Couch 242: madam i'm adam

Ive only started loving my hair since i started cutting it myself, these past few years. I think i started before the pandemic. Then i grew it out during the pandemic, and now it is to my chin. But it is starting to wave and bush out.

Sometimes I wonder why I even try to "fix" myself. All's I do is cause more harm than good, it seems, maybe I should just stay broken and stop giving a rat's patootie.

Meh, I'm just in a weird, sad, not-liking-myself-very-much mood today. H's liver study appt went good today, they just did a bunch of tests as usual and gave him more boxes of the medication and told him to up the dose again this coming week. We were there for over 2 hours. Which was not bad, considering some appts have been longer. He just left to go play golf with his friend. I feel like going to bed and finding something to binge on netflix so I can stop thinking for awhile. My brain is not my friend.

Mine's just touching my shoulders again. I want something completely different, like something that makes me look and feel like a whole different person. But I guess I can't change who I am just with a haircut, can I? Besides that's a lotta responsibility to put on a hairdresser, ain't it.

Sigh.

Maybe what I need is a therapist who does hair. Ha.

A hairapist.

HUGS Artie. I'm sorry you are not liking yourself much today and feeling sad and weird. I hope you can have some recovery time and get your mind active on something that brings you joy. HUGS Kit

I just endured my annual call from my aunt. She will be 90 this year. I still dont understand the concept of family. Breeding and all that stuff.

My dad has decided to stop talking to H... I know dad doesn't like H, but he needs to suck it up. H provides a lot for us financially, and as far as right now, I choose to be with H. Besides, they live in the same freaking apartment! They are going to cross paths. *sigh* This does not help my issues I'm having with dissatisfaction with my marriage and life. Everyone around me is out for themselves. I'm either ignored, caught in the middle, or taken advantage of. It's b.s.!

Maybe I'll join you for a haircut, Artie! Let's go chop it off!

That is a tough situation, Scarlet. HUGS I don't know how your dad can think he won't need to talk to your H. I mean, same household. Kind of hard not to talk to one another. Maybe it will blow over. I'm sorry that it's not helping right now with everything going on. HUGS Kit

For some reason my coworkers have the air conditioning going today. Lately I've been really hot (I think it is hormones--I am asking my GP about it next Monday) but today I have been freezing and since I have been hot lately, I didn't bring a sweatshirt or jacket. They need to turn the air off.

I think I'm going to do a bob with curtain bangs.

I've been thinking about something like this so i can wear earrings again

so cute!

Thanks Kit.

Cute! I've been considering something similar, though would be a drastic change from my shoulder-length hair. I had it short like that in college and my 20s and early 30s. I joked that I got married, had a kid, and grew my hair longer, where the stereotype is to chop it short. But I feel like shorter hair is more "me."

In college, I dated a guy with long hair (thick and wavy), so we were sort of opposites.

Agree that this is cute!

Intense session with Dr. T today that included me questioning out loud whether I should continue working with him, whether he's the right therapist for me. He was compassionate and seemed rather affected by my doubts, like wiping some tears and his voice cracking a few times.

I think it was a productive discussion about the relationship, though I think it's a "to be continued." It included the fact that I'm likely still hurt and angry about his response to "I love you." I said I felt like I needed to discuss that more, but also didn't know what exactly to say about it. So I guess that's in the "to be continued" pile as well.

I feel OK about it though. In the past week (like last Friday through today), I've felt like we haven't really been connecting, like we were on different wavelengths. Today, even though we addressed some difficult and painful topics, it did feel like the connection was there. In a way, I hate that it was on a Friday, because then it's a longer time before the next session. In another way, maybe it would be good to have that processing time. And maybe even to sit on this topic for a bit longer, to address non-therapeutic relationship things next week. Maybe put it on the back burner.

ATAT- your dept sucks. They sound horrible to deal with.

In terms of binge watching -I suggest season 3 of the Derry Girls (or all seasons if you haven't watched any and Cunk on Earth.

Getting ready to log on to work for the first of another 6-day work week, but am thankful that today is only 4 hours so it's really a 5.5 day work week I guess. I woke myself up screaming last night, but I don't remember the dream/nightmare. I think I'm just really burned out on this getting up at 4:15 thing. Meh. Enough complaining, time to work.

hugs/head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

Boo. I just found out our overtime has been extended til the end of March now and is going back to up to 15 hours overtime/week. Double boo. Artie is not happy.

I'm sorry, Artie. That really sucks.
I hope they don't extend it again.

Thanks Lost. I need to adjust my attitude about it I guess... I'm just tired and grumpy. I need to adjust my attitude about a lot of things really. I'm the one that chooses to stay in all of these situations I complain about, so it's nobody's fault but my own. I just need to quit complaining and change every.single.thing.about.me. but well, goodness knows that's easier said than done huh.

That's true.
It can be easy to feel like we don't have much choice, though.
I hope you can get some clarity over what you want from life, and how you can go after it.

My daughters wedding dress wasn’t even a 100. I think it wasn’t even 50 lol She found it on Amazon. It was white lacy dress. But it meant to be just a white summer dress not wedding. It looks like a wedding dress to me though, just not puffy. Her veil was something that arrived from China and she paid $10 hahah I don’t think any of it looks worse than actual puffy dress with huge cleavage and naked back (hate those). And it’s sure much cheaper!

We love to dress up in my family but we never buy traditional formal dresses. It’s always something else instead.

Ugh, I'm sorry, Artie.