Couch 241: Twin primes!

Sorry to hear you're both not feeling well.

Sending you virtual love.

I haven't been adopted but what you've written does make sense. I hope you do get the support you need when you decide to have a look.

See I think you're being too harsh on yourself. You need feel your feelings not banish them. Christmas can be a huge trigger. Zoom calls aren't the same. Missing your family and people is normal. Sending you love as always.

We were able to meet on Christmas Day because his flights home were cancelled because of weather. We looked at all the info. There were a lot of 4th cousins, but there were also a handful of 1st cousins-once-removed (so a 1st cousin's child) and a 1st cousin. I really don't know how to approach any of this information. Any of these first-level people could potentially give me enough information to figure out a birth parent. The once-removed people are all from one of my birth parent's family and the 1st cousin is from the other birth parent's family. I don't know how to ethically approach this since it's likely that none of these people are aware I exist and this may have been a shameful secret for my birth mother and she doesn't want her dirty laundry aired. Me coming in and asking nosy questions is going to do just that. I feel like the fact that I've just popped into their family tree unannounced has probably already raised some questions for these people. I feel like I'm the shameful secret and I'm already causing problems.

I also don't know if or how to approach this with my mother. I didn't tell her I was doing this and I don't know if she'll get some hurt feelings about me doing this. I made her cry once when I was a teenager expressing an interest in getting more information and I've never forgotten how that made me feel.

Hugs, NP... I think this is a pretty common thing lately with all the genetics sites. I hope your mom can understand.

Thank you sweet Lemoncake.

Hey Everyone,

Had a pretty good Christmas. Best gift: Lego Bonsai Tree! It's awesome. I haven't done it yet, maybe this weekend since it is a long weekend but I am looking forward to putting it together.

Haveing some hallucinations. I texted my T. Waiting for a response. She's so random.

Trying to get ready for Peru. I have a ton of scripture to memorize. I think I have 3 done out of 15. Any good tips on memorization?

Also, got myself a new pair of Vans Yippee!

I'm glad your Christmas was good, Kit, hope everyone else here had a few good days as well!

Speaking of bonsai, I got myself an actual bonsai a month or two ago, it's a great pet replacement if you have enough light in your place.

That lego bonsai looks rad though, I saw it a few weeks ago in a shop and considered getting it.

Glad you had a good Christmas, the lego bonsai sounds cool! Sorry to hear about the hallucinations, I hope T gets back to you soon.

I had 4 days off work, so that was nice! We are holding our celebration for when our son and his gf are here, they're coming next week yay! Can't wait to see them! Our tree will stay up until after they have gone back home. I have another 4 day weekend starting tomorrow woo hoo! I am feeling much, much better than I was on christmas day... focusing on seeing my son soon, and knowing I'm planning a trip back to the midwest,is what i needed.

You need to think about what is best for you and not for others right now. I'm pretty sure there will also be adoption forums too which could provide you with more support. You are not the shameful secret and most people would want to know where they came from.

NP your not a "shameful secret"

adoption and fostering are talked about more than it used to be, theres even memoirs about it

Casey Watson and Cathy Glass write about fostering

H has been sick in bed both yesterday and today with a sore throat. I hope he doesn't have covid again. He won't test, so I don't know. No fever and no backache (which he had both of when he had covid before) so maybe he doesn't. Maybe it's just the two long drives so close together I dunno. I'm doing my best not to catch whatever it is from him right before our overtime starts - I do NOT want to spend the next 4 days off sick in bed!!

Hope H feels better soon Artie and that you stay germ free! HUG

T was going to try to call me on my lunch break. Of course she didn't actually call me. IDK why I am disappointed. I didn't really expect her to do it. I guess my hopes just got dashed.

Like I'm okay. I'm not exactly in crisis. I kind of feel like I could end up that way. I'll just talk to my parents later. My thoughts have been bothering me. I suppose that it could wait though.

Ok this is my 'you kids get off my lawn' rant. What happened to Lego it used to be just plain blocks that you used your imagination to build wonderful worlds with ow its no better than building model aeroplanes or ships. Its a lot of money like $200-500 in my country for a one of thing.

((NP))
Your curiosity when you were younger and now is totally normal. Your mom is a grownup and can have whatever feelings she needs to have about whatever you choose to share with her about this.

I have a couple friends who had relatives pop into their family tree in a similar way, and it was for both of them a positive experience, to meet these relatives. I'm not saying that will be like that for you (or even might be- you may choose not to pursue further), but there may be a different reaction than shameful secret...interest, excitement, curiosity.

Yeah, Daffydungle, Lego has gotten pretty expensive. Some of the sets I want are multiple hundred dollars. But they are pretty cool and make some fabulous stuff. I think they have hit a niche market by advertising to adults. All of us who played with Legos as a child are a sucker now for the grown up Legos.

I am out sick with something. I had my flu shot but it feels flu-ish. I'm starting to come out of the sleeping all the time but not yet to just need to rest...this in between part is boooooooooring. Eyes hurt too much to read, attention span is too short for year-end paperwork I need to do, no energy to do simple stuff like laundry. I've been binge watching Emily in Paris.

Bicycle guy and I are still bicycling and talking for hours and generally enjoying one another's company.

It's hard sometimes to be un-hypervigilant about "Is this a red flag?" about little things. There are lots of green flags, by the way. Consistency. Honesty. Willing to be vulnerable. But still, there's a tiny part of me that wonders "Is it all a front?" even though there's zero evidence and lots of evidence to the contrary. Hmmph. Brains are dumb.


Anyway. As usual, I follow all y'all to stay up on your lives but haven't had a lot of time to chime in. I'd love a short update on life in general for those willing/able to write one.

So sorry you are sick, WFS. I hope that you move into the wellness phase soon. I was sick the Wednesday before Christmas and it was the stomach flu. It was violent but passed quickly. But the whole next day I was in a fog and I felt bad. I'm glad it wasn't the long flu though.

Here's an update on my life: Still planning to go to Peru in April. It's a mission trip organized by a sister Church. I have a lot of memorization to do and five training sessions beginning in February! The trip costs $2100 but that covers airfare, meals, lodging, and transportation. So not bad.

Things are okay with my T. She is still random and flakey. Even today she said she would try to call on my lunch, I guess I got my hopes up. She didn't call but she will probably have a good reason why she couldn't.

Work is fine. I got a decent although not great raise. I asked for 1% more though and got it. My new goal in life is to get along with my troublesome coworker. Ugh. So whatever she says I do. Even if I disagree or have a different opinion. I'm trying to not start or get into any "fights" with her over stuff. It's not worth it and it just drives me bananas anyway.

Had a decent Christmas. Saw my sister and four of her children and her boyfriend. Took my parents to see Disney on Ice which they enjoyed. It was well done I thought. Looking forward to New Years only because I get a three day weekend from work.

Hope you feel better soon, HUGS Kit

H's friend brought over christmas gifts for us today, since we didn't manage to get together before christmas - H was asleep and I was still working, so we just did a handoff at the front door I gave him theirs and he gave me ours. Just as well, in case H has covid, no need infecting them too!! Anyway one of the gifts was a bottle of Moscato which I have already had a glass of. I should not have, because now I am feeling sad again, mostly because neither my Mom or my sister have answered my email about my possibly coming to visit in February. I take that to mean they still don't want me to come yet, so, I think I'm going to start looking into a solitary weekend in Bisbee or something. I love spending time there so much, I can get a comfy little room and spend some time writing there and in the coffee shop at the end of the main road, and just stroll around downtown. I'll find out Sunday if any of them are on our usual zoom call if they don't want me to come, and at that point if not, I shall start planning my Bisbee weekend. It will be cheaper than plane tickets and a rental car, for sure.

I ordered myself some after-the-fact Christmas presents. Been feeling like painting again, so I ordered some small square canvases and some bigger paintbrushes than what I have. Picked up a box of acrylic paints at JoAnn the other day, so I'll be ready once I get the canvases & brushes.

I've had some wildly swinging moods today, I have. Meh.

night couch