Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

My favorite popcycle flavor is now pineapple siracha = spicy and sweet.

Yay, solved my first Duotrigordle! (Been trying since @@ mentioned it about a week ago.) Felt lots of pressure when I was down to one extra guess with nine words left to solve, but I got there.

Now you’re ready for Kilordle.

1000 Wordles, 5 extra guesses.

Kilordle is actually quite easy, but I have found doing it every now and then helps me a great deal with Wordle and Quirdle. I need to try Duotrigordle though.

I spend enough time every day just getting into my Girdle

Yikes! And you said the other was time-consuming....

At least it's not a corset.
Do they even still make girdles? My grandmother wore them

Lately, I feel like my friends don't understand me when I try to explain about problems with accessing care for my mental health. I also don't feel like I have a lot of options for my mental health. It is making me feel depressed. I try to explain to my friends but they don't get it. I also don't feel encouraged or supported by my friends (in real life, not on here). I try to tell them what would be encouraging to hear, and I had to tell one friend that what she told me kind of hurt my feelings but I am remembering that she cares about me and that I think she loves me (she never really says it so I don't know for sure). I feel like I am all alone, cast about with no way to get appropriate help.

I can send you a Lane Bryant catalog

Hey slumber. You probably dont remember this, but when Bill Clinton became president, everybody was, "so what is Hillary's recipe for chocolate chip cookies?" She got mad. She was like, heres my recipe for universal health care b*****es!

You are hillary here. Youre just on a different plane. Your friends are at the cookie recipe plane. We are all hillary here. The books we've read, the time we've spent in t, discussing here - the knowledge on the Couch alone bowls me over sometimes.

But who doesnt appreciate an excellent cookie?

That’s well said Una!

Are there any general mental health groups you could join that meet up weekly？

Meetup - We are what we do

I’ve heard of this one. They even have walking groups. Maybe you could find a bible group?

It's hard for people to "get it" if they don't have any or have little experience with mental health. And even if they do have experience, they can't read your mind what you need. Even with L: she doesn't know what I need all the time. Sometimes she guesses right, other times she needs me to tell her what will help.

I've been learning and practicing telling others exactly what I need. They have been more than willing to provide me with what helps. Even my family who usually suck at supporting me have gotten better since I've been more direct. Be as specific as you can. Whether it be a certain reassurance, encouragement, acknowledgement, mirroring, etc., or if you just need a hug.

Thanks, Couchies.

It's just hard when your support people aren't being very supportive. Dr's aren't being supportive. Etc. I just feel like I'm screwed.

I am being inpatient today. I am waiting on T to text me back and let me know if I am overreacting. (I probably am!) I sent her a long text....probably should have been an email....describing a WhatsApp conversation I had with a friend. I just felt like my friend was totally misunderstanding my frustration
trigger for SH/Medical


T must be in session all day because she usually will respond within a few hours. It's okay that she hasn't, I know she would if she could. It's just I'm being inpatient! So it is good for me to learn to sit with the impatience and see where it leads.

trigger for dental work

SK I was in your friends' position with my oldest daughter. I had no experience with it, I assumed it was BAD and meant she was just a step away from doing something awful. I didn't know how to talk with her and I did everything wrong that one could do in that situation.

Does your friend know it's nothing more than a (maladaptive) coping skill? Is she aware of how difficult it is to "just stop" and that your greatest wish would be to wake up tomorrow and not have to fight that urge? Has she ever been forced into the hospital and not allowed to leave? Had zero input on what happened to her?

She is probably like I used to be. Very aware that people who are struggling need support but very ill-equipped to actually provide it. She probably really means well but maybe she is just blundering her way through it.

I hope you feel better!

Sent from my SM-S908U using Tapatalk

Thanks, StressedMess

That is why I tried to give my friend a lot of grace. Even though I told her she hurt my feelings I told her that I remember that she cares about me and she loves me. At the end of my message, I reiterated how much I care about her and that I love her. I also acknowledged that it must be very difficult to know the right thing to say sometimes. I also told her how glad I was to hear from her, as I always am. So I tried to impart that even though she didn't say something helpful this time, I still want to hear from her and I desire support and comfort from her.

My friend can be very blunt and "short" with me. She also tends to be sort of like, "well you made your own bed, so lie in it" instead of trying to be comforting or something similar. It's not the first time she has hurt my feelings and it won't be the last, I'm sure. Unless she dumps me as a friend! Which I do worry about. She is always harping on me about the consequences. It's not like I don't understand the consequences. Maybe I don't deserve kindness and grace.

Having Schizoaffective and not being able to really trust one's own thoughts at times it can be disconcerting when others don't seem to trust them either. To be told, "I hope your therapist can help you see" kind of sounds like, my way of thinking is all wrong and convoluted. And it might be. But my feelings are still valid, even if they are not rational.

