I still love you.

Oct 11, 2019, 07:55 AM

You were everything to me. I was wrong to let that happen.

Oct 11, 2019, 08:12 AM

You don't even know how badly I want you to respond to my email but I know in my heart you won't. What the **** happened though? I didn't mean to make you hate me. ****.

Lemoncake · Oct 11, 2019, 08:47 AM

Possible trigger:

I passed oncology with an A.

1 month till my next psychiatry exam.

puzzclar · Oct 11, 2019, 09:54 AM

I don't want to go to th clubhouse. I don't want to share where I am. I'm not following the plan. I don't want to stay safe. Just don't leave on vacation. I know you said I can call to get you but I don't want you to go.

Echos Myron redux · Oct 11, 2019, 11:03 AM

Is this just a waste of f***ing time?

Oct 11, 2019, 11:14 AM

I can't say enough times how sorry I am for what happened yesterday, for hurting you. I am going to sit down after work today and write about it and hopefully use this experience to learn from, grow from. I can't undo the hurt I caused. All I can do now is move forward and hopefully be a better person. I love you so much and I always will.

LostOnTheTrail · Oct 11, 2019, 11:32 AM

I won a writing competition today - don't think I've had that experience since I was a kid. Feels pretty good.

Oct 11, 2019, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

I won a writing competition today - don't think I've had that experience since I was a kid. Feels pretty good.

Hey that is great! Congrats.

Oct 11, 2019, 12:31 PM

Thank you for calling me. (My email was pathetic, though.)

Lonelyinmyheart · Oct 11, 2019, 12:35 PM

I'm feeling incredibly low. I know part of it is SAD again due to the weather, but also being physically worse which messes with my emotions. I just feel so empty, like my life is useless. I feel so lonely inside too. Im not sure if that will ever change. I can't imagine living with someone again after so long and I have no desire to find a relationship. I just miss you T, but don't feel able to text because the more vulnerable I feel, the harder it seems it is to make contact with you. I think I need to cry it all out but I wish I was with you.

Lemoncake · Oct 11, 2019, 01:54 PM

I start my new block for peds on monday, and according to the 6th year students even the the classes for that aren't exactly as how they're written on our timetable.

For onco we were also told different times to come in depending on the lead teachers preferences. It could be a 2 hour class- 3 no idea.

Think it's a good time to take a break anyway.

P.s I'm still mad at you for going away.

nottrustin · Oct 11, 2019, 05:08 PM

Please let this be the one weekend you check your work phone.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 11, 2019, 06:29 PM

Dear T,
Really struggling with the stuff with D...last night was a rough night. I could have emailed you, but then I wasn't sure what you could say that would help? Beyond what you'd said in session. I wish one of the T's would get back to me about a possible appointment for her. Maybe I need to contact some others....I just don't want every night to be like that. I need sleep. H needs sleep. D needs sleep.
Love,
LT

SoAn · Oct 11, 2019, 06:37 PM

I will probably never say it, but - sometimes, you look so sad yourself. If I were to describe how it honestly feels to me, I would say you look as if (a part of) you died inside. It seems like a deep pain that has gone numb that can never be undone.

(Sometimes you look alive, caught up in something, and loving, too - that's where my feelings begin)

08:42 PM

I just realized something. the disaster that was my session yesterday did do one thing. it solidified in my mind that I don't want to do this anymore. I agreed to come next week to talk about my pathetic email because I need to try to put some closure to the past 8 years. I want a freaking do-over of yesterday!! I have no desire whatever to do therapy about our relationship. No. I have spent enough money on this. 7 of the 8 years I have been paying out of pocket and that's a lot of money. I will come next week and seek closure but that is all. I wish you would get supervision for this. I really do.

atisketatasket · Oct 11, 2019, 07:38 PM

Dear Info,

You’re right, I just have to shake my head at their stupidity and self-delusion and remember it is not my problem.

It’s just I hate needless idiocy.

ATAT

Oct 11, 2019, 08:16 PM

I wonder how much of this goes back to that "You don't know me" comment you made months ago. I am thinking that is where the erosion started. I never quite got over it.

puzzclar · Oct 11, 2019, 08:22 PM

I need you! I'm sorry I didn't answer. Help me get a med provider, there's a problem with Vraylar!!

susannahsays · Oct 11, 2019, 09:18 PM

I can't believe you suggested I go to the bacon festival. What's wrong with you!

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLII

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