Couch 235: Home State Advantage

I can't complain. Just staying with my kid sister at the moment.

How are you?

Maybe just contact her anyway and get your name down. She might have a surprise cancellation.

What's the moving timeframe?

The time frame has been a source of arguments, because he sets a time frame in his head based on no data, then expects magic to happen. Doesn't work that way.

I'm still recovering from a bad case of iron deficiency anemia which was dismissed for over a year by doctors as depression.

He's doing almost all the planning now, which includes breaking down tasks into smaller chunks. Stuff that I struggle immensely with.

In the meantime, I'm sorting out my belongings to see which I'll ship over and what I'll donate, recycle or toss. And I'm doing my share of research for my paperwork.

So I don't have a timeframe yet, and that bothers me. I'll calculate a timeframe when I can.

On the major plus side however, I'm on my first shift at the new job (a wellness place) and it's incredibly relaxed compared to all my jobs, including the healthcare one. Plus the 2 bosses asked if I had dinner yet, as they get dinner for all their staff if they want. Since they're both busy teaching classes now, they gave me cash.

I told them the cost of whatever I eat if I don't cook, because they gave me twice the amount. And they told me to just keep it. Told me to get something nutritious.

My T, Julieanne, checked up on me this weekend via text. That was nice. She said she holds me in her heart which was confusing but a nice sentiment.


I was doing better this weekend than I am today. I think work exacerbates my symptoms sometimes. But I am too functional to go on disability. I have zero motivation to do anything at work today although the only thing stopping me from doing stuff is me!


I think I need a mental health day. I am taking of 3/4/22 because 3/5/22 is my Dad's birthday party. I think I need a mental health day before that though. Am I just being lazy or something? I don't know. My SH urges are getting bad again. They were better this weekend when I could do art and stuff like that.


At least one of my coworkers has noticed that I am not alright. He sends me "hug" texts. And calls to check up on me and stuff. He is married so I don't think he is hitting on me or anything I think it's just regular concern. I think it's time for anxiety medication again. I see Pdoc on 3/2/22.

There's nothing lazy about taking a day off work. I think most Americans have some pretty screwed up notions about what a proper work ethic is. I think this is something most of Europe gets right and we need to work on.

I agree with this!


I feel like one thing that Covid may have somehow helped with (in the US) is people who were proud of going to work when they were really sick. Like it's a sign of a good work ethic if you go to work despite feeling like you were dying. While the pandemic brought about things like health checks and working from home.

@@ I feel your pain. I asked for an accommodation at my work due to my mental illnesses and I've yet to get a response to that. I got a response to something else I asked but not to this. I feel ignored by management. And really P.O.'ed at the coworker who is trying to make their work (which they are paid handsomely for) my work. (I make the least amount out of everyone.)

I did get around to doing my work today. After the Xanax kicked in and then mellowed out some I was able to get some of my work done. I decided to take off Valentine's Day as a mental health/self care day. As a Valentine's Day present to myself! I only have less than an hour left today so I can do this.

My T, totally missing the mark, just said, "Thanks, Feel better." Well that totally missed the mark.

I get that. The therapist said something similar to me recently and I also found it to be a bizarre and rather inappropriate response to what I'd said.

I just wanted to ask how I was supposed to make that happen. Feel better, I mean. Or did she expect that it would just happen automatically, like she thought I was talking about a cold and not my severe and unrelenting depression.

HUGS susannah

All I can conclude is T's are weird.

I wanted to respond with the thanks I'm cured! meme but restrained myself.

I have a really stressful week coming up, with my daughter's IEP meeting, for her individualized education plan. Where they determine what accommodations she can get for being on the autism spectrum (annual discussion). The past few months, 4th grade has been really difficult for her, including acting out, getting mostly D's, etc. Yesterday, I learned that she has pretty much all of the possible accommodations available to her at this (public) school (including small groups for math and reading/writing, speech services, special educator sitting with her in the classroom at times, etc.). She's on a new ADHD med, which I think is helping, but it's been less than a week, so hard to know.

It's been a topic I've been discussing with Dr. T quite a bit recently (and in general), and he's been very supportive, while raising some good points for me to consider, actions to take, etc. Today, at the end of session, while scheduling for next week, I mentioned to him about also wanting to schedule for later in the day on the 23rd, when we have the IEP meeting in the morning (like getting a later session on the books). Just to make sure he'd have an opening then.

He said, "Just so you know, I'll be out the Monday before that. But we could meet that Tuesday and then Thursday or Friday." This led me to totally break down sobbing, which I was apologizing for, saying I knew he deserved a day off/3-day weekend. He said he understood, that he knew this was a really difficult time for me. That we could be sure to meet in the afternoon after the IEP meeting if I wanted, instead of Tuesday.

