[ScarletPimpernel]

It was only one week that I didn't have my second weekly appointment and she already gave that spot to another client

And last night she wasn't going to tell me. She said it's best if we didn't talk about it because it would trigger me. Wtf?!?!

I understand she has a business to run, but I thought I was more than just a paycheck to her. I didn't think she would replace me that fast. And now that I can do the twice a week again, she doesn't have a spot for me. I'm so mad!

[SlumberKitty]

HUGS Scarlet

[LostOnTheTrail]

Ouch, Scarlet. I'm sorry to hear that.
It seems to me that you would have had quite a discussion about this, including contingency for if you were able to go back to twice a week.

I hope she's able to help you out at some point soon.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, Scarlet, I'm so sorry...

Has she replaced you or is she managing her diary? She can care about you and maintain her practice by supporting other clients. I find it very uncomfortable and incongruous that money is a factor in these intimate relationships where we are so vulnerable, but (in most cases) therapy is a business. It's horrible.

Actually, for me, this wouldn't be about me being a paycheck (she barely charges me for sessions anyway so it's a moot point), but I would feel burnt by the fact that other clients are as important to her as I am! That the tenderness and closeness we share is replicated with other clients in other slots! I mean, cognitively, I know that's true, but being confronted by it like this would hurt. Ugh, this is horrid for you.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Ouch, Scarlet. I'm sorry to hear that.
It seems to me that you would have had quite a discussion about this, including contingency for if you were able to go back to twice a week.

I hope she's able to help you out at some point soon.

She always said we would go back to twice a week sometime in the future. That once a week was just a season. Thay season lasted one week because H got a job. The only thing we discussed was that she would always be able to fit me in. Technically, she is going to fit me in, but I no longer have a spot that's specifically mine. It makes me feel so unimportant.

Actually what hurts the most is being replaced, but what pisses me off the most is that she didn't want to tell me because it would trigger me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

Has she replaced you or is she managing her diary? She can care about you and maintain her practice by supporting other clients. I find it very uncomfortable and incongruous that money is a factor in these intimate relationships where we are so vulnerable, but (in most cases) therapy is a business. It's horrible.

Actually, for me, this wouldn't be about me being a paycheck (she barely charges me for sessions anyway so it's a moot point), but I would feel burnt by the fact that other clients are as important to her as I am! That the tenderness and closeness we share is replicated with other clients in other slots! I mean, cognitively, I know that's true, but being confronted by it like this would hurt. Ugh, this is horrid for you.

Exactly! Thank you for putting it into those words. I thought I was special to her, but I'm not. Someone else is just as special if not more. It crushes my heart.

[Taylor27]

I would too be upset because that spot should be open for you unless it agreed by both of you. My therapist always makes sure that my spot is open unless we talk about it first.

[LonesomeTonight]

Scarlet, of course you are more than just a paycheck to her. It's clear that she really cares about you. However, if she thought you were switching to once a week for a considerable stretch of time, it does make sense that she would put someone in your regular time slot rather than holding it open. I understand that it hurts, and I'm sure I'd be feeling the same way in your place (I have general times that T holds for me but not an official spot). But please try to focus on the fact that she's making time to fit you in. That is a sign that she cares. Hopefully you will be able to get a regular second spot soon (if not the same one). But for now, she's finding time for you. And that means you are important to her.

[ScarletPimpernel]

You're right LT, and it still hurts.

Btw, I talked to L about her saying she wanted to avoid it because she didn't want to trigger me. It was a miscommunication. What she meant to say is that we no longer try to schedule that time because that day has now become triggering for me; not that she doesn't want to talk about the triggers themselves.

I'm just a complete wreck emotionally, mentally, physically. I spent 2 months preparing for the decrease in frequency, went through the first week, then I have twice a week back but am feeling replaced, to now H just called me and said he doesn't think the job will last longer than a few months. I feel like a punching bag. I'm just emotionally being jerked around.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Exactly! Thank you for putting it into those words. I thought I was special to her, but I'm not. Someone else is just as special if not more. It crushes my heart.

Scarlet, I don’t think someone else is more special. It’s probably that she has a wait list and could suddenly fit in someone who’s been waiting for therapy.

It can hurt in such a personal way and still not be about you or how she feels about at all. Your feelings can be valid and real and deserving of care but having them doesn’t prove that your reasoning is sound, much less that you know her thoughts.

Hugs. This sounds hard.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Scarlet, I don’t think someone else is more special. It’s probably that she has a wait list and could suddenly fit in someone who’s been waiting for therapy.

It can hurt in such a personal way and still not be about you or how she feels about at all. Your feelings can be valid and real and deserving of care but having them doesn’t prove that your reasoning is sound, much less that you know her thoughts.

Hugs. This sounds hard.

You and LT are right. If I think back on everything, I know I'm special to L. I don't write all she has done on here, but she has done things for me that I know without a doubt she wouldn't do it for other clients.

I'm just really messed up right now. I think I just need to be with her so I can be in her presence and remember our foundation. I see her tomorrow. I need it. I might even just do a double session and not tell H.

