Couch 208: The Practical Couch

I understand that. And part of my error was waiting until it was a big thing for me to bring it up, like it had been bothering me for a year and a half. If I'd brought it up much earlier, likely wouldn't have been a big thing either way. It's just interesting now that he stands up when I leave pretty much no matter what--even if I forget to pay at the beginning, or if he forgets I paid at the beginning then sits at his computer expecting me to pay. If the latter happens, now he just stands back up, opens the door, and holds out his hand to me. It's like he realized it was important to me and does it anyway, despite any potential inconvenience. And he tends to mention paying at beginning if I forget so that we can do that (as then he'd just get up from his chair, open door, then shake my hand, vs. sitting first). Like he seems to make an effort to do it now, even though I haven't mentioned it at all since that conflict months ago (I really haven't, even one time when he sat and stayed sitting). So I feel OK about it. And at the time, I was making a request, which can be hard for me to do--I didn't intend to be controlling. So that's part of what was so difficult about it.

But I think if you had said something more about it, that would actually have been a reason for him to not do it. If that makes sense. He's doing it on his own terms after establishing that he won't do it just because you ask. That is actually different than if he had just done it to begin with, or if there had been further discussion about it and he had started doing it in response to that. He has had his say, so he has asserted himself and can do whatever without feeling controlled. So I'm not sure it can be reduced down to implying that he has basically done a 180 - that's not how I see it, anyway. I think lots of times people will make concessions after communicating their reservations.

Basically, what I'm saying is that I wouldn't assume that the reason he is now standing is because he didn't realize it was important before and now he does. Jmo - and I'm only pointing it out because it seems like setting yourself up for disappointment to rationalize his actions as dependent on understanding how important something is to you (not without him telling you that is what happened).

I have to go catch up on the couch. The 4 year old was calm today. I also tried a new strategy and asked me if he wanted to do jobs around the house. He said he did. So he vacuumed the rug, mopped the living room floor, dusted around the house and cleaned his room. In the best way a 4 year old could.

He was so freaking proud of himself. Win.

Might be remembering this wrong, LT, but didn't he say the main reason he didn't stand was because he had injured his back? Maybe it's just feeling better.

That is AWESOME Jersey 4!!!!

Yes, @Jersey 4 - you are doing so well with this child!

Mitchell and Webb have a series of Gilbert and Sullivan spoofs heres a Star Trek one there is also a Dirty Harry one and several more

Thank you Lost. That means a lot. Some days I feel defeated but today was a win with him.

Thank you.

I've been napping on and off for the past few hours. I really dont want to do anything today since I'm feeling so overwhelmed.

As most of you Couchies know, I have this inexplicable need for the controller of the company to like me and talk to me, about work stuff, not work stuff, I don't care, just communicate. I also sort of idealize her for some reason. I mean I know she's just human but she's at a place in her career that I would like to be at someday and she seems to have her stuff together. But she's in NY and I'm in CA. (I'm still trying to get used to not having a boss in the next room that communicated with me A LOT!!!!) So today we had Skyped in the morning, mostly about work stuff. Then mid-day I sent her a couple of quick, not long questions via Skype but I didn't get any response. I also told her briefly about a conversation I had with one of the owners where I told him how much the controller has helped me learn the software and other stuff and how we and they are really lucky to have her. No response for a couple of hours. I know she does reports on Fridays so I wasn't overly worried about it. Then I had a more involved question and sent that via Skype but I let some of my neediness show because I was like, talk to me, I miss you! No response. Then right before 2 PM when it is about 5 PM in NY she sends me a Skype and was like, so sorry! I accidentally closed my Skype. So she answered my quicker questions and the other one that is more detailed we are going to have to see what happens once the job is invoiced. Then she's like, have a nice weekend! So like everything is fine. I'm so relieved I didn't ask her if she was like mad at me or something, but I feel kind of dumb for letting my neediness show because she didn't even have her Skype open. I don't know why it matters to me that this person in particular likes me or talks to me. I don't really care one way or the other if my other male bosses here in CA like me particularly or talk to me. I mean, I don't want them to dislike me but I don't go out of my way to talk to them in any detail or length. They also don't work in accounting so I don't have a lot of reason to go to them. I'm puzzled why I am this way with the controller. It's probably got something to do with my relationship with my mother. Sigh. Oh well. Everything is well and good for today. We'll see if I repeat this worrying process Monday....HUGS Kit

I emailed my old Pdoc. Remember when I said I would never ever go back on meds? Apparently I lied because I called the old Pdoc to get on the schedule so she can give me something to manager my anxiety and racing thoughts. She can’t see me until January 9th though. She booked up. In the meantime I’ll drink herbal teas, continue to take Unisome to sleep and muster through.

I'm with you @SheHulk07....let's nap! I'm not particularly overwhelmed but I'm drained. I'm just like done. HUGS Kit

HUGS @Jersey 4 So so sorry you are having anxiety and racing thoughts. I'm sorry the Pdoc can't see you sooner. Hope you can manage to feel okay until then. Hang in there! We're with you! The force of the couch is with you! HUGS Kit

So I found out that L is not referring me out. It was all a misunderstanding. She did understand why there was a misunderstanding, and she apologized. She reassured me that she's not going to leave me or abandon me. I feel a lot of relief, but still full of anxiety from everything.

It’s okay to look up to her. She is meeting some need for you so you’ve gotten a little attached. That’s okay though.

HUGS @ScarletPimpernel that's good news about L! I hope you feel a little better soon! HUGS Kit

Thanks! That makes me feel a little better and not so much like a crazy person! Kit

That's a great idea, Jersey. He got to be active and helpful and do grownup stuff.

That's a good point. Also, in paying at the beginning, he doesn't sit when I pay, just stands while he runs the credit card. And at the end, he stands up, opens the door, and the shakes my hand/says goodbye. In the past, I'd pay at the end, he'd sit during that, then stay seated because he'd have to send my invoice and might have been doing other stuff on the computer (like looking at emails). So he didn't want to sit down, then stand up, then sit down again. So this avoids him doing that. Though a couple times, he's forgotten that I paid at the beginning, sat down, then been like "Oh right, and stood back up again (when he could have just stayed sitting).

Hm, OK. You make some good points. I think it's just confusing that he was all, "I'm not going to do that just because you asked me to" then started doing it. So in your opinion, why is he doing it now then? Why not just hold to his word? It's partly, too, that if he forgets and sits down (like if I paid at the beginning), then he'll be like "oh right" and stand up, without my saying anything. I guess I just don't get why he'd be OK with it now, unless it was literally just about his back and that's doing better now. Plus the fact that he joked about it regarding the fish--he knows it was a thing for me.

Maybe you’re not asking him to do it anymore in a way that makes him feel manipulated, ergo he is doing it. I didn’t get the sense he ever questioned it was important to you, only that he objected to how you asked and how you reacted to his reaction.

H did something that I think was totally unacceptable the other day and was laughing about it today. I don't find it funny at all, but apparently that's what people get. I'm actually angry with what he did but cant tell him because he sees nothing wrong with it. Maybe I'm overreacting.

You have the right to feel whatever you are feeling. Don't discount your reaction. If his actions aren't acceptable to you I think it's fair to tell him so.

For some reason I ended up with an '80's sing-along mix on YouTube.

Brings me back to the days of going to the roller rink every Saturday morning (after using half a can of Aqua-Net and rolling up my Guess jeans.