Couch 237: Social Rules

Hey, you eat what makes your intestines happy, i will eat what makes mine.

I know they are coming -but I am always surprised when they do. The horror

Sweetie, you didn’t just wake yourself. You woke up the whole U.P.

I do sleep with my butt facing north. It's fart shui.

I think you mean fart deco.

Bright colors, bold expression, strong smells.

SD, how many Acks are we up to?

I dont think SD goes for that artsy-fartsy stuff.

So THAT'S where that expression comes from!

Ohh! Im watching Star Trek Beyond! Our buddy Idris Elba is in it!

I haven’t felt the same about Idris since I saw him in that costume in “Cats.”

Thanks for a needed smile tonight.


Slept for a while, now awake for what will likely be the usual hour or two in the middle of the night. For the record, it was *not* my fart that woke me.

I hope it wasnt mine!

I did wonder for a moment whether there had been an earthquake!

Dr. T sent a long reply to my email. Though it felt like he used a lot of words to not say that much? Still processing it. There was clearly some misunderstanding going on for both of us. And he said it's not a big deal at all. He did say he could have done a better job in being "softer" in telling me what was bothering him, so that's something, I guess? I mean, for him to admit that. As opposed to just suggesting it's all an overreaction on my part.

And yes, I'll admit it's an overreaction, but it's to a trigger, and that's how those sorts of things work...

Hi everybody. I decided today that I'm ready to come around here again. I miss y'all! I never stay away long.

LT, I just read this and the first thing that came into my head was that I really respect both your willingness and your ability to do this relationship-related work with Dr T.

Because I couldn't do it anymore. For such a long time, the therapy relationship with L was my work, and when I had the realization back in November that I had begun insisting on only seeing her monthly it was because I was just trying to hold onto my fantasy version of her - but that I wasn't really doing any work anymore and didn't want to be (I pretended pretty well though ha) - that was when I knew it was time to go. Well there was other stuff too but that was the crux of it I now think.

Incidentally, it's funny to me now, that she was right even though I didn't believe it - that in the past every time I'd asked her "how will I know when it's time to stop?" and her answer was always "You'll just know." Yep, she was right, I knew. It's been 5 months now (as of yesterday) since my last session, and I no longer have any desire to go back, even briefly. It helped a lot that I finally processed my feelings about leaving through writing poems during the month of April.

Oops I didn't mean to type that much.

All good, Artie! It's nice to see you on here. It's good that you knew when it was time to stop with L and that you can see you made the right decision

I know you're not suggesting I end with him, just sharing your own experience and saying you'd struggle to work with him. The thing is, he's very helpful in a few key areas for me, the biggest one right now being with my daughter. And that to me is most important.

It's just particularly difficult for me right now because it had felt like we were in a really good place, and he even *said* recently "we're doing amazing with the rupture piece" (like with avoiding ruptures. I don't know that this is actually a rupture at this point--in his email reply, he emphasized that he was just "mildly irritated" by my texted and repeated "mildly." And that it's not an issue for him anymore.

The problem for me is, I had checked in with him about it, and he said it wasn't a problem at all. Apparently, he expected me to be psychic and know at what point it would become "mildly irritating" to him. And now it feels difficult to trust when he says things are fine. But he said that if things aren't, he'd bring up something early on, as he did here, and "f people can just say something early and kindly, we can move on." It just triggers something in me (coming from him or people in my outside life) that I clearly need to work on more.

Anyway, now I'm the one who said more than I'd intended to say....I do appreciate your insight!

I'm sorry LT I was not at all suggesting anything like that. I was just describing I guess the reason I have a lot of respect for you being able to do what I could not.

All good, Artie. But I think you did what was right for you at the time. I'm not sure it's necessarily a good choice for me to keep seeing him. There's the element of his being really good at discussing stuff regarding my D. But there's also quite a bit of attachment for me.


Does pain from the attachment (and his being resistant to it at times, like now) ultimately cancel out the help regarding D and other stuff? It's very hard to say. Things have generally been even-keeled with him throughout the pandemic.

