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  #401  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 10:42 AM
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Things are going forward for Peru. One of my bosses just gave me $100 towards my trip. That's totally cool!
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  #402  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 10:55 AM
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That's absolutely wonderful, Kit!
Shows that they value what you offer.
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  #403  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 11:18 AM
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Thanks, Lost!
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  #404  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 11:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
Things are going forward for Peru. One of my bosses just gave me $100 towards my trip. That's totally cool!
Wow that's awesome, Kit!
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  #405  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:05 PM
ChickenNoodleSoup ChickenNoodleSoup is offline
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Small poll for the couch: do you often think out aloud to yourself/how much would you talk aloud if you could freely? I just read some article that explained the inner monologue that some people have (not all people have this) is mostly internal for adults, they write down thoughts at most or speak out aloud just for repetition and learning. I seem to be in the minority in that I would probably be talking the whole day if I were constantly alone...
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  #406  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:09 PM
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I used to talk out loud to myself a LOT. Now it seems like too much trouble to do!

Im gonna hafta google studies on this.
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  #407  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:13 PM
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Just got in a fight with H. I know he's sick but damn. (trigger for medical/weight talk)
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We should want the best for EACH OTHER and not be all nah nah nah nah nah I'm better than you. Now he's gone back to bed and is pouting and I am hiding in my office crying and wondering why I made the decision to stay married a few years ago when I could have left. Why do I love him? I don't know. Why do I hold my marriage vows so sacred when I don't even go to church anymore? I don't know. Why am I ****ing 60 years old already and regretting wasting 25 years of my life on him? At least I can say I have my son, so right now that feels like the only saving grace of this relationship. I really wonder if I should just ****ing leave. Just ****ing leave, and let the chips fall where they may, yes we'd have to sell the house and stuff, and it would be difficult for a while, but I think I'm better equipped to take care of myself alone than HE is. I knew a big blowup was coming because things have been pretty settled between us for a good while now, it was bound to all blow up in my face. But how can I leave when he's sick (not the current cold, I mean the NASH)? That would be totally heartless of me. But sometimes I feel like I'm breaking my own heart by staying. I don't know what to do. Likely I will do nothing and just ride it out as usual. Not just jumping to this maybe I should leave stuff out of the blue, as some of y'all know it's something I've been struggling with for a long time.

Sigh. Sorry for being a downer. I really needed to get this out.

Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Dec 30, 2022 at 12:26 PM.
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  #408  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:19 PM
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HUGS Artie!
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  #409  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:20 PM
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I talk out loud to myself a lot when I am home by myself. If my parents are around I tend to not talk out loud. But if I lived by myself I would talk out loud a lot.
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  #410  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:23 PM
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I think out loud mostly when I'm driving somewhere alone. I've been known to pull over and stop on the side of the road to write things down or make a voice recording on my phone if it's good stuff.
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  #411  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:27 PM
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Hugs, Artie, I'm sorry. That was really wrong of your H to say to you.


Possible trigger:


You're doing awesome, particularly your work on yourself. It would not be heartless to leave now, either, as he's getting treatment and having success with it. It's not like he's terminal. You need to do what's best for you.
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  #412  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:40 PM
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Thanks, LT. I appreciate that, that's a good point that he's getting successful treatment. I want to just be happy for him and leave it at that but he makes it so difficult. Maybe it's me, maybe I'm expecting too much out of him. I don't know.

It's the whole comparison thing I suppose. I've been trying so hard to stop comparing myself to other people, what's that quote, comparison is the thief of joy? But then he forces it on me. I've realized recently that I struggle with this so much because it's the way I was brought up, my mother especially ALWAYS comparing, telling me various versions of "Why can't you be more mature like so-and-so?" And I sit here wondering why I've been so sad that I can't go visit my mom and sister. Why on this good green earth would I even want to go see that woman?! Maybe I should just go visit my other sister on the other side of their state and not even bother with my mother and other sister who are two peas in a pod as far as attitude.

Sorry for hogging the couch. I'll shut up.
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  #413  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:42 PM
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Wow artie kudos on your restraint cuz
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  #414  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 12:43 PM
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Ah. One of the things that L was always trying to get me to understand. That I need to start accepting people for who and what they are and choosing to love them anyway, or not and let go of my expectations for what I want them to be. Damn.

Damn, damn, damn.

I need to find a new t like yesterday, huh.

Now, I'll shut up.
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  #415  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 01:58 PM
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I talk out loud with myself quite often, I do it sometimes even in public although I try to keep it at a whisper if people are around, can't help myself. Then again I also have DID. I also have a strange habit of repeating entire conversations that I had with someone else over and over, word for word. No idea why.

I also have the inner self-talk that I guess most people have but that gets mixed up with comments from my ''others". Tons of stuff going on in my head.
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  #416  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 02:52 PM
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Realized something else on the way home from the grocery store just now. I'm doing the same thing to H, aren't I, as far as comparing - except I'm comparing him to how I wish he was.

Crap.
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  #417  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 03:05 PM
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I don't talk to myself out loud. I used to as a kid. However, I have been having conversations with people in my head again. Like I just started talking to L. She says it's actually a good thing, that my object constancy is getting better with her and I'm better able to hold her.
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  #418  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 03:14 PM
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Don't beat yourself up Artie. I think that a lot of us probably do some comparisons with ourselves and our loved ones with how we are/they are and how we would like us/them to be. I know I would like my parents to give more hugs than they do. Doesn't mean I love them less. Just highlights a need that I have. Maybe you have a need that your H will not criticize you--which is kind of what it sounded like to me--and instead be supportive. I don't think that is too much to ask for. HUGS if wanted, Kit
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  #419  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 03:14 PM
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I struggle with object constancy too Scarlet. Glad yours is improving!
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  #420  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 03:19 PM
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I (kind of) wish I could talk to my T. Then again, what would I say?

On a side note, my dog likes to grasp my arm in between her paws, but she really clings on. I have bruises all up and down my arms and they really hurt when I lay them on the desk to type. (Which is most of my day!) I'm trying to train her not to do that but it's slow going!
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  #421  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 04:09 PM
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(trigger for talking about my old-man cat)
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  #422  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 04:17 PM
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I should stop sitting here feeling sorry for myself and go crochet. I'm making scarves/hats for my son and his gf, so far I'm only almost done with son's scarf. Still a ways to go to finish all 4 things and they'll be here late next week.
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  #423  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 06:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal View Post
Realized something else on the way home from the grocery store just now. I'm doing the same thing to H, aren't I, as far as comparing - except I'm comparing him to how I wish he was.

Crap.

I don't know...I feel like it's different because he's doing that about your appearance.
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  #424  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 06:04 PM
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Anyone watched Matilda the Musical on Netflix? I'm interested. Might watch it this long weekend. I've watched some clips on YouTube. Seems pretty good. I loved the Matilda that came out when I was a little girl but it wasn't a musical one. That song about revolting children gets me every time. Song is stuck in my head now.
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  #425  
Old Dec 30, 2022, 06:05 PM
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Argh. Doing my budget for 2023 isn't fun. Necessary but taxing.
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