My T just texted me back and said I wasn't overreacting. That's nice to know. I am just really fed up over my situation over the past week and how dang hard it is to obtain proper help. I just want to curl up in bed for a week and not exist.

I would think that someone saying "I hope your therapist can help you see..." is a way of saying back that they don't know what to say but hope you get help from someone- probably because that is what I say when I don't know what the other person wants or if I simply can't do what they want. I would not ever say I am a good support person for that - I am not. I am good for other things but not that. And even though I acknowledge that is not my forte - there are misguided souls who still come and try to get the equivalent of blood from a turnip from me.

Hugs, Kit. I agree that many (possibly even most?) people don't know how to support someone with mental health issues, particularly in the one area you're talking about. One reason I find this forum so helpful is that there are other people who just "get it." The other thing is, someone could have a similar issue and find a particular thing helps them, when it might not help you (or me). It's sort of like dealing with grief, where one thing might be comforting to one person, but hurtful (or at least unhelpful) to another.

Honestly, I would suggest that you not go to this friend for this sort of thing in the future, if she tends to say hurtful or at least unhelpful things. I feel with my friends, there are a couple where I feel I can talk about this sort of thing (and really anything mental health or therapy-related), a few more where I can talk about more general mental health stuff (depression, anxiety, etc.--maybe on occasion something going on with my therapist), and a few others (who I don't see/talk to that often), where I just avoid the topic all together (in some cases, where I've just learned they won't be helpful with it). Same with family members (well, there's maybe only a couple family members--one being an in-law--where I feel I could talk about it).

It's something I've learned in part through working with my T, that some people in our lives are better at certain things than others. Like, there might be a friend I go to when I need a laugh or to vent about work, but it's not someone who I'd look to for emotional support. (And maybe one I'd look to for emotional support, but couldn't talk to her about work.) And that's OK.

It also can be a case, as StressedMess mentioned, of having to be very specific in what you need from someone at a given time. Like, "I don't want advice, I just want support." Or "I just want you to listen, you don't even really need to say much of anything." Or "I know you don't understand why I do this, but it's a coping mechanism for me--think of it like smoking, where maybe it's not the healthiest thing, but it helps me cope." (or choose your own example). To stress that you're not truly in immediate danger (hence my using smoking as an example vs., say, drugs, where maybe you *could* be in danger).

I hope this helps in some way. I'm not saying your friend doesn't love or care about you--she may just not be the best choice to go to in this situation.

Also, I'm glad your T replied. Will she be around this weekend?

Thank you stopdog and LT

This person is one who my Pastor Therapist suggested I go to for support so it is really awkward when she isn't really that supportive but I have like hardly anyone I can talk to IRL about any of this stuff and 75% of the time she will just send back a prayer or something and that is something I find comforting. So not probably going to completely stop talking to her about things. But I do definitely need to be more specific in what I am looking for in a response.

All day I have been worried that I hurt her feelings by telling her she kind of hurt my feelings. She is in Israel right now and so we are texting and sending voice messages (well I sent her one voice message on her birthday singing happy birthday to her) and you know how things can go in texts where there is no inflection or tone or body language to cue into. But we usually talk on text anyway so that can probably be part of the problem. But when I do speak to her in person she does give the most amazing hugs and for that I am thankful/grateful.

T will be in Las Vegas this weekend "throwing money away" as she put it. I don't know how much she will be around for my dramatics! I did just extend my contract with her so that probably helps. Hopefully I will start feeling a glimmer of better soon. Things can't stay miserable forever! I think I am just fragile right now and that's making things harder on everyone around me. That's why I think it would be better if I didn't exist for a week. When I begin to exist in a week, hopefully all bad things would be better and I would be out of this mess. Wishful thinking. I'll get through it one day at a time...maybe one moment at a time. And mostly by myself, except for you all.

HUG for LT and headnot for stopdog

Kit

Hugs to all who want/need.


Well we were supposed to hear from the refrigerator repair place today if the parts came in, but they never called. H called them a little bit ago and left a message. We don't have much space in the small fridge we borrowed from our friends, so maybe we'll go pick up burger doodle or something for dinner tonight. Or, I could throw something together out of the pantry, maybe cook some pasta and toss frozen veggies in it. Not many choices right now... I have my drum circle in less than 3 hours, looking forward to that as I had to miss it last week due to buying the car. There's a thunderstorm brewing outside, hopefully we don't lose power.


In other news, I still want to cut my hair!

Gentle hugs, Kit. It's hard feeling so fragile.

Never heard of that one! Gonna go check it out now.

eta: it looks rather terrifying...

ok that was hard. i lost. i missed by 2 words. oh well! but it gave me something to occupy some time with waiting for my drum circle to start in 30 minutes....



it was fun though! i will try it again tomorrow.

Burger Doodle? If that's the name of an actual restaurant, that's the silliest (in an amusing way) name I've heard in a while.