Hm, I wonder if somehow being back in person is triggering other stuff? I mean, OK, obviously, this conflict, as it was about my confirming in-person vs. virtual. But I wonder if it's doing something to my attachment as well? It does feel more intense in some ways being in person. Or maybe it's partly about the fear of losing it, having to resume virtual? Hm....

I don't think you've been back in person with Dr. T for that long IIRC, LT?

I remember being quite jumpy about it in my first few weeks back with R. It didn't help that we ended up going back and forth a bit due to illness in her family.

It took me a while to settle back in, and I can understand why you might be reluctant to do so if there's a real chance of it being taken away.

I've realized one of the reasons I'm hating this move more than others: I'm moving out of the county I have lived in since birth. I do not know this new county. I don't know this city. I don't know the roads. And I'm minimum 45mins away from my loved ones. I already get horrible homesickness, so this is going to suck! I have to travel over an hour to get to L. I have great doctors here too which I refuse to give up. I'm devastated by this move. And not having L here is really hard on me.

The move is tomorrow. And I'm not ready. I have so much to pack still. Lots of random things that can't be done until the morning of.

I'm hating H and dad right now. Dad's obsessed with the puppy. H won't let me touch his electronics. And they are more concerned about packing "their" stuff in "their" cars, and aren't even considering the stuff I need to move with me.

I can't wait until I can see L again. I need a real hug!

I'm sorry Scarlet, that sounds so difficult. I hope you are able to see L soon and that you can find some peace about this move.

That's a good point. I think it's been 2.5 months. But there was also a bit of back and forth in March where I was away for a few days, so met with him virtually. And I think I met with him virtually a couple times after his vacation, as I'd felt uncomfortable with his potential exposure while flying. So I think it's only really been April and May that have been on a regular in-person schedule.

The last time we did in-person, it lasted a whole 3 weeks. (Delta became a headline in the U.S. the day after our first in-person session.) That's a big part of why I'm so jumpy now. Plus, he said initially that he'd give me a week's notice for switching to virtual, then he pulled back on that a week or two ago (saying he didn't know if he could give me a week), partly citing his wife's discomfort with it (due to rising case numbers). So I had a brief period where I felt fairly secure, and now I'm back in "well, he's going to pull the plug soon" mode. Well, I guess it's more like plug it back in, but you get what I mean.

So yes, it's like I can't feel secure about it. And the texts were some sort of security blanket for me, I think. Like, at least that day wouldn't be virtual. I do wonder if some of my fears about last-minute changes date back to when ex-MC would have to cancel at the last minute (like an hour before a session) due to his wife. Potentially switching to virtual at the last minute (or his forgetting to tell me we need to do virtual that day) isn't the same as canceling, but it's still anxiety-provoking for me.

Hugs to you, if wanted. This all sounds so difficult....

I am feeling a little sorry for myself because I am missing my son's dance performance right now.


I have super bizarre dreams with lakes in all of them (Artie- do you know what lakes are supposed to symbolize in dreams???), about aliens ships landing next to my floating house or evacuations then all of a sudden I'll be driving along a gorgeous miles-long lake with snowy mountains in the distance. Weirdness. When I tried doing a visualization of my strong immune system I ended up in this weird floaty dream that was a mash-up of Pac-Man and a Magic Schoolbus human body episode, with little cartoon white blood cells gobbling up blobby green intruders. It is rarely boring inside my head. Heh.

Ha- One of my boys told me he did that a few days ago. I think you would get along well with all three of them. It'd be all fart jokes all the time.

Thanks! Im just a kid at fart!

Sorry you are missing the boy's performance.

I'm sorry you're missing it. Is anyone recording it that you could watching later?

Those sound like interesting dreams!

*hugs* LT - it's not the same as an outright cancellation, but it still disrupts your routine, and what you were expecting from the session.

'Zoom is better than a cancelled session' is an occasional mantra of mine now.

It sounds like clarity would be helpful to you, at whatever level he's able to offer...but it doesn't sound like he can really give you that.

I'm so sorry that's the case.