Another question for T homework .. Help if you can plz

I got a new question last week from my T to do for homework. My mind cannot get into a frame of thinking for this question right now. And I've been trying since last week when he gave me the question. So if you can give me a clue as to how to get my head focused in the right direction on this so I can have it answered by Wednesday I'd really appreciate it lol

The question is: What are you responsible for in your own happiness?

Thanks ahead of time for your help!!
Hugz
Beth

I remember when I found my T's doctoral dissertation online and I couldn't even understand the title! I explained to her that I understood each of the words and I could understand each "half" (it was a really long, 10- 15-word title) but trying to put it all together, it all fell apart.

Well, looks like your T is asking about your happiness. So, first thing, I'd figure out what makes you happy?

The first part asks what one is responsible for. So, I'd then try to figure out how one achieves happiness? Is it given to one (a friend calling to say hello) or do we have to seek it (helping create and working to maintain a friendship so we have a friend who wants to call us to say hello in the first place :-)

My husband and I have a joke that he "keeps me" because I'm right at least 51 percent of the time. I think, for me, happiness might be like that too. I think we have to put "enough" effort in, at least 51% to help create and work at maintaining whatever situations we find make us happy.

Sweet,

This teacher does homework help!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are you responsible for in your own happiness?

If I were in the classroom I would start with a chart and ask the students?

What makes you happy? (Then we would create a list)

Then I would direct them to the list and we would elminate anything unrealistic (like winning lotto)

Then I would ask them how to accomplish the other things. We would add those steps next to each item.

SUCH AS:

Eating Ice Cream Makes me Happy I buy myself a cone
Peace and quiet makes me happy I carve out some quiet time for myself
New shoes make me happy I budget a certain amount out of each check
I'm happy when my husband is home Out of my control (he works far away) so I ................................................................make the most of it when he is here

So in my case it appears that of these items I am responsible for most items on my happiness list. I wonder how yours will come out?

Love ya.

Hi Bethy,
And, to add to what others have said, sometimes it takes more than one step to get to "happy."

So, I would add "what steps do I need to take" and then, "what can I do today" etc., and add a timeline if possible. It has to be realistic though...

Looking inside is difficult to me. I guess if I know my own personal values/goals, I know what makes me happy. "Happy" is kinda a word like "normal." Dontcha think??
Love,
Okie

What are you responsible for in your own happiness?
What in your own happiness are you responsible for?
What happiness is your own responsibility?
What responsibility is your own happiness?
What responsibility?
What happiness?
What you is responsible?
What you is happy?
Your own happiness.
Other's happiness.
Your own responsibilities.
Other's responsibilities.

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a980814a.html

I would think too about my responsibilities to be happy? If you have a choice between half empty and half full, choosing the half full doesn't change what is there but certainly changes how you perceive it? Actively looking for "happiness" or the "positive" instead of expecting it to show up probably could bear some inspection?

Why am I getting a headache? Do I think too much?

Thanks everyone for your help. You really put alot of thought into helping me understand the question better by breaking it down. I guess the problem I am having after thinking about all this is:
1.I dont feel I have what it takes to make myself happy ( let alone anyone else)
2.And I think I am also scared off wanting to be happy because if I do attain it somehow, I'll lose it .

I know this must sound rediculous. I dont know if I have made my point clear either. Seems when I read it.. its missing something. I think T and I will need to talk about this more tomorrow to see for sure what is preventing me from feeling this is attainable for me. I hope to come home and get this figured out better.

Thanks again.
Beth

Beth,

That doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds like you have been in a lot of pain.

Maybe just think of one thing? Like a Kenny Chesney concert?

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sister said:
Beth,

That doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds like you have been in a lot of pain.

Maybe just think of one thing? Like a Kenny Chesney concert?



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<<< thats my Sissy.. bringin out the sucka in me . Ok.. yes a Kenny OOOLALALA Chesney Concert does make me HAPPY. But.. how does that relate to how I am responsible for my own happiness? IDK...

I am thinking that everything that i've enjoyed at one point in my life.. and that I did do to bring me happiness. is no longer there. It either died, got taken away , or i have given it up in some way.

ugh.. i missed my appt. My husband used the alarm clock last night to get up at 6:15... pm. When I checked it.. I didnt check to see if the PM or AM was on there.. Well needless to say I saw the 6:15.. thought thats when I want to get up.. and then switched it back to showing the time. I didnt get woke up. I noticed that about 5 minutes before I would have had to leave to head over there. And I needed to wash my hair blow dry, straighten and get dressed and all that other good stuff before I left. He doesnt have another opening this week. Soooo I guess I get to think on it a lil bit harder and longer here and try to come up with some answers .. again lol. I feel like I've let you guys down now too by not getting in and all this good advice you've given me.. may have to wait longer to be taken. I'll do my best though to push thru my wall here and get this done. Thanks so much!!

Hugz
Bethy

Well since I last talked about this. T has given me more homework. Like to make a list of things that make me happy. Which I did and I had quite a few things. He's had me try to make a routine in the morning to reflect on my day including some of those things that make me happy. I've done so so at this. I could do better.. because I know it was helping me focus more on my day and what I wanted to accomplish. I've even found a book of sorts called Writing My Life.. it asks you questions about your life and what you remember as a toddler, child , adolescent and adult. Alot of questions. But on some of those things.. its just too painful to remember them or I've blocked them in some way. So.. the book has been put aside. I had even started a gratitude journal... well.. I got a notebook for it.. but not wrote anything in it. Seemed like a good idea at first.

He had me do I AM statements.. because I was always saying I believe I am. He had me write down things I want to accomplish before my birthday next month. Well.. I did that too.. and I was so proud of myself for even thinking of some things. You'd think I could get something wrote down for this question he gave me at the beginning of this thread wouldnt ya?

But I keep having these same old feelings that I wrote about above.. and for some reason they are in my mind being validated. Let me put the points here that I made above to make it a bit easier to understand.

1. I dont feel I have what it takes to find or bring myself any happiness.
~ I give up to easily on things.. including myself. Not feeling worthy of good things in my life.

2.I think I am also scared off wanting to be happy because if I do attain it , somehow I will lose it.
~People in my life I've loved like my mom. I know I didnt attain her.. but I still lost her. She was the woman I wanted to be. And I've even failed her at that.

3 I am thinking that everything that I have enjoyed at one point in my life and that I did do to bring me happiness is no longer there. It either died, got taken away, or I have given it up in some way.
~ Again my mom
~ job I loved because of shoulder problems.
~ relationships that meant a great deal to me

4 Also I am afraid of whatever " might" bring me happiness I will in some odd or stupid way I will feel rejected by it, humiliated or screwed over. Whether it be because I made it too hard to attain ( too big a goal) over thinking , or putting too much emotion into finding it when its not there to begin with.
~ Things I thought I would be good at doing.. but others dont think I would be .
~asking for answers and even getting the courage up to ask for it is alone very hard for me to do. And not hearing back .
~ needing acceptance in a place I thought I belonged from a place that others are like me.
~ just in general.. feeling that others see something wrong with me but wont tell me what it is. Which in turn leaves me feeling more doubt in myself. More pain. And then bringing on more depression. and worthlessness. And yes maybe these things are what others call distorted thoughts.. or whatever.. but they are very very real to me . And I just dont know that I can put myself " out there" anymore to find out what the problem is. Or care enough to wanna know.

So how .. how do I figure out what I can do to make me happy and how I am responsible for it.. when I feel I've tried and tried to find answers and I've been given up on. Or I've given up on myself.

I HONESTLY dont know what else to do here.

Sweet, aim "lower" on the happiness needs.

Reading a good book makes me happy. So, all I have to do is go to the library or look around at Amazon or have someone recommend something, etc. I also like looking for good books in bookstores (even if I don't buy anything) and I like shopping in office supply stores.

Sometimes, just messing around on the Web can make me content. I have a couple blogs and belong to a couple sites and own a couple sites I work on now and then, etc. I have taken courses online and do a lot of research into what interests me.

I use to like to create different little problems for myself when I was in therapy; if I had trouble looking at my T, for example, I would set myself the task of greeting all the clerks in stores I went to (mostly grocery :-) and saying something about the weather or other topic of conversation ("When do you get off work, have you much longer to work"? is a good one) and just practice looking at and greeting semi-strangers like that. Pick some little thing that is hard for you or that you'd like to try but are afraid to and a way to practice approaching it.

Perna~

You have some good ideas. I will have to try them . Thanks for the suggestions.

you like quilting and make beautiful quilts (enjoyment of project and you've completed many

T put his thumbs up at my answer .. and had a big smile on his face.

How am I responsible for my happiness.... By taking control of my life. Not letting my life( the things going on that stress me) take control of me.

And all this thinking came about when I heard 2 cats mating outside my bedroom window at 3:30 this morning!!! LOL I'm sorry.. but I do have to say that I am sorta thankful that happened lol. Otherwise I dont know if I would have had that ah ha moment!