Couch 213: The Tulip couch

now i want to bake bread! yay!

I worry that loan dog is a bad influence on new cat. I just came across them both perineum-sunning, side by side.

Consult with a different T didn't go well. Said he couldn't help me right now so it felt like a kick in the gut. I don't know why I got so upset over it. Just felt like a major rejection especially when I'm already not feeling connected to any of the Ts I'm working with. God, I miss my ex T. This bites.

I see Loan Dog didn't take long to become very, very comfortable at your place.

The dried cat vomit on the screen is a very welcoming scent for a young whippersnapper dog.

Your feelings are valid, but it's also that she couldn't help you because she might not have all the training that would have helpsupport you where you are right now. It would be the same thing if you wanted to learn French but the teacher only knew German.

I'm sorry if you've already posted. I remember the T with the difficult schedule but how many other T's have you seen ?

How are your kiddos doing?

Do it!

Maybe if you're feeling wild try olive or pumpkin bread.

Took a cheeky zoom screenshot of T today and I’m not even sorry.

I've thought about doing this! I feel like she would know, though. She somehow always knows about things...

He seems quite at home. Though every time we walk by his real apartment door, he tries to go in there.

Also he is not eating up cat vomit or snacking from the litterbox, which I thought dogs were supposed to do.

I umm actually sort of took a practice screen shot during my work meeting first... just to see it it looked inconspicuous.

His reasoning was similar to my ex T...that his work with SUI clients is limited especially given how everything is virtual right now and he said he feels it'll be this way for a few more months. He said to look at the community mental health center...which I've done twice now and haven't had good experiences either time. And they're virtual too.

I was just drawn to him stating in his profile that he often encourages to meet more than once a week. Which I would like to do with current Ts but not possible. And now that T1 wants me to see his partner too, it's basically 3 Ts. Which is way too many but none of them can see me more than once a week and T3 works with T1 in his same office.

My kids are hanging in there. They're going stir crazy with the shelter in place and doing online learning for school. I'll be glad when mid May is over and they're done with the school year.

Loan Dog sounds like quite the good boy!

I worry that you are going to have a funny shaped outline sunbleached into your carpet.

I tried to take one during my first Zoom session with Dr. T...not thinking that my volume was turned up (to hear him), and it made a loud camera clicking sound...I played it off (I'd had a messaging notification go off earlier in session, too), but I wonder if he knew? It ended up being a really awful pic, and I deleted it. I've now figured out how to silence the screenshot on a Macbook, but am debating whether to try another pic or not... Part of me wants to ask him, but if he says no, then he might be suspicious of my trying to do it. (He doesn't know that I have a very goofy-looking screenshot of him from like 2 years ago when he was at an event that was being broadcast online...he knows I saw it, just doesn't know I screenshot him.)

L and I are having issues. First she laughed at something that I was being honest and serious about, then she let something someone else said sway a decision she made about our relationship, and then she forgot to email me when she said she would. And then we had a 20min phone call today in which instead of addressing my concerns, we addressed her concerns. She actually said that she couldn't address my concerns until we addressed hers first. Now I'll give her the fact that her concern was for my safety, but my concerns which are the three issues, affect our relationship which affects my safety. My dad thinks that maybe she's lost her intuition about me because we're only doing phone and video. I don't know what's going on, but I feel like I'm losing her

I know you were doing 4 session a week, but perhaps for now maybe it would be best to accept the offers for the T's you feel most comfortable with.

Or maybe you could ask if you could have a slightly longer session ? I know one poster here did 90 mins sometimes. Perhaps also a DBT T offering telephone support could also work.

Re screenshots: I showed R the screenshots I had taken of him over the past few months- he just laughed..

I can understand why she also wanted to talk about her concerns first if it's about safety, but I hope you got the chance to talk too.When do you see her next? The laughing and forgetting would also bug me.

If I asked do you trust you'll be able to work it out eventually what's your answer?.

No, I didn't get to talk about my concerns at all. Bit she did say she believes we will work everything out. It's jard when you have no answers, no response. You're just sitting with these hurts and the person who has to make the next move puts it off.

I have a 20min phone session with her at 9am. Then I have video session with her at 1:30pm. Supposedly, we're going to talk about my concerns during the phone call. But I still think it was unfair to make me wait. I don't understand why she just couldn't do back to back 20mins phone session without me paying her. Especially since the first 20mins was me reassuring her.

I do not know if the hurts will be resolved. She says it will be. If I base it off the past, then yes it will be resolved. But while in the thick of it, I'm just not sure. It isn't a no, but it isn't a yes yet.

Yay me! I volunteered my technical expertise to the covid cause.

Proud of you Una O.

I made small donations to a food bank and the NHS running fund for PPE.

Discussed the recent passing of one of my favourite musicians as part of today's therapy session. On a scale of 1-10, how weird is it that I've just sent R a link to one of his songs?

It was a song that meant a lot to me in the early days of unravelling my experience, but not really feeling able to tell anyone about it.

I've sent my therapist songs. Just this week I sent him Pink Floyd's "Is There Anybody Out There?" to explain how I was feeling.

I've decided the answer to that question is "not really".

I sent my T a song related to our work once too, so I don't think it's weird at all.