[GeminiNZ]

Oh Scarlet, i really feel for you. It can be pretty darn ouchy when our personal stuff rubs up against the reality of therapy being a job for our Ts. Everyone's already said pretty much everything i would so will just leave you a hug and the hope that your session goes well.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Thank you all for your support and validation.

Update: I had a double session with L yesterday. It went really well. Things are pretty much back to normal except that I still feel like she replaced me. I guess I'll just have to grieve that time slot She said she does have me on the calendar for the next 5 months, so that's good. But it's not a consistent day/time.

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm glad things seem mostly back to normal. I wonder if maybe one of her clients stops seeing her, she'd be able to switch you to a regular time slot for your second session? Even if it's different from your previous one? I'm glad she has you scheduled for 5 months at least.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Today at 1:30pm would have been my normal time with L. I just am besides myself. It's hurting so bad today. Part of me just wants to end it all. She can easily replace me. She's proven that. I am so angry at her. I don't see this getting any better. I know she has me booked for 5 months AND she still gave away my spot. 1:30pm is going to be so hard for me. I'll forever remember it as a betrayal. It's like when H bought me a huge teddy bear to say he's sorry for lying to me. Now that stupid bear always reminds me he's a liar.

We're supposed to talk about it today, but I'm thinking of canceling.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm sorry you are hurting Scarlet. I would urge you not to cancel your appointment but go and talk it out with L and give yourself a chance to feel better. Gentle HUGS Kit

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I'm sorry you are hurting Scarlet. I would urge you not to cancel your appointment but go and talk it out with L and give yourself a chance to feel better. Gentle HUGS Kit

I agree--it's better to go talk it out. Hugs...

[ArtleyWilkins]

She didn't replace you. You still are her client. She still cares. You still have your sessions once a week. I know you are hurting, but talk it out. Try to get your rational/wise mind to speak louder than your emotions. You know how much she cares and how dedicated she has been and continues to be to your welfare. She's proven THAT over and over again.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I tried to cancel with her. She ignored it/flipped it and said she was glad we're having session today.

I'm frustrated. And she didn't answer any of my questions. She is reminding me of T right now where nothing phases her.

I'm scared of session and don't want to go. I don't want to deal with this anger and sadness. But I guess I'm going...

[unaluna]

Okay, why does L have to be MORE dedicated to a time slot than you (scarlet) are? You were the one who vacated the spot, altho with the excuse that your h pushed you out of it. Why didnt L get mad and feel betrayed etc at THAT point, for YOU breaking the agreement? Why do you get a pass, and she gets the blame when the exact same thing happens the next week, but on the other foot? (Where the other client pushes her like your h pushed you) Its like a weird version of musical chairs. To paraphrase Tom Hanks, theres no betrayal in musical chairs.

Just seemed like a step was missing.

[ScarletPimpernel]

That hurts. And not very supportive.

I talked to L for months about our Friday slot, but she never talked to me about replacing me. How is that fair?

Besides, when I reduced with T, she never gave my spot away until I could handle every other week.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm not sure if this will help Scarlet, but I am trying to help so I hope you take it in that spirit.


T's are human. They can't see into the future. L didn't know that you would be vacating the spot for only one week. You guys had been talking for months about reducing so she probably thought you would be down that slot for a while. She had no way of knowing that your H would get a job and you would be able to resume your spot after just one week. Had L known that she wouldn't have given the spot away.

L has multiple clients all with needs and she's trying to fill them. Or help the clients fill them themselves rather. It isn't that you aren't important to her because you are. It's just that you aren't her only client. As much as we wish it weren't so, T's have multiple clients, but also they have the ability to care for multiple clients. It's like having pets. You don't stop loving one just because you get a new one. You love them both. And your love just grows and expands. That is how it is for T's.


I know you are hurting. This is why it is very important to go to the session and talk to T about it. You can do this. And we are all here for you. HUGS Kit

[SlumberKitty]

Let us know how the appointment goes, okay? HUGS Kit

[InkyBooky]

I'm sorry you feel so hurt and betrayed. It sounds like she was actually very caring, flexible and accommodating in that she immediately got you back on her schedule for 2x per week (just not on same day as before, right?). So you still get to see her twice a week? Or did I miss that?

If I have to give up my second weekly spot with my T (which I will be doing soon) it will probably be months before she can get me back in for that second weekly appointment should I ever request that...and there definitely will be no guarantee for same time and day. Honestly, I probably wouldn't ever get it back because she has a waiting list and I respect that she needs to keep all of her openings filled. She's in private practice so I'm assuming she can't afford for slots to sit open.

I'm not trying to diminish your feelings of sadness, just pointing out that your T sounds very caring and flexible by immediately fitting you back into her schedule despite your cancelling your second session for the foreseeable future. She had no way of knowing that your new schedule would only last for a week. In fact, if you guys had been discussing it so extensively for two months then she probably assumed the schedule change was pretty well set in stone.

Hang in there! Your T sounds very caring and committed to you