I emailed him after session, saying that I might want to meet on the Tuesday, too, to prepare for the IEP meeting, like maybe regular session then, half session after the meeting Wednesday--or vice versa? And regular session Friday. Would that be possible? As I know he has other clients to fit in. He replied a couple hours later with "That sounds like a plan we can do - I’m flexible to your needs." Which made me cry. I just appreciate his support with all this.

Hugs to you, Kit...

HUGS LT, hugs

I'm really annoyed my boss is being unresponsive to my needs. At this point I no longer care. Just tell me whether or not I have to do this other person's job. And whether you will give me the accommodation.

ETA: My boss just gave me some BS answer. Like oh in general we don't think people in x dept should be doing this task even though this person has been doing this task since they bought the company and well before that.


I'm like whatever. If you aren't going to accommodate me then give me bigger pay. I didn't say that but I thought it loudly. I'm really in a bad mood now.

I got this cool bracelet from Lokai that reminds you to breathe. It has circles going from small to big where you are to inhale, then a different color bead (hold the breath) then circles going from big to small (exhale) and then a different color bead (hold). So basically box breathing. I like box breathing and it calms me down so I am excited about this bracelet. I can't wait to get the February one which is red hearts.

That sounds really neat!

Ick. Hope ypu hear soon.

So I’ve fallen into a very serious funk as of late last week. Basically everything that went wrong with accommodations last semester and early this semester—and the FM receivers ordered don’t really help—caught up with me Thursday/Friday. After spending those days randomly crying, not sleeping, and not eating, and also being *****y to a couple students I like (they fortunately seemed to take it as a joke, though I still apologized) I just broke down. A couple friendleagues talked me into speaking with chiding German chair and asking her if I could teach from home this week.

She said yes and was actually quite supportive (“here’s my cell phone number, call me anytime”—I will not be doing that). Then she suggested I teach from home the rest of the term and after doing that today, I decided I would do that for the FM receiver class.

But then I found out by accident (too much of an email chain was forwarded to me) that since November the ADA office has not only been sending my accommodations requests to chiding German chair, but to my dean, her boss and also mine after her. This isn’t SOP, and no one ever mentioned it was happening. And I want to know why. Some kind of protection from those who think me a problem? Some kind of spying on me to fuel the idea I’m a problem? Either way I’m not happy about it.

Sorry you've been feeling so awful because of your school's incompetence and unwillingness to give you what deserve and are required to have legally. I'm glad at least that chiding German chair has been supportive and that you're able to teach from home.


Hopefully the email chain doesn't have anything nefarious behind it, but I definitely understand your concern. Have you heard anything from the potential positions at other schools?

That's not okay, ATAT. I'm sorry you're having to go through so much turmoil over it. I have not been in that exact situation before but I think I can understand a bit.

I inquired with my Human Resources department about getting accommodations under the ADA after breaking down crying at a conference over lunch with a friend. Things were so bad with my chair at the time that I volunteered to teach all my classes at our extended campuses...one 1.5 hours south of me and the other 1.25 hours north of me. I only went to the main campus 3-4 times a semester for faculty meetings or other mandatory functions.

HR informed me that I would have to negotiate with the chair who was making my life so miserable that I was living in self-imposed exile to determine what constituted reasonable accommodations.

I threw the paperwork away before I got home.

It sucks you had to find out about the extensive email chain that way. Knowing is better than not knowing, though. A$$h0les.

If info is useful as a place to dump out your negative emotions, or to feel heard, or in any way whatsoever that would help you...you don't need anyone's permission to keep seeing her for a bit.

I had an emotional couple of days, too. I wrote an honest review of my chair, two criticisms with plenty of praise, but now I am dreading her histrionic reaction. She'll be able to recognize my writing style and it will be an ordeal. I am so angry at everyone else, except one person, for not writing anything. She messed up big time this year and only two of us even mentioned it.

I'm not sure how much help I'll be, but you can PM me anytime. I do take a night-time pill at around 11, though.

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Any movement on the other position you were considering, @@? It seems like your work environment has slowly turned toxic for you. FWIW, nothing you've said makes you sound like a "problem" employee (or person). They have whole offices set up to handle these requests. I don't know why they can't handle yours with more professionality and treat you with the respect you deserve.

One of the institutions entered a hiring freeze after applications were submitted. From what I hear, they’re done hiring for the year, any faculty position anyway.

The other—I’ve heard the search committee is in turmoil and there’s huge conflict between the chair and the committee members over just the rubric for applicants, so they haven’t even started reading them yet.

Ah, academia. Exactly what Plato had in mind when he founded his school, I’m sure.

And Mobius, I think expecting you to negotiate with a chair, whether you get along or not, is either illegal or a great way for your school to get sued. HR or whatever office is supposed to be an intermediary.

@@ I'm so sorry that all sounds awful. Hugs if wanted. It's absolutely wrong for all of it to be happening - the lack of important accommodations, the email chain, saying you're a problem, etc.