Couch 242: madam i'm adam

Ah the heck with worrying about being embarrassed. I just made an appointment at the fancy-schmancy salon for this coming Friday morning. If I can't change anything else about myself, I can at least change my hair and dang it I'ma do it!!

(eta we posted at the same time lemon! haha!)

Wheres mah scissors?!

Omg!

I'm so proud of you artie and you should be of yourself.

I honestly thought it would take two weeks or so of encouraging you before you did book an appointment.

thanks! normally it probly would have... but I'm just really in need of change rn!

I want a 1940s hair do.

I showed Norman this picture.

Pin en Beauty

that's pretty. looks like a lot of work to maintain, though. I need basically wash n go, I don't have the 'doing my hair' gene

Yay!!

Do you think you would also want to change the way you dress as well?

I know nothing about hair but it does look a bit fussy. I will get it done when I'm back in London. I do the usual wash and go thing too, but got a bit fancier by buying hair conditioner too.

It was just finding small ways to take better care of myself.

Silk hair bonnets for sleeping are also a thing too. I've been covering my hair and not exposing it to the wild when I'm outdoors to protect it. It does feels a bit better so far. Though I did also start taking collagen powder too at the same time. Still got noticeable changes in my nails even though I didn't take it super regularly.

Probably not since I work at home and rarely go anywhere but the grocery store haha! Although I have bought a couple new shirts that aren't my usual t-shirts lately.

I mostly need to make more internal changes.....

Torrid had the cutest grey sweater dress for like 20 bucks plus shipping. Im gonna start looking nice to take out the garbage.

Ooh I wish I knew what this looks like from the front, although it probably takes a little more than wash and go to make it look right.

Often times, external changes can help with internal changes. Like a clean house helps with your mental health.

I know a lot of women who change their hair when they go through a break up. It helps sort of reinvent them or especially gives them a fresh start. My sister goes tanning when she wants to feel better. I wear color when I want to feel better.

There ya go!

I do walk to the cluster mailboxes every afternoon - I suppose I could start dressing nicer for that haha

C'mon down to Arizona

I think those layers would work for you. You can carve into your hair, its so thick. I have to add helium to mine to fluff it up!

Have you tried googling haircuts for thick hair? Once in a blue moon i find a model who actually looks like me.

yep that's what i've been googling but i'm not sure all the pics I'm liking are actually for super thick hair like mine. I'm gonna talk to the stylist when I go and tell her what I think I want, and see what she thinks! I've gotten a couple of my favorite haircuts in the past actually by just telling them a general idea and letting them run with it however they like... since it grows so fast anyway.

Now I'm super excited for this week to get over with so I can go to the salon!

I have had an awful few months. I have been dealing with plantar fasciitis since Mid-November, and have been in constant pain for over a month now. The doctor has tried a few anti-inflammatories, which hasn’t seemed to help much with the pain. I got new shoes, am starting physical therapy this week,
am wearing the boot as much as I can handle. It has been awful.

Last Friday, after I left the shoe store, I crashed my car (which is just under a year old) into the corner of a building. The car is still driveable, but I hate myself even more for this.

Then, last night I made a smoothie-one I make all the time. I took one sip and instantly threw it down the sink. I smelled my peanut butter today to see if I can add that to some bread (not that it tastes good,
it just doesn’t repulse me), and I almost threw up, it smelled so horrible. I love peanut butter!

My nose has been slightly stuffy for a few days,
but this smell/taste thing is absolutely horrific. I tested negative for Covid today-but we shall see as I test over the next few days. Of course, I’ve been reading horror stories of people who had this side effect of Covid last months, and in some cases over a year.

My mental health is already not good, but I truly do not know how much more I can handle.

And tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my kitty escaping. I have avoided thinking about it all day, though this whole smell/taste thing has distracted me.

Ughhhhhh.

Hugs, Velcro. That's really a lot going on! I was going to ask about Covid with the smoothie/peanut butter tasting and smelling repulsive. One of my friends, after she had Covid, food smelled or tasted like ashes to her for a while. Or maybe you have a bit of a stomach bug? I hope whatever it is that you feel better soon.


And I'm sorry about the anniversary--I know those can be really hard.

Hugs Velcro. That is a lot going on. I hope you're feeling better soon. I also hope you can be gentle with yourself and give yourself all the grace you need around this anniversary.

LT, I think the email thing is more a symptom of something larger rather than its own issue. I can relate to wanting concrete "rules" so I can get my need for connection met without running afoul of the other. (Of course we both know that that's not how relationships work, but the therapy relationship is its own thing with weird rules anyway so why not??) But it seems like you aren't being moved forward to where you need email less, where you can rely on yourself or other coping strategies. This is not a criticism but an observation of your stuckness. Dr. T doesn't seem to understand you or what email does for you or how to address the things that are keeping you both stuck. I got to a similar stuck place with my main T, and it took me seeking out another modality (alongside my work with main T) to propel myself forward. This caused me to eventually re-work how I email and when and why. It was resolving the underlying issues that made me need the contact less and made the idea of "rules" unnecessary.

Thanks, EM. I agree that it's a symptom. I was looking back at my emails, and I have sent more since Jan. 1 than I'd generally been sending. (Some months only had one email, for example. Well, November had a few, but we were having some major conflicts then. Not much in December or July through October.)

I think it's partly feeling disconnected from him in general. But I think *that's* largely due to what happened with the love thing and also the conflict over money (where insurance was overpaying me--it's complicated and led to a rather ugly conflict between us, so I don't feel we can discuss it constructively). And some micro-conflicts that have happened in there, too. Things that might sound ridiculous or petty on their own, but it's a cumulative thing.

So I feel it's like I'm trying to regain connection through email. Like you said, he doesn't seem to understand that. He's just like, "Ugh, she keeps emailing me." And it's really not that much! A couple of the weeks, it was a single email of one or two sentences, one of which was literally just thanking him for being supportive that session (he said later that he hadn't been trying to be supportive, which...sigh.)

If he understood about the looking for connection, then we'd be talking about ways that I can feel more connected without feeling the need to email. Though if he doesn't understand, shouldn't he just ask me what it's about? Like, "Hey, you're emailing me more than usual--what's going on?"

And we have talked more about the "love stuff," like he did apologize earlier last week for how he handled it (but only because I said "part of me wants an apology, but I know you may not be willing to give one"). I had thought the apology (I don't think he'd actually said "I'm sorry") before was maybe what I needed from him, but it seems like that's not the case.

So, yeah, I just feel sort of stuck. And I keep having the thoughts of "Is therapy with him hurting me more than it's helping?"

I think I do need to contact some other T's, see if someone has openings who looks like a good fit. I feel the only way I can step away from him is if I find someone else who seems promising.

He has said before that he'd be fine with my seeing a T who has a different modality at the same time as seeing him--like maybe I do once or twice a week with him and once with the other T for a bit to transition, then maybe just switch to the other T. Or he'd be fine with me taking a break, seeing someone else a bit, then coming back (or not). I think it would be easier for me to step away if it feels temporary (even if it becomes permanent).

Why don't you just ask him to help you with connection in ways other than email if you know what you want?

This is a good point. I do feel like I've tried that though. He'll say things about trusting in the relationship. But it is worth asking him about again.

I hope you do see another T LT.

It doesn't seem like Dr T will be changing and suddenly understand the need for connection. Look at what he's already showing you.