Couch 241: Twin primes!

Thanks, Kit.

Sending you hugs too.
It's been a while since I've needed a session the way I need tomorrow's.

The reality is this grief is different than any I've ever experienced.

So, I'm going on a trip to Peru. no seriously. I am. In late April. It is a missionary/religious trip which probably is not a surprise to anyone. I will be going with a group BUT without my parents. A big step I think. I'll be gone 9 days. Unfortunately I don't think we are going to Machu Picchu. We are there to do work not be a tourist. But it seems a shame to be that close and not see it. I don't know who will be in the group as it was opened up to my church as an invite from a sister church. I'll find out more on the 18th. I'm working on my funding but I have a lot more than I expected to have thanks to a timely gofundme. I'm excited and also scared.

Also somehow my parents and my sister and some of her family ended up with Covid after Thanksgiving. I didn't though. I maintained a negative test.

Texted T so of course waiting. She always tells me to text her. I do. And then I wait and wonder why I did. She was overly happy about receiving her Christmas card from me. It was one of those "Lovepop" cards. Nomes putting up a tree.

I'm sorry your parents and sister ended up getting unwell, but glad you managed to avoid it.

That's really cool about going to Peru!

Thank you, Lost.

That's exciting about Peru, Kit! If it helps any, I've heard that Machu Picchu can be a challenge to visit because many people experience altitude sickness there. But if you really wanted to go, maybe you could find a way to extend your trip by a couple days?

And sorry your family was sick, but glad you avoided it!

@@, sorry about your loss.

Morning, Couch.

I have a significant session coming up in about four hours, and I would be very grateful if anybody would be willing to pocket ride.

I'm up early, hopping in.

Sent from my SM-S908U using Tapatalk

Thanks, SM.

Hope you're doing OK.
It's one of those conversations that I was hoping wouldn't have a sequel, let alone in the way that it's come about.

I think I'm early enough to hop in, so I will.

Thanks, LT. Now an hour and a quarter to go until the session.
Would help if I knew how to start the conversation.

Hope the session went well, Lost.

Artie does not feel like working today... no real reason, other than just feeling lazy and wanting to go snuggle up in bed with a good book!

Thanks, Artie.

I think it went as well as it could.
I suppose understanding is part of acceptance.
I now realise that there was a key element I left out of the conversation, but I will make sure to include that in next week's final session of the year.

This surge of freedom that I've been feeling since over the weekend... after sending L an email on Saturday and realizing that I didn't care if she responded or not (I told her about that Stutz movie)... makes me want to change my username to something that doesn't have Art or Artie in it, to further cement my commitment to having moved on from her as I've always had "Art" as part of my username.

I might feel a little of the same way Artie. I sent my former therapist a Christmas card as I always do. But I didn't even text her Happy Thanksgiving. She doesn't send a card back. She never has. I'm thinking of not texting her on Christmas Day either. Just letting it go. She hasn't responded to me in so very long. I probably mean nothing to her now. I thought about not sending the Christmas Card but I couldn't quite do that. But maybe I am more okay with her no longer caring about me. I saw the woman for 10 years. You would think she would give a fig. But probably she was just glad that I stayed so long and paid for her trips abroad with my payments to her. I sound jaded. But there is no other way to feel. In the last email I sent her which has been months, I told her that it is too painful to email her now. So basically I won't be doing that. She's probably glad I am out of her hair.

I haven't made any progress with not contacting ex-T on our anniversary. It's coming up again in March...9 years! I'd like to think that I can finally put her behind me. I've made huge improvements since, and I've had two good Ts since too. I don't know what good it's doing me to write her. I don't put a return address, so she can't respond. I can't control her, or make her feel anything. I got all the closure I'm ever going to get. And yet something in me just wants to remind her that I still exist. ...Something to work through L with.

After my recent experience with my ex-therapist, I can really relate to the writing of such letters. I can imagine myself doing it and also not being clear why, beyond responding to an impulse to be vital in some way. Or rather, to not be discarded. Yes, an interesting piece of work for you to do with L.

TW for religion/spirituality.



I really wish I'd started reading the book I'm currently reading sooner. It's very powerful, and seems to explain a lot.

I'm really sad today. Don't know what is up.....Oh actually it might have been an interaction I had with my difficult coworker! I think she forgets that I am HR AND accounting. I do tend to stand up a bit for my employees and contractors and try to get their side heard. She sees it as me not taking care of the company. But I am...I am taking care of the company's most precious resource--the employee! She wrote me a scathing TEAMS message. Which I chose not to respond to. I did fulfill an action and told her about it so she could approve it. But I didn't argue with her. Whatever. It is out of my hands and out of my control. I hope she doesn't have any bearing on my review because I am pretty sure she hates me.

Also it's that time of year where I really get to missing former T. Talked about her last night with current T. All the heartache came back.

Ugh, I'm sorry, Kit. You're right that taking care of employees is really important. Is it something you could bring to your boss, maybe?

And sorry you're experiencing heartache about your former T. Hugs...

Ugh, so my D had been doing pretty well in school for the first couple months. Then in November, she had a couple hitting or kicking incidents. Now, this week, she's hit or kicked a kid or adult every day, with today including a scratching of a kid that sent them to the health room and D to the principal's office. The principal called H from there on speaker phone with D in the room. She already has an IEP (individual education plan due to autism and ADHD) with pretty much all the supports she can have (including lots of time in smaller groups in a separate classroom). We *just* had a meeting updating it on Monday. I'm worried about what will happen from here...

I know she's struggling, and they've said most of these incidents are impulsive, and she's really sad and sorry after. Like she's not intentionally thinking "I'm going to hurt this kid." And hitting is more like, hitting on the foot with her hand, not like punching them in the face, not that any hitting is OK. But there's no real pattern, no specific kids it's happening with, no specific time/scenario, no clear precipitating even. When they or we ask why, she'll either say "I don't know" or give some random reason (like "I don't like my jacket" or "I don't like long days"--it's just a regular school day) that doesn't seem to be a real reason. So I don't think *she* knows why she does it either. If we knew why, we/the school could take steps to prevent...

Might have to try her on medication again--we stopped ADHD meds as we realized she wasn't really eating all day on them and then she seemed to be doing fine for a couple months off of them--the nonstimulant one we tried, guanfacine, seemed to just make her sad all the time, so we took her off that after consulting with her psychiatrist, who has since left that practice and moved. So we'll need to find a new one.

HUGS LT. That sounds really